Season 3 Episode 5 - Thunder
by fanningon
Summary: Fifth episode of a 8 episode season 3 fanfic. Please read episodes 1 (Change), 2 (Worlds), 3 (1997), and 4 (The Calm) first. If you can, read it with the suggested music. Cheers m'dears


_'Everlong' by Foo Fighters_

He ran.

Fast.

He couldn't find her.

He ran, but she was gone.

_Where is she?_

He panicked; the thought of the stalker entering his mind violently.

"RAE?" He called out, deeply terrified of the possibilities the stalker raised.

He ran for her.

"RAE!"

He stopped in the middle of the road.

The thought that she could hear him but didn't want to talk to him because Chloe had labelled him a cheater entered his mind.

"I DIDN'T KISS HER! SHE KISSED ME!" He yelled as loud as he could. "RAE!" He needed to find her. Now.

_Where are you? _

He turned back and ran back the way he'd come, realising that she might have decided to walk through the fields.

He sprinted as fast as he could.

He burst into the wide open space of the playing fields. There was no light, no way to tell if this was the way she'd come.

He stopped, hesitated. There were four conceivable ways she could have taken to get back to her place.

He turned around on the spot, wondering if he should go back.

"Fuck!" He spat angrily. Angry at himself for letting her out of his sight.

_What if he had just been waiting for the right moment? What if he's taken her? _

"RAE!" He screamed as loud as he could. "RAE!" He panted in the silence that followed. His ears twitching, his hands fisted into tight balls.

His ears twitching.

What is that sound?

"Rae." He knew it was her. She was crying. Softly.

He turned his head to try and figure out what direction she was in.

He realised that she was in the direction of the car park, on the other side of the fields. There were benches over there; low slung metal monstrosities with no backs. They were always freezing in winter. He imagined her sitting on one, crying.

He set off at a sprint in the direction of the car park. It was terrifying running across that field in the dark, he could see almost nothing, but he could hear her muffled tears getting gradually louder, echoing across the field.

He sped up, closing the space between them as fast as he could.

And then his feet were painfully swept out from under him and he crashed into the concrete footpath that the seats were beside, his hands stretched out to break his fall.

By dumb luck, he managed to tumble neatly out of the fall and end up back on his feet, his shins screaming and his palms bleeding. He'd run straight into one of those benches he'd just imagined Rae sitting on.

He stood there, gasping for air, his body jarred and painful and heard her crying; she was beside him now. He turned to his left, realising that she must have done the same thing in her rush to get home.

"Rae?" He said in a low voice.

"I fell." She cried miserably. He turned towards her voice and could make out her outline in the moonless night. He knelt down and crawled closer to her, reaching out in the dark. He touched her hand and it felt sticky and wet.

"Are you bleeding?" He almost sensed her nodding her head in the darkness. "Can you stand?" He helped her stand up and started to lead her back over the field slowly. She limped painfully and Finn carried as much of her weight as she'd let him take while they hobbled slowly back to his place. She said nothing, just cried, and he didn't know what to say, he was too worried; his mind was blank.

When he got back to his place, the front door was open and Janice was on the stoop. Her mouth opened in shock as he led Rae in. He sat her down in the kitchen and Janice went up to the bathroom to bring down cloths, disinfectant and her favourite soothing ointment. He knelt in front of her and took stock of the damage; both of her palms were torn up, her knees bleeding, her stockings shredded. There was a slight bruise forming along her jawline, a small graze on her chin. Her left ankle was quite swollen and her right elbow was bloodied up badly. But it was the hurt in her eyes that he noticed the most.

"Iodine's the best for this." Janice came back into the kitchen with several items. She went to the sink and filled up a bowl with warm water. Rae just watched Finn distrustfully.

"Your father is out looking for you." She said softly as she put the bowl of hot water down.

"Janice do you mind?" Finn said without taking his eyes off Rae's face. She put some disinfectant in the water.

"Wash the wounds. Dry them. Put the iodine on." She ordered. "Wait for that to dry and put some of this cream on them." She held out an old looking tube of something, the name long worn off. "Then use these dressings to cover them." She pointed at them. "Got it?" He nodded his head. "I'll put the tv on nice and loud then." She said as she left the room, closing the door behind her.

"Can you take your stockings off?" He asked gently and she sniffed as she stood up, Finn stood up and turned away to give her privacy. He saw his own battered hands and went to the sink to wash them off quickly as Rae finished slipping off her pants, leaving her skirt on. He knelt before her again and looked closer at the damage on her knees, and also saw the bruising forming on her shins that he had expected to see, his own shins throbbed in sympathy.

Without a word he put the cloth in the water and gently washed her wounds, carefully getting all the dirt and grit out. She had sharply inhaled when he had begun, and now she seemed to be holding her breath, her lips drawn in a tight line, her eyes dry now.

He worked in silence, trying to gather his emotions and thoughts.

Her elbow was particularly bad; there was a large piece of gravel caught in the wound and he carefully pulled it out, she gasped with pain.

"Sorry." He whispered, but kept going.

"I can't find them!" He heard his father coming through the front door in a panic. "I'll have to ring Linda." He heard Janice's voice like a low murmur and was unable to make out what she was saying, but his father didn't come into the kitchen to use the phone and the televisions volume went up a little more.

He looked up at the graze on her face, saw her looking down at him and lowered his eyes. He took a deep breath and looked back up at her.

"I didn't kiss Chloe." He said as he started to clean the slight graze under her chin. "She kissed me and I told her to stop straight away." She stared at him silently as he gently wiped her face clean.

He picked up the towel Janice had brought down and pressed it to each wound carefully, attempting to dry them.

"I know." She said finally, "Chloe told me." She watched Finn's eyebrows furrow, "She were very quick to say it weren't your fault. Very eager to take the blame all to herself."

Finn bit the inside of his mouth and considered this.

"Then why are you-"

"I'm angry at you, because you should have told me!" She snapped. "I shouldn't have heard it from her, weeks after it happened. I should have heard it from you the day it happened!" She shook her head, "what happened to all this talking we're s'pose to be doing? Is it all nothing?" He opened his mouth to reply but she kept talking, "I don't expect you to tell me every single kiss you've ever had. I don't need to know the name of every girl… but I do expect to know when you kiss someone when we're together!" Her voice rose, "we're dating and you're kissing me best mate?"

"But I didn't kiss her!" Finn asserted.

"Your lips touched her lips." Rae responded, unmoved.

"She put hers on mine, and I didn't move my lips. I just pulled away, straight away. It were nothing."

"No but it is something. Chloe's in love with you."

Finn sat back on his heels and looked up at Rae.

"In love?" He asked incredulously. Rae nodded. "She don't even know me." He responded in disbelief. Rae shrugged. He sighed wearily and picked up the iodine and cotton wool. He shook his head as he thought about everything she'd said.

"You're right. You're so right – I should have told you." He sucked his bottom lip in thought. "I didn't cos she your best mate, and I didn't want to split you guys up over something I thought were nothing." He shook his head, "I were wrong. It won't happen again." He looked up at her face, pleading. "Please don't leave me." He asked softly, vulnerably. She touched his face and shook her head.

"I'm not going to." She said, "I'm just really angry at you." He let out a relieved breath and lowered his eyes while he took in a deep steadying breath. "I needed a minute alone." She explained.

"S'alright." He nodded, "anger we can work through." He grinned slightly, "breaking up though…" He shook his head, "that don't work for me."

"Me either." She smiled softly, reassuringly.

"Alright then." He laughed shakily. "You wanna yell at me?" He nodded earnestly.

"Not really."

"You might change your mind in a mo." He pulled a face as he put the iodine on the cotton wool.

The iodine burned and she gripped the table with one hand, the other balled up her skirt hem.

"Sorry." He murmured gently as he slathered as much iodine on as possible. When he was done, he pulled up a chair and sat opposite her, waiting for her to tell him what to do. "What now?" He prodded gently.

"Let me do your hands." She nodded at his palms and he held them up to her. She gently dabbed iodine on his hands. "You got any others?"

"No, I think me jeans protected me legs." He shrugged. "What about us?" His eyes strayed up to hers and she shrugged.

"I dunno." She thought for a moment. "Show me how she kissed you."

"Rae?" He asked, feeling gross about this idea.

"Show me." She insisted. He sighed deeply and wiped his sore palms on his jeans, leaving iodine stains behind.

"Alright." He answered unhappily. "So… you be me?" She nodded, "You don't move your mouth right?" She nodded again. He took a deep breath, looking supremely uncomfortable he leaned in and gently put his lips on hers in a delicate, closed mouth kiss, for just a second. "And then I pulled away." He said as he looked at her thoughtful face. She wiped a tear off her face and looked at the wall as she hitched a deep breath.

"Now show me what you did."

"Alright." He answered, resigned.

"I'm Chloe." She said and he screwed up his face and nodded, pained. He sat there, waiting for her to kiss him. She leaned forward, putting her hands on his face.

"She didn't do that." He said softly and she lowered her hands to his thighs, "or that." He shook his head, "no touching." Rae nodded and leaned in and kissed his lips gently. It was hard to stop himself from responding to her lips. But he kept his mouth grimly shut and pulled away almost immediately.

"What are you doing?" He said, exactly the same way he'd said it to Chloe.

Rae leaned back in her chair and stared at the wall for a while. Finn looked at the floor grimly, the whole scenario seeming much bigger than he remembered it being now.

"You were drunk." She said softly.

"Aye."

"Are you sure you're remembering right?"

"Chloe kissing me sobered me up right good."

"Did anything else happen."

"We danced, drunkenly. She got a bit close and I stopped her." He shrugged, "I told her you was the one. I reminded her that you was her best mate." He shrugged. "That's about it."

"And then you came and fucked me." Her voice was almost emotionless as a tear slid down her face. "Where you thinking about her when…?" She stopped.

"Oh god no!" Finn sounded repulsed. "Don't ever think that!" He shook his head vehemently and tried to get her to look at him, "Rae." She turned to him, "I only think about you." He said honestly, "ever."

"But Chlo's so pretty." She sniffed, "you're always surrounded by pretty girls."

Finn touched her face, his eyes filled with emotion.

"I don't care about them."

"But you notice them?" Finn smiled painfully and looked away with a groan.

"Look." He started carefully, "I can see that some other girls are pretty." He touched her hand, "but I don't want them. I don't feel anything for them." He willed her to understand, "I only want you." He moved closer to her, "You're the most beautiful girl there is, Rae. No one compares to you." He looked at her lips and then back to her eyes, "no one."

"But-"

"It's like, you think Damon Albarn's a right looker, yeah?" She started to smile, realising that she was caught out, "and Jim from the Chippy, and Phillip that prick, and Johnny Depp, and Mike from me science class, and-"

"Stop it." She said with a cheeky grin.

"You think they're all lookers. But you don't want 'em, right?" She shook her head. "Same thing."

"And Phillip's not a looker." She corrected.

"Aye, but he's taller than me." Finn grinned and she shook her head.

"Who cares?" She rolled her eyes. And he gave her a look that indicated that he did care a little.

"Anyway…" he felt happier, knowing that they were moving past this now, "I know it were something with Chloe, but it were also nothing. You know what I mean?"

"You never thought about her that way?"

"Well I once thought-" He stopped realising that he was offering up information she didn't know. "Eh…" he said softly, knowing she was too astute for him to be able to backpedal, "we did hang around for about a week before I got with Stacey, and I thought I might you know…"

"You were gonna fuck Chloe?" Rae said in disbelief, she felt herself pulling away from Finn.

"No…" He shook his head, "I were gonna try and get her to maybe suck it." He tried to move closer to her, but a look from her stopped him and he lowered his eyes, "but it were obvious she hadn't done nought afore; she were right frigid, and I were impatient, so I lost interest. And then Stacey… was available… so I told Chlo that we'd try it again some other time." He shook his head, embarrassed for his past actions. "She seemed fine, like she were losing interest in me anyway, so…" He shrugged. "A couple o' months later Izzy introduced her to us, and she acted like she didn't even know me. I figured she'd forgotten me and I didn't mind. Like it were only a few days we hung around. It were really nothing." He shrugged again, "it weren't until Sutherland that I realised she did remember it."

"Well you remembered her, so it couldn't have been nothing." He screwed his face up in response to that and shook his head. "Did you kiss her before you got with Stacey then?"

"No. I told you – she were right frigid. Probably hadn't even kissed afore." He shook his head, "the only real kiss we had were at the rave." He sighed, "I should'a realised how much she fancied me. I were just too caught up in you to even notice her."

"You really fucked up with Chloe." Rae said harshly. "You told her you'd try it again, you get introduced to her and pretend like nothing happened between you, she kisses you and you tell her that she's the best kisser ever. Then you tell her you shouldn't kiss-"

"Wait what?" He asked, but didn't wait for her to reply, "I never told her that." He shook his head, "I were pretty high, but I remember that kiss. I told her that being high made kissing the best thing ever." Rae stopped mid-thought. "Where did you get that idea from?"

"Chloe's diary." Rae said softly.

"Right… well it's not what I said." He shook his head. "It were loud in there, so I guess she didn't hear me proper." He shrugged, "And you're right, I fucked up with Chloe, but I were a right prick back then; I told you what a twat I were." He pulled at his nails, "I changed a lot since then."

"Oh right, how much?" She asked feeling unsure of her own thoughts now.

"I used to blow smoke into the mouths of girls thinking I were right cool." He said, "And then I'd get bored of 'em, and just get rid of 'em." He bit the inside of his mouth, "It all stopped after Stacey. I told you that." He edged forward again and was relieved to see no resistance from her, "and then a few weeks later, I met you." He put a hand tentatively on her thigh, "and my whole world changed." She looked at his hand on her thigh and he wished he could read her mind. He waited for her. Waited for any sign of where this was going to end up.

"What are you thinking girl?" He pleaded softly.

"I dunno." She said softly. "I don't like that you have all this history with Chlo."

"But I don't really…" His voice maintained that tone of pleading. He saw her furrowed eyebrows, saw the burden this placed on her and the truth of what Elsa had said about telling Rae crept inside of his gut. He wished Chloe had never said anything. Not because he didn't deserve a right bullocking for what he'd done. But because of how it affected Rae. He understood what Elsa had said even more now.

"I promise you Rae, that if any other girl comes even slightly near me, while we're together, well first, I won't do nought with her, obviously. But second, I'll tell you right away. Alright?" He said seriously.

"Alright." She said slowly.

"We alright?" He breathed, barely hoping that this was actually the ending of this argument.

"I don't want'a be mad at you." She looked up at him. He smiled sadly.

"Well I gotta do better so you don't havet'a be." She lowered her eyes.

"Take your pants off."

"What?"

"I heard you fall over the seats too. It sounded like you hit 'em hard. I want'a make sure you're ok." He stood up and undid his jeans, letting them drop to the floor. He sat back down and kicked them off his feet with his shoes. She tapped her thigh and her put his right foot up where she'd tapped. She pulled a face when she saw his shin. He grinned as she gingerly touched it, feeling the heat in the forming bruise.

"I've had worse." He reassured her.

"I can't believe you ran after me."

"I told you I weren't gonna let go o' you this time. I mean it when I tell you these things, you know?" She looked up at him, her eyes filled with raw emotion, he held his breath, waiting for her to speak.

"I'm starting to understand that. And believe it." She answered.

"Good." A small smile played with the corner of his mouth.

"When I heard you screaming me name…" She stopped and shook her head.

"I were right worried about you." He swapped legs so she could look at his other shin. "I worried that your stalker might have…" he stopped, not wanting to finish that thought or sentence.

"It were frightening." She said as he put his foot back on the ground.

"I'm sorry."

"When I heard the fear in your voice, it made me frightened for myself." She reached out and took his hand, "I tried to call out to you… but… I dunno. I were angry and embarrassed." She gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry I scared you. I won't go off by myself like that until this stalker shite is sorted, alright?"

"Thank you." He touched her face, "Rae I don't think I'd survive if something happened to you."

"Same." She touched his face and leaned towards him. He slid off his seat, to his knees, intoxicated by the fragile look in her eyes, the need she had. He found himself kneeling between her thighs, his hands on her face, hers in his hair. He kissed her achingly, slowly, deeply; their tongues delicately tasting each other. She moved closer to him, her body pressing against his, her arms wrapping around him pulling him closer. He pressed himself to her, his hands dropping to her hips, his pelvis tilting towards hers. He moved his hands under her shirt up her back and she arched herself to be closer to him.

"I want you inside of me." She whispered with a sad aching tone that he couldn't understand. He groaned at how sexy those words were.

"Alright girl." He lowered his boxers as he took a quick peek at the kitchen door, then pulled her to be more forward on the chair. He kissed her heatedly, his hand crawling up the top of her thigh, reaching up her skirt to find her underpants, he intended to pull them aside and enter her right then and there. He traced along the line of her kickers, down between her thighs and felt the pad and remembered that she had her period. He understood that tone she'd used now and groaned, deeply frustrated. She groaned in sympathy, their kisses becoming frustrated, her hand stroking his cock rhythmically, gradually speeding up. He felt the pleasure starting to rise and knew she intended to make him cum. He put his hand over her hand and stopped her.

"What?" She was confused.

"If you can't cum. I can't cum." He panted, the frustration making his whole body ache. A smile spread across her face and she nodded happily before leaning in to kiss him deeply. The throaty groan that followed showed a deeper, more urgent sense of frustration from him, and his hands squeezed her flesh firmly, pulling her closer, his penis rubbing between her thighs as they rubbed against each other slowly, aching for each other.

They didn't notice the knock on the kitchen door. They didn't notice Gary and Janice slowly creeping in to peek around the door. It was only when Gary cleared his throat that they noticed.

"Fuck!" Finn said as he tried to pull his boxers up even though Rae's leg and the kitchen table shielded him from his father's eyes. Rae lowered her head, her face burning, and wished she could lower her skirt, but Finn was jammed between her thighs, fumbling with his boxers. Janice averted her eyes, and Gary looked at the space above their heads.

"I see you've made up then?"

"DAD!" Finn finally managed to get his cock in his boxers and looked at Rae to see if she was ok.

"We were just wondering if you wanted to get some take away for dinner then, since it's getting late?" He pressed on in spite of Finn's exasperated voice.

"Fine!" Finn waved his father away, "can you give us a minute?" Janice was already creeping back out of the door.

"Any requests?"

"NO!" Finn glared at him, "just go please?" Gary nodded and backed out of the room. Just before he closed the door Gary stopped.

"How you going Rae?"

"Oh fine." She said without raising her face.

"Please don't run off like that again? There's a stalker about."

"I won't." She squeaked.

"DAD!"

"Righto then." He closed the door and Finn dropped his head onto Rae's shoulder.

"Bloody hell." He breathed, frustrated in more ways than one. She laughed shakily and he sat back on his heels again and wiped his face. He looked back at Rae.

"Are we really alright?" He asked.

"Yeah." She touched his face. "You didn't really do anything wrong with Chloe in Sutherland. Just tell me next time."

"I'm planning on there not being a next time." He stood up and put his jeans on, leaving his shoes under the table. Then he picked up the ointment Janice had left for them.

"Right." He opened it and squeezed some out on his fingers, "Ready?" He saw her nod and then gently wiped the cream into her wounds. He took the dressing and medical tape and carefully covered her knees and elbows. It was impractical to cover her hands and her chin didn't need it.

"Gotta bandage this ankle." He muttered, making a mental note when he noticed how bad the swelling was in her ankle.

"I've never had a scabby knee taken care of this much."

"Well you've never grazed your knee afore when you was my girl." Finn retorted playfully. He stood up and held his hand out to her, "C'mon I gotta go apologise to me dad."

"Me too." She said as she gingerly stood up. She took a tentative step and shrugged, "it's not too bad."

They walked through the door and saw Janice and Finn's dad talking, their heads close together, both holding a glass of wine, Janice smiling and slowly nodding her head. Finn and Rae shared a look; their eyebrows raised.

"Oh that's the way it is, is it?" Finn asked, his eyebrows raised suggestively. They both snapped their faces to him, both instantly put on a face that suggested that they had no idea what he meant. Finn shook his head at them. Janice waved him off as if he was crazy and settled back into her seat, sipping her wine.

"Right." Gary cleared his throat and tried to hide his blush by looking down.

"S'pose I better get the take away." He said and got up, Finn watching him with a knowing smile. He fumbled his keys and gave a nervous chuckle and left hurriedly, Finn giving him the same look the whole way.

Finn and Rae sat together on the lounge and Finn turned his eyes to Janice.

"Not a word you cheeky bastard." Janice said with a shake of her head.

"I haven't said anything." He grinned. She narrowed her eyes at him and took another sip of wine.

Finn laid in bed and watched her turn the light on and off 8 times. Sometimes she'd managed to just do 8, other times it would end up being 64 times. 8 flicks in 8 groups. He never said anything just watched her. She counted and blushed and tried to do it as quick as she could, not looking at him.

_Should I say something?_

He watched her start another set of 8.

"It's alright." He said softly. He didn't need to say anything else. He saw her body relax a little as she finished off the 8 and turned to him, an apologetic smile on her face.

"Sorry that I'm so mad." He shrugged and she limped over to him, her now bandaged ankle, giving her grief, and slowly undressed, her underpants staying on. Finn looked at those large plain white cotton briefs glumly. He noticed her fidgeting self-consciously.

"What's wrong?"

"I feel weird… you looking at me granny undies." A smile slowly crept across his face.

"Granny undies!" He chuckled.

"Every girl's got 'em." She protested against his chuckles.

"I don't care what every girl's got, I care about what you've got." He said as he slid his fingers under the thick elastic at her hips. "They're like some fucking mediaeval chastity belt." He laughed, enjoying the way her face reddened.

"Leave off!" She laughed as he pulled her onto the bed, into his arms. He laid beside her, tracing along the edges of her knickers.

"How horny do you think I can make you before you're off it?"

"Don't you even think about it." She ordered, but his mouth was on her neck and she groaned as his hand caressed her thighs and lower stomach, but always stopping just at the elastic line.

"You're a bastard Finley." She moaned and bit his neck in response to his caresses.

"Oi!" He laughed, "That were right hard!" She bit his arm and pulled a face at him. "Oh it's on now Miss Earl!" In response she tickled his ribs and he grabbed her hands and pinned her to the bed, a triumphant look on his face.

"What are you gonna do now?" He asked with a cheeky grin. She arched her back towards him, her bare breast brushing against his chest and rubbed her thigh against his side as she brought it up to be around him.

"You saucy fucking minx." He breathed with admiration. She leaned up to kiss him and he eagerly reached for her mouth, but she pulled back, just allowing the tip of her tongue to lick across his lips softly, seductively. He groaned loudly.

"You tease."

"Just learning from you." She said innocently, pinned beneath him, but still wielding all the power.

_'Dreams' by The Cranberries_

When Rae woke up the next morning, Finn was sitting up in bed next to her picking gently at the skin on his scratched palms. He grinned deviously as soon as he saw her eyes open.

" 'Morning Miss Earl." She groaned and put his pillow over her head.

"Need more sleep." She moaned from under the pillow and he laid down beside her putting his arm over her stomach.

"Alright." He agreed. "You had a busy night." His tone of voice made her take the pillow off her head and look at him.

"No it's alright. I'll get up." She sulked, noticing the grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?"

"I've got something truly amazing to tell Chop." He beamed like he knew a big secret.

"Chop?"

"Aye, he's always telling me stuff about girls. It'll be my turn."

"What are you gonna tell him?" She narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"How did you sleep last night?' He suddenly changed the topic.

"What are you gonna tell Chop?" She furrowed her brows at him.

"Have any dreams last night?" He asked meaningfully.

"What are you-" She stopped mid-sentence as what he was saying sunk in. Yes she'd had a dream last night. She remembered bits and pieces of it.

"Oh no." Her face started to turn crimson and she saw from the look on Finn's face that he knew.

"Sounded like a good dream." He said smugly.

"Oh my god!" She lowered her face, blushing furiously.

"I were right worried when I woke up." He was far too pleased with himself. "You was moaning and groaning." He touched her face, feeling the heat of her embarrassment.

"Oh my god!" She groaned again.

"And then I hear you moan me name… You only moan me name like that when we're fucking." He grinned. "I had no idea that girls had wet dreams."

"I can't believe I had a sex dream with you in the bed!" She groaned and covered her face.

"I liked it!" He bit his bottom lip, grinning widely.

"Shut up!"

"We couldn't do it for real, so you dreamed about it. It's amazing. D'you remember the dream?" She looked up at him, mortified. "Oh don't worry." He soothed, "I've had plenty about you."

"Really?"

"How can you doubt it, with how long it took me to get in them granny pants o' yours?" He teased.

"Leave off!" She pulled back the blankets and got out of bed stiffly, all of her wounds aching, when she turned, Finn's eyes were lowered, looking at where she'd been laying.

"Oh fuck Finn, I'm sorry." She'd bled through. "I'm ruining all your sheets!"

He shook his head, all the impish teasing gone.

"It's not the sheets I'm worried about." He looked up at her, "I don't care what doctors say," He nodded at the blood patch, "that's gotta take a toll on you."

"A toll of embarrassment." She sighed, "Get up, I'll change the sheets."

"No. I'll change the sheets." Finn answered resolutely. He got up and stripped the bed, the mattress had a small spot of blood on it.

"Well that's both sides now." She shook her head, about to apologise again.

"Aye, you left your mark." He turned to her with a small grin, "Like territory. No other girls allowed." She smiled at him.

"That's right." She decided to go with it; it was nicer than feeling embarrassed.

"That's the way I like it, so we both win." He smiled reassuringly at her and she was so thankful for his kindness.

_Kind people are so hard to find. _

He kissed her mouth with such tenderness, such love that Rae felt it; she felt that he loved her. She looked into his eyes and saw that look of his that she could never fathom. She thought she knew what it meant now. Thought she could finally believe it.

_That's the way he looks at me when he's thinking that he loves me._

_Finn loves me._

_The way that I love him. _

He stroked her hair, his eyes taking in all of her face.

_Oh my god._

_Is he going to say it?_

_I always thought I'd end up saying it first. _

"You're my world Rae." He breathed. His fingers fell down her face slowly, lingering on her lips, his eyes following their descent. She saw is mouth twitch, as if he had more to say, that look in his eyes intensifying as his eyes returned to hers. He opened his mouth, his eyes, filled with love, blinking slowly;

"Rae." He said softly, "I-"

There was a knock at the door. Finn turned his face to look at it, his mouth still open as if the word were caught between his lips. Rae felt her heart thumping as she looked at the side of his face, stunned at what she thought had just nearly happened.

"What?" He answered he knock.

"Do you two want pancakes for breakfast?" Came a muffled voice through the door; it was his dad. Rae turned to look at the door, still in shock.

"Thanks." Finn affirmed and they heard Gary retreating from the closed door. He turned back to Rae, "We should shower afore Janice steals the bathroom." He smiled and stroked her hair; that look still in his eyes, "Come on Miss Earl."

She leaned against the shower wall and watched him washing his body. She thought back to when she'd seen him naked in the shower and left. And here he was, soaping up right in front of her, she could touch him if she wanted and he'd like that. He washed himself and listened to her talk about school. She never thought she'd end up here, like this. She barely even thought about getting naked in front of him now, she did it easily. Sometimes dark thoughts would enter her mind unbidden. But mostly, the way he adored her and her body, drowned those thoughts out.

She knew he'd want to wash her body, he enjoyed doing that, whispering how much he loved her body as he did it, but she'd have to refuse today. His eyes had already fallen to the blood washing down the drain more than once.

"What were Stacey saying to you?" He asked in a lull in her monologue.

"Um… She said I were ugly and that you must compare our bodies." She smiled grimly, bravely, but Finn saw the vulnerability.

"Well I don't." He shook his head, "but if I were too, she would not do too well." He reassured her. "And you are not ugly." He said firmly.

"It's alright. I didn't listen to her."

"Good."

"I know she got low self-esteem, that's why she always on at other people." Rae shrugged, "and I'm trying to not see it as a competition, you know?"

"I don't think Stacey has a low self-esteem Rae." Finn said sceptically.

"Maybe not. I don't really care." It felt nice to be so unaffected by Stacey. What she said hurt, and there were still parts of her that fretted over these things, but for the most part, she simply let Stacey's words slide off her.

"She also said that you two shagged." Finn sighed and rolled his eyes.

"We didn't!" Rae nodded her head that she believed him and Finn looked relieved.

"I told her that you told me the truth and she said you was lying, and that you was a smooth talker who got in all the girls pants."

"I can't believe she said that!" Finn said crankily.

"Don't worry what other people think."

"I don't care what they think. I care what you think."

"Oh, well, I know you're a smooth talker who got in all the girl's mouths." She teased and he narrowed his eyes momentarily before looking away moodily.

"I hate that I were like that." He said softly. Rae shrugged.

"I don't." Finn turned his eyes to her, unconvinced. "It's a part of you – of your history. I could never hate any part of you." She said meaningfully, "I told you that." An impish grin spread across her face, "you know, I do mean it when I say these things." He smiled, hardly believing his luck.

"Alright." He said, pleased. "Do you know you're the first girl to swallow me spunk?" He said suddenly.

"I figured after you got all gooey-eyed over it." She grinned. He laughed self-consciously. "I'll be doing that again." She said with a slight lick of her lips that made his balls ache.

"Tease." He said, enjoying every minute of it.

"Aye." She copied him.

"First to taste it too." He added, staring at her mouth.

"Really?" She sounded genuinely surprised, "All that head and no one got it in their mouths?"

"Cos I give a warning." He explained. Rae raised her eyebrows showing she was surprised they'd choose to pull away. He shrugged and started to soap up her chest.

"I might do me today?" She said softly. He hesitated.

"I can handle it." He said softly, "I mean… the blood."

"I know. But I'd prefer to."

"Of course." He handed her the soap without hesitation. "Do you need me to turn around?" This morning she had made him wait outside while she had dealt with the pad. She shook her head.

"But you know, don't go staring!" He nodded his head in reply, and watched her face as she soaped up and started to talk again, this time about music. He smiled wistfully, leaning against the wall of the shower and listened to her, watched the way her face lit up as she spoke.

"What's going on in your head Mr Nelson?" She asked when she noticed his facial expression.

"Sometimes I miss this." He said softly. She gave him a quizzical look. He smiled, embarrassed and she gave him a look to indicate that he needed to explain, "now don't take this the wrong way…"

"Alright." She said slowly.

"Cos I wouldn't change anything, except for some of the fuck ups I've made. And I'm right glad that we're talking more proper. But sometimes…" He smiled reminiscing, "I miss just talking music with you. Or talking shit. Or football… or what nice coloured nipples you got." He smiled cheekily and she returned the grin, "Or not talking and just listening to your voice." He looked at her mouth and then up to her eyes, "sometimes I miss not having anything serious to talk about, you know?" He sighed, "I been a silent kinda person all me life. It's strange being otherwise." He nodded slowly analysing the look on her face for any signs that this was upsetting her, "but I wouldn't change it." He reassured her, even though he found none. "Not for anything. I like opening up. But I do miss just listening to you bang on about nothing at all." He grinned, as she touched his face.

"I am sure I can manage to arrange that." She laughed, "You know what, let's do that today. No serious talks, unless it's me proving I know more about music than you…"

"Oi." He warned and she kissed him, laughing.

"And if you don't feel like talking, I'm sure I can talk enough for the both of us."

"What if you don't want to talk?"

"Are you serious?" He chortled happily at her joke, "in the unlikely event that I don't want to talk, we'll just listen to music. Just hang out hugging. How does that sound?"

"It sounds really nice."

_'Girls Just Want To Have Fun' by Cindi Lauper_

"When they dry put some more ointment on." Janice advised Rae. Rae was sitting looking at the scabs, wet from the shower, on her hands. Janice was sitting at the kitchen table, one foot on the chair, her slender fingers carefully painting her toenails fire engine red.

"And you shouldn't cover them today." She nodded at Rae's pants.

"Alright." Rae watched Finn and his dad washing the dishes from breakfast; they planned to go out and get the new bed today. "What's in that stuff?"

"It's a honey derivative."

"Honey?"

"Don't ask me!" Janice shook her head, "I have no idea how it works, I just know, that if you want the smallest scars possible then that's your stuff."

"So you're still fine to stay with Rae?" Gary asked over his shoulder as he emptied the sink.

"Yes." Janice rolled her eyes at his worried tone, "we're going to do girly things while you two blokes go and do manly things." She grinned at Rae, and Rae couldn't help but grin back.

"I dunno." Finn protested again; he'd been unhappy with the idea of letting Rae leave his sight, even if for just an hour.

"I'll be fine here." Rae answered him with soothing and encouraging tones. Finn finished drying the last plate and put it in the cupboard before sitting beside her, angling the chair to face her. Janice and Gary exchanged a glance.

"You sure?"

"You'll only be gone an hour, right?" He nodded in reply. "I'll be fine. I promise."

"Alright." Finn said softly. He put his hands on her waist, gently rubbing the swell of her lower stomach and massaging her lower back. She had commented that the cramps were bad today, and he worried. He kissed her gently.

"Now listen to me Rae." He said, "Remember how you punched me?" She blushed and looked down, nodding. "Anyone comes in here, you do that to them if they get close to you, and you fucking run. You don't worry about Janice, you don't worry about nothing. You run and you hide."

"I'll be fine." Rae kissed him but he would not be soothed.

"You heard me?"

"I heard you." She answered, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

"I'll be as quick as possible."

"Ok well we're good to go." Gary said as his son kissed Rae urgently. Gary looked at Janice meaningfully and she gave him a look of pleading. He shook his head and nodded back towards Rae and Finn. Janice sighed and nodded, eliciting a grim smile of satisfaction from Gary.

Finn stopped kissing Rae, just in time for her to see the end of this exchange.

"Back soon girl." Finn got up and went with his dad, Gary giving one last look to Janice who nodded, resigned. Rae waited until they left the room and looked at Janice.

"Shall I paint your nails?" She grinned.

"What was that about?" Rae nodded at the door Gary had just exited through and Janice groaned.

"Gary convinced me, whilst I was a little tipsy, that it would be a good idea for me to talk to you about…" She rolled her eyes and shook her head, "About contraception." She added in a dramatic voice of doom, making Rae laugh.

"Oh god why?' She knew she should be embarrassed but it was hard to feel that way around Janice.

"He found the pregnancy test." Janice shrugged. Rae tutted and rolled her eyes.

"Finn was supposed to get rid of that."

"He did." Janice grinned, "By putting it in the bin. In the kitchen." Rae shook her head and Janice laughed.

"I think I need to talk to Finn about how to hide things properly." Rae groaned, Janice smiling at her sympathetically.

"Boys are useless at that kind of thing." Janice agreed. "Hands." Janice ordered and Rae held out her hands to her. Janice started to expertly paint the bright red nail polish onto Rae's stubby nails.

"This would really look much better on your nails." Rae mused.

"It's too much for me." Janice grimaced. "I tend to be a little shy." She apologised.

"Well if I have to, you have to."

"Alright then!" Janice chuckled.

"So how much 'talking to' about it do I get, before you decide you've done your duty to Gary?" Janice pulled a face in answer.

"I really don't know!" She mused for a while, "I'm the youngest sister in my family and I have no children… I've never had to do this talk before."

"Well, how about I tell you that I'm on the pill, so you don't have'ta worry? Talk done."

"Did you miss a few?" Janice asked knowingly. Rae pulled a face and nodded. "I used to miss them all the time too."

"They're so stupid!" Rae agreed, "Who's gonna remember to take it at the same time every day?" She pulled a face and Janice laughed.

"Are you still forgetting them?"

"No." Rae said, "I just went through-" She stopped. "I actually haven't even unpacked them." She shook her head at her own ineptitude.

"Right." Janice said softly. "So the last couple of days…"

"I totally forgot them." Rae shook her head disbelievingly.

"Should we get another test?"

"No. No need." Rae shook her head. Janice remembered the bloody sheets she'd found in the machine and knew why there was no need.

"Do you think that maybe condoms-"

"No." Rae answered firmly, "I won't use condoms with Finn." Janice stopped to blow on Rae's nails gently. "How'd you remember to take the pill?" Rae asked hopefully.

"I never could. I just got a Mirena put in. Much easier." Janice answered without a thought and started a second coat of nail polish.

"What's that?" Janice looked up at Rae's face, a thought popping into her head.

"Have you seen a gynaecologist?" Rae shook her head, "haven't had a pap smear then?" Janice asked and Rae once again shook her head. "I think that I might book you in to see a gynaecologist!" Janice said, a little excited.

"Alright." Rae said, noting her excitement.

"I'm sorry. It's like having a little sister!" Janice smiled happily, before answering Rae's question, "Mirena is a type of birth control that might be perfect for you." Janice nodded sagely, "no pills to remember." She impressed upon Rae, "and after a truly heinous first fortnight, I got very little bleeding for the next few months, and after that nothing."

"What? No periods?"

"No periods." Janice said with a wise grin.

"That sounds good."

"Especially good if you're actually having sex." Janice chuckled.

"I suspect you will be soon enough!" Rae raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Janice feigned. "So you punched Finn?"

"Yeah he were teaching me self-defence." Rae answered with no interest, "You and Gary… are you at it yet?" She gave Janice a smutty look and Janice blushed.

"Don't be ridiculous Rae. We're just friends." She looked pleased nonetheless.

"C'mon!" Rae teased, "You'd have that!" Janice burst out laughing.

"Stop it!" She giggled.

"You so want a piece of Nelson senior." Rae marvelled at Janice's blush. Janice laughed and finished Rae's nails.

"Maybe a little." She admitted shyly. "But don't tell either of them!" She chuckled.

"Your secret is safe with me." Rae blew on her nails, "although I have to tell you, I don't think it's a well-kept secret." Janice pulled a face.

"Oh Rae." She shook her head, "I hope it's better kept than you think. I wouldn't want to make Gary uncomfortable in his own home."

"I don't think you are.' Rae answered seriously.

"No but I would be." She shook her head, "he's not interested in me." Janice started to paint her own nails, as promised.

"Why would you think that?" Rae laughed, "Have you seen yourself?"

"I'm not that pretty Rae!" She smiled sadly as she looked up at Rae, "besides, Nelson men don't give up on their loves that easily. As you well know." Janice sighed and looked down at her nails. "He's still in love with Kenzie. He's not thinking about me in that way." She shook her head thoughtfully as she painted a nail.

"I'm sorry." Rae said and carefully laid a hand on her arm. "I really thought he liked you."

"I have rotten luck with men!" Janice lamented, a hint of a joke in her tone. "I always end up with fools. And the good men I find are never available or interested in me." She sighed, "I shall die alone!" She laughed.

"Alright, if we're gonna talk like this, we need ice cream!" Rae started to get up to get it and paused. "Janice?" She asked slowly, a thought having just come to her, "can I tell you something, and you keep it private, even though you might wanna tell?"

"Absolutely." Janice answered honestly. Rae believed her.

"We found the letter. Finn…" She trailed off.

"Oh no." Janice said in a small voice. "Last week?" She asked and Rae nodded, "he was very distant." Janice explained. "Gary was very worried. He worries a lot about Finn. And you." Janice sighed. "Is he ok?"

"I dunno." Rae answered, all of her fears surfacing. "I think he is, but… I don't know."

"I've been telling Gary that he needed to tell Finn about Grace and Kenzie all this week, but I never wanted Finn to find out by reading that letter. It's brutal." Janice looked devastated on behalf of Finn.

"He's tough but." Rae tried to comfort her. "And he's got me. I'm as mad as his mum!" She joked.

"You mustn't think that way Rae." Janice answered gravely. "Not one little bit." She shook her head. "Finn doesn't have some weird Oedipus Complex; you don't remind him of his mum. He loves you for everything you are."

"D'you really think he loves me?" Rae thought back to earlier that morning. She'd thought he was about to say it.

"I've never seen a young man more in love." Janice blew on her nails and Rae tried not to smile too widely. "I think you might need a third coat. Make them as red as possible."

"What are we gonna do about the letter?" Rae asked as she laid her hands down for Janice.

"Oh Gary doesn't need to know." She shrugged, "it's probably better that he doesn't-" Janice looked up at Rae's worried face and stopped.

"Finn burned it." Rae breathed the words as if she really didn't want to say them.

"Oh shit." Janice opened her mouth in surprise. She took a moment to collect herself, "well I guess it's only a matter of time then…" Rae nodded miserably. "I'll try and mellow him to the idea of Finn knowing. You try and make sure Finn really has forgiven his father for keeping this from him."

"We got a plan then." Rae said with real relief, "Thanks Janice." Rae said earnestly, "I been so worried about this."

"I can imagine!" She smiled encouragingly at her, "don't fret, we'll sort it out." Janice went back to painting Rae's nails, "They'll be stupid boys about it. And we'll fix it."

They sat in silence for a while blowing their nails and each planning in their head just how they would deal with their Nelson.

"I'll do your toenails as well." Janice motioned for Rae to put her feet up into her lap and Rae obliged.

"So why was Finn teaching you self-defence?"

"Oh it was nothing. Some girl at school wanted to bash me." Rae shrugged.

"Well I'm glad you know how to throw a punch. I don't."

"Like I'll ever need to know."

"You're not taking this stalker thing very seriously are you?" Rae shrugged uncomfortably.

"Me mum thinks he could rape or kill me." Rae said thoughtfully, "and Chop's cousin killed his ex after stalking her…" Rae scrunched up her face, "but I just don't see any guy being that obsessed over me." Rae explained earnestly, "it's like… why would you?" She asked, "Go find a girl that wants you. There's plenty o' girls out there. Why waste your time on me when I got a lad." She shook her head.

"Well I can name one fella that obsessed with you." Janice said seriously.

"Who?' Rae scoffed.

"Do really not see it?" Janice asked with a faint smile. Rae shook her head. "Finn." Janice replied.

"Yeah but Finn's me boyfriend…"

"But when he wasn't with you, he was still obsessed with you." Janice blew Rae's toes for a moment before continuing onto the other foot.

"Not really. He had a girlfriend…" Rae disagreed.

"From what I understand, even Olivia was all about you."

Rae pulled a face, thinking.

"Yeah but I like him being obsessed with me." Rae said happily and Janice smiled.

"As opposed to a stalker's unwelcome obsession." Janice agreed with a nod.

"Yeah Finn's obsession doesn't lead him to send me dead mice!" She laughed, "His is a good obsession." Janice blew her other foot gently. "Do you really think this guy's a threat?" She asked softly.

"Yes." Janice answered truthfully. "When I did my fine arts degree I picked up a lot of gender studies courses as well. There's a lot of studies into violence against women Rae… Stalking is a serious issue. Women get killed…" Rae lowered her eyes.

"I mean I'm scared… but… why me?" Janice shook her head in sympathy.

"I don't know. I didn't do any courses that taught me about how a stalker chooses his victim." She looked helplessly at Rae, "but you are special Rae. Maybe you touched his life and now he's angry that he can't have you?"

Rae thought about this as Janice started to do a second coat on her toenails.

"But there's no one in my life like that." She said slowly, "the only boy I've gotten close enough to 'touch their life' is Finn."

"Well we know it's not Finn." Janice said softly.

"Yeah! Cos why would he? He's already got me!"

"So there must be someone else." Janice concluded.

"There isn't but."

_'Fade To Black' by Metallica_

_It's dark in here. And I can hear him moving around on the other side of the door._

_I know he'll come in._

_Eventually._

_He always does._

_It's not me. _

_It's not me he touches._

_Close your eyes Chloe. Think about dragonflies. _

_Remember coming down to the River Welland with daddy and watching the big fat blue dragonflies speeding around. _

_Think about the green of the trees, and the feel of grass underneath you and the blue of the sky. _

_Think about the warmth of the sun on your skin._

_Remember that time that a dragonfly landed on your foot. _

_Think about the dragonflies. _

Chloe opened her eyes and the image of that spring morning vanished. Replaced by a dull grey dreariness.

_The river looks so depressing in winter._

The sound of him moving outside of the room came back to her mind.

She sat, her knees under her chin, her arms wrapped around her shins, at the water's edge. But still her mind kept playing tricks. Kept taking her back to that house.

_I have no one now._

_I am alone._

_Utterly alone. _

A car backfired nearby and she jumped painfully, her body aching from having sat like this in the frigid cold all night.

_I can make it all right._

_He's going to come in._

_Dragonflies._

_DON'T TOUCH ME._

_My Rae. Please forgive me._

_IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!_

_It's so dark in here._

_And the green grass._

_Please Rae. Please don't look at me like that._

_The door knob is moving. _

_He's coming._

_The dragonfly on my foot. _

_So beautiful._

_You did this deliberately didn't you?_

_There's no one here to save you Chloe._

_You're all alone now. _

_Please no._

_The door is opening._

_Is it true? Please Rae, please forgive me._

_He's walking in._

_And the sun is streaming down and 'daddy look at me!'_

_He's getting into the bed with her._

_Not me_

_It isn't me_

Chloe gasped.

Tears fell down her face as her mind raced, unable to settle in one spot.

_I'm in love with Finn_

_I'll come for you._

_Is it true?_

_Stay away from me Chloe. You ruin everything._

_Please don't touch me. _

_You love the idea of him._

_I have to tell the truth_

_There's no one now_

_As it should be_

_This is what you deserve._

She looked at the river. It would be freezing cold.

_I do know him-you're alone-is it true-the door is opening-the green grass and the-stay away from me-you did this deliberately-please don't touch me-please-please-it isn't me-the dragonfly that landed on your foot-_

_I could just walk into the river._

Blissful clarity.

She started to rock back and forth, sobbing.

_Do it._

_No one will miss you_

_They'll be better off without you._

_Do it._

_DO IT YOU FUCKING BITCH!_

She wept, her body shaking. She nodded.

"Ok." She wept. "Ok."

She started to prepare herself to crawl into the river, when a man crouched beside her.

"Are you alright?" She flinched away from him.

"What?" She asked bewildered.

"It's alright." He noticed the way she flinched, "I won't hurt you."

Chloe looked at the man, he was vaguely familiar.

"Je vais bien, je vais bien. Qu'est-ce que tu fais ici?" Her voice broke piercingly and she looked away, trying to discretely wipe her face.

"What's that?"

"Je vais bien."

"I don't speak French." He smiled wanly.

"But aren't you…"

"Rae's French uncle? No." He said with a sad smile, "but you're her friend, yes?"

"No." Chloe said and started to sob. Kester took out a handkerchief and handed it to her.

"It's freezing out here. Why are you sitting out here?"

"What are you doing out here?" She deflected through defiant tears.

"My girlfriend thinks that I sit too much." He said amused. Chloe noticed the jogging shoes, the sweat pants. "So I take a stroll every morning. I think she thinks I'm jogging." He said with a slight smile. Chloe swallowed slowly and looked at him curiously.

"Alright." She sniffed.

"Your turn." He said softly. "Why are you out here?"

"I ruined everything." She sniffed again, tears still dripping from her eyes. Kester eyed the wet grass and sat on it anyway. He took his jacket off and put it around her shoulders.

"How did you ruin everything?" She shook her head and looked out at the river.

"That's right…" She said as if coming out of a haze, "Rae told me – you're actually her therapist. I forgot." She sounded lost, her voice stained with tears.

"I am a therapist." Kester agreed. But he would not speak about Rae in any specific terms. "So how did you ruin everything?"

"I don't need therapy." Chloe said defensively.

"Well it's not therapy is it?" Kester picked up a rock and threw it into the river, "we're not in my office." He scratched his nose, "this is just two strangers talking." She smiled at him and looked down at her hands considering what he'd said.

"Alright." She said carefully. "Two strangers talking."

"That's it." Kester nodded. "So tell me how you ruined everything."

"I fell in love with Finn." Kester fought to keep his face unaffected as she continued, "I kissed him… even though I knew he were with Rae… and I felt guilty… so I told Rae… and now they've broken up… and it's my fault." Kester took a silent, deep breath, trying to conceal his disappointment. "I've lost them both." She sniffed hard, tears falling down her face." Kester rubbed his face and licked his lips. Thinking of what question to ask.

"So… so why did you fall in love with this Finn person?"

"Because he's perfect." Chloe turned her tortured eyes to him.

"No one's perfect."

"Finn is." She shrugged and looked back to the river.

"Ok." Kester agreed with her gently. "And why did you kiss him, even though you knew he was dating your friend?"

"I just wanted him." She struggled through the words.

"Why him?"

"Because he's perfect!" She said angrily. "And I don't deserve him! Rae was right when she wrote that."

"Why do you think you don't deserve him?"

"I dunno." She said softly.

"Ok." Kester wished he had his cigarettes with him. "What did you feel when you kissed him?" He changed tact.

"I felt…" She paused. "Desperate for him. I wanted to feel…"

"What did you want to feel?" She looked at him again.

"Anything." A tear slid down her face. "If there was anyone that could… make me feel something…" She started to cry.

"So Finn is someone that might be able to alleviate your feelings of nothingness… of numbness?" Kester tried to put all the puzzle pieces together.

"I thought he could." Kester folded his hands in his lap and tried to ignore how cold and wet his arse was.

"So why do you feel so numb."

"I'm empty." She whispered.

"Oh I don't think so. I've just seen you weep out so many tears and so many emotions… I think you're full. Full of too much… pain." He said carefully.

"Just leave me alone."

"Can't." She gave him a dirty look. "It looked very much to me like you were going to crawl into that river. That might have killed you." He spoke gently. "So I can't leave here until I know you're safe."

"I'm fine." She said bitterly.

"Was it an individual thing that made you feel this way?"

"I said I'm fine."

"Or perhaps a series of things."

"I'm fine!" He saw her anger flare.

"A series of things." He ascertained.

"Ok fine!" She snapped, "stupid little slut Chloe, got herself raped." The words spat from her mouth in a vitriolic torrent. "She got herself raped dozens of times over just a couple of days… but that stupid bitch didn't really keep track of the time so it could it could have been weeks for all she knows. What an utter cunt that Chloe is." She snapped, "And then the one person. The ONE person that came to save her from it… She betrayed that person." She looked away, "She broke that person's heart. Because you know, that's what slags do. You can't trust 'em." She shrugged angrily in an attempt to show she didn't care anymore, "so now that stupid little cunt is all alone." She turned to look at him, "just like she deserves." She turned away, bitter bile raising in her throat.

"You're not alone." He said truthfully. "I'm here." They sat in silence for a long time.

"Why would I do that to Rae?"

"Trauma can make us do some very strange things." He said gently.

"All I want is for Rae to be here. And she'll never forgive me!" Chloe cried bitterly. And Kester sucked his teeth thoughtfully as he waited for her to calm a little.

"I suggest you wait a few days for things to settle and you try talking to her."

"What would be the point?" She asked miserably.

"The point is that this friendship matters to you. So you must try to heal it. And that will take a lot of time and effort." Kester said gently. "So you need to be at your best to do that. You need to rest and take care of yourself. And perhaps talk to someone about the things that have happened." He prodded.

"I don't need a therapist." She shook her head.

"Ok. Well maybe you just need to have a more regular chat with a stranger?" Chloe watched the river lazily sweeping by.

"Is there any chance she'll forgive me?"

"There's always a chance. But never a guarantee." Kester answered frankly.

"I'd like to try." She turned to him. He nodded and stood up, offering him her hand.

"Let's get you out of this cold."

_'Undone (The Sweater Song) by Weezer_

When Finn and Gary finally returned, Finn was cranky that it had taken nearly 2 hours. But Janice and Rae were giggling about something, that neither of them were willing to divulge, and everything seemed fine, so his mood quickly lifted, from cranky protectiveness to just overprotectiveness.

"Right let's get your old bed down, then we can take the new one up." Gary grinned after a few minutes of looking everywhere but Finn kissing Rae and holding her protectively, asking her if everything was alright, Rae laughing and soothing him.

Finn bounded up the stairs. Gary followed with Rae and Janice in tow; Janice carrying the bag of new sheets they'd had to buy. Finn reefed the sheets off the mattress and started to lift it away before Gary even got to the room.

"Steady on!" He chuckled as he started to help. "What happened here?" He noticed the blood stain on the mattress and Finn shrugged.

"Cut myself." He mumbled. Gary looked at the stain and opened his mouth to question that.

"Boys cut themselves. Shit happens." Janice stopped him. She gave a sly glance to Rae, who blushed slightly and thanked her silently. Gary saw the exchange.

"Oh." He realised. "Oh right." Finn and Janice rolled their eyes as Rae's blush deepened. "Well yes. Boys can be pretty clumsy." He grinned conspiratorially.

"Yes." Janice agreed, unimpressed. She moved out of the way so that they could get the mattress downstairs. Once the mattress had cleared the room she looked down through the slats of the bedframe to what was once under his bed. "Finn?" She called out. "Is there anything under your bed?" Rae came up to Janice and looked down at what she was looking at.

"Nope." He called back.

"You sure?" Rae called shaking her head at the small pile of porno mags, a browned banana peel, a few wadded up tissues and three odd socks.

"I don't think so." He called back as he headed down the stairs with the mattress, banging his hand painfully on the wall.

"Well I guess he hasn't looked at these in a while then." Janice said picking one of the pornographic magazines up.

"Juggs?" Rae asked incredulously picking up another one. Janice started to laugh as she held up hers.

"Juggs!" She agreed. There was a picture of a thin woman with enormous breasts on the cover. "They can't be real!" Janice scoffed. Rae pulled an amused face and opened up the magazine. The next picture was of a fairly Rubenesque woman with large breasts.

"Bloody hell!" Rae laughed as she flipped through the pages.

"Oh she's good looking!" Janice pointed out one of the models as Rae flicked through the magazine. "There's so many different types of women!" She said excitedly. "Such good close ups of vaginas!" She looked closely at a picture, "I wonder if he wants these anymore?' she mused," I could definitely paint most of these girls!" She said with a grin, "there's never enough nude models for painters." She explained and tilted her heard to look at another picture.

"Oh fuck!" They heard from downstairs.

"Ah, he's remembered." Janice chuckled, and Rae started to laugh in earnest as she heard Finn crashing back up the stairs. He stopped in the doorway, his mouth open, his eyes travelling from the pile of magazines to Janice and Rae, each with an open copy of Juggs magazine in their hands.

"They're Chop's." He explained hurriedly, obviously lying.

"What are you lying for?" Janice waved off his lie, "every boy's got a pornography collection." Finn started to shake his head and turned his eyes to Rae. He screwed up his face in embarrassed concern as he saw Rae open the centre fold up.

"Wow." She exclaimed and Finn sucked his bottom lip and tried to look less awkward as they laughed merrily.

"That is a beautiful vagina." Janice said in awe.

"Um… so I might just…" He walked over to the pile and his eyes fell to the wadded up tissues, the blush in is cheeks deepened. He picked up the magazines and turned to Janice and Rae expectantly. "I might just put these in the bin." He reached his hand out for the magazines they held.

"Can I have them?" Janice asked and she started to go through the magazines in his arms, "are they all Juggs?" Finn looked at the ceiling, his mouth a tight line and Rae took pity on him.

"You can keep them if you want." She said softly and Janice picked up another magazine and flicked straight to the centrefold.

"No." He turned his eyes to her, "I haven't looked at them in ages. I totally forget about them… obviously." Gary wandered in the room ready to get the bedframe out and saw Finn, a pile of porno mags in his arms, looking earnestly, embarrassed at Rae who held a copy of Juggs magazine, Janice staring at a centrefold in amazement.

"They're mine." He said suddenly, looking at Rae. And then he looked at Janice, "I mean they're not." He hesitated, "they're a friend of mine's. Is what I meant to say." He said with an awkward gesture of his hands. "Not sure how they got in here." He continued lying. "I'll just take those to the bin." He gave Finn a look and started to take a pile.

"Can I have them?" Janice asked excitedly. Gary's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Um… ok?" He said and Janice took the pile.

"Do you want that one Rae?" She asked looking at the edition in Rae's hand.

"Oh no that's fine." Rae put it on Janice's pile and Janice grinned happily as she left Finn's room to put the magazines in her own room.

"Why does she want them?" Gary breathed softly.

"Lesbian." Rae teased him and saw his eyebrows furrow as he looked out of the room after Janice.

"Oh.' He sounded disappointed and she started to laugh.

"For art Gary!" She said as if it were obvious, "she wants to paint the ladies."

"Oh of course!" He said happier. And Rae now knew what Janice was yet to see. Finn was too busy staring at the wall, his face burning in shame, to have really taken in much of that exchange. Rae went over to him and touched his hand.

"I'm sorry." He said fiercely.

"Don't be sorry!" She answered softly.

"Cup of tea?" Gary asked and left the room without waiting for a response, taking Janice with him as she left her room.

"You shouldn't o' had to see that." He sat on the bedframe and looked up at her.

"I don't mind." She stood in front of him and he leaned his head on her stomach, wrapping his hands around her legs, his hands going to her arse.

"I do."

"Yeah well, now I know why you like boobs so much." She teased and he couldn't help but grin at her.

"I always liked tits." He said, "Even afore I got me hands on them magazines." He reached up and squeezed her breasts firmly a very satisfied grin on his face as he moulded them to his hands expertly.

"Pleased with yourself?" She said with an amused smirk.

"Aye." He said lustily, "very." He kept massaging her breasts firmly as she spoke.

"Janice noticed that there were lots of different body types in them." She smiled; the porno mags oddly putting her at ease, but he shrugged and made himself leave her tits alone; they were getting far too distracting.

"I always liked lots o' different body types." He shrugged again, self-consciously, "Chop always wanted Penthouse and Playboy, but they was a bit boring, all the girls looked the same." His hands ran down the back of her thighs to her shins and back up, "I mean there's nothing wrong with the way those girls look, I liked that too, it's just… I liked lots of different things." He looked up at her, "now I only like one type of body." His hands travelled up her back as far as her could reach, "yours."

"I know." She answered; 90% believing him. He smiled as if she had said the most important thing in the world to him.

"Yeah?" He asked, excited. She nodded.

"You've done a pretty good job of making that clear." She leaned down and kissed him gently and his hands went to her face instantly. She straightened up and he hugged her to him, his head happily resting on her stomach.

"So you're not upset about them?" She shook her head, still grinning at him.

"I might have been upset if they was all Playboys though." She said honestly.

"I think I do have one in here somewhere." He said thoughtfully and looked over at his desks. "They weren't me favourite, but sometimes if that's all you can get…" He said as he looked back up at her, "then that's what you do." He kissed her stomach. "I think I have'ta go through me room and get rid of some crap."

"Me too." She sympathised.

"Aye, but I bet you don't have any dirty magazines to embarrass you."

"I got a pretty dirty book."

"Oh yeah?" He asked with a cheeky glint in his eye.

"It's called 'Caesar's Last Love.' " Finn raised his eyebrows sceptically.

"It don't sound that dirty." Rae sat on the bedframe beside him.

"Oh right, well it's no Juggs magazine…"

"Alright!"

"But… there is a particular scene with Caesar's wife and a centurion that…" She shrugged, trying to suggest it to him rather than say it. She had started to tell him this to help him feel less embarrassed. Now she felt butterflies in her stomach thinking about that first time she'd masturbated and what had happened in her fantasies.

"Oh yeah, you rub one out to it?" He asked with a sly grin. "You gonna let me watch you masturbate?" He kissed her neck as they heard Gary and Janice slowly coming back up the stairs.

"I did 'rub one out' to it." She said cheekily, her face close to his, their lips nearly touching. "A little after you told me to go kick Archie's arse, you remember?"

"I do."

"It was the first time I masturbated."

"Oh right?" He asked surprised. Intently interested in this story.

"It was the first time I ever had an orgasm." She heard him sharply intake his breath.

"Is that right?" His voice was husky with desire.

"Yeah, that's right."

"I need to read this book."

"I were fantasising." She whispered, keeping her eyes on the hallway.

"About the centurion?" He watched her nod and smiled.

_This is so sexy. _

_Thinking about Rae masturbating is so fucking sexy. _

"And I was Caesar's wife." She whispered as Gary and Janice approached, "And you were the centurion." He looked up at her with wonder, wanting to ask more, but Gary and Janice were there, with cups of tea for everyone.

"What?" He asked softly, taken aback, incredibly horny, wanting to be inside her so much.

"You heard." She turned to Janice. "Which one's mine?" Janice held out a mug for her and she gladly took it. Finn's awestruck face didn't leave hers.

"Here's yours!" Gary said and Finn had to tear his eyes away and try to act normally. They drunk their tea while Gary told them the tale of how they'd brought the bed in painstaking detail, clearly trying to take everyone's minds off the porno magazines. Finn's eyes kept returning to Rae's face hungrily. He was already itching to be inside of her. It had been so long since they'd had sex, but now he thought he'd burst the seams of his jeans he was throbbing so hard.

_She masturbated about me._

_Way back, too. _

_Long before I knew I liked her. _

_The first time she did it._

_And it were me in her mind._

_She masturbated… thinking about me… before we was together… the first time she did it…_

_Oh my god._

_Rae masturbating._

_Oomph…_

He thought about the way she looked when he'd seen her putting her hand down her pants at her place when he'd been looking in the window, just before he tapped it.

He tried to imagine her first time. The first time she'd touched herself.

_Steady Finn._

He warned himself.

_Oh god… the first time she touched herself. _

He imagined what she'd look like naked, her fingers caressing herself, exploring, experimenting for the first time, her mind thinking about him… back before they were together. Back when she'd never orgasmed before.

_Oh fuck that is so unbelievably sexy._

And then a sudden thought came to him.

_I kinda gave her, her first orgasm._

_I was the first guy she fantasised about having sex with._

_She…_

_Holy fuck._

_I have to have her. Now. _

He looked over at the way she was smiling.

_She knows what this is doing to me. _

_That saucy minx._

_Fuck I love her._

_I want her so bad._

_I can't believe I were her first real sexual fantasy. _

_I were her first!_

He suddenly noticed that there was silence.

"What?" He asked, realising he'd been asked a question.

"Are you alright?" Janice asked, "You're looking a little peaked."

"I'm fine." He answered absent-mindedly. "Let's get the bedframe out." He stood up, casually angling himself away from everyone and bending to pick up the bed frame, quickly covering his groin with the upturned bed.

As soon as they left the room, Janice turned to Rae.

"What were you saying to him when we came back up?

"Nothing, why?"

"I need to know whatever that move was, so I can use it!" She said seriously, a look of awe on her face. Rae blushed.

"I don't think you can use that particular move." Rae said carefully.

"Oh right?" Janice chuckled.

They brought the new bed frame up with them and left it in the hallway and Finn came back in and moved his bedside table.

Once the new bed was finally in place Gary and Janice headed downstairs and Rae started to make the bed, but Finn stopped her firmly and made it himself.

"I can do it!" She laughed but he shook his head resolutely.

"I told you." He said firmly, "I don't care what doctors say. You're bleeding. That's draining. Sit down. Rest." She shook her head at him and sat down to go through her bag of clothes, knowing there was no point in arguing with him. There would be no convincing him, and since she really did have horrible cramps today, she wasn't going to complain. She pulled out her pill and took today's, guiltily, figuring that since she was on her period, it didn't matter that she'd skipped a few.

When he was done making the bed, he turned some music on and sat on the bed, inviting her to come and try it out, with a grin. She put her pills on the bedside table and then sat next to him and twined her fingers in his. He looked down at her hand and ran his fingers along her red nails.

"I like your nails."

"They're too short for nail polish." She shook her head.

"No they're not." He smiled fondly, "they're perfect." And he looked up at her face with a very serious look on his face, "and if they was any longer, you'd probably claw through to me lungs." He ended with a slight twist of his mouth. She tapped his arm in mock protest.

"I like your new bed." She changed the topic.

"Our bed." He corrected. She smiled, absurdly pleased with what he said.

"At least there's no blood on the mattress." She mused.

"You got plenty o' time for that." She narrowed her eyes at him. "What? I want you to!" He laughed. "You know, marking your territory." He made that joke again and she couldn't even feign being angry at him when he grinned like that. "Although, I'd prefer it if it's not too much blood. It scares me a little, how much you're bleeding."

"It's fine. Women do this stuff all the time."

"Women are definitely tougher than men." He nodded his head earnestly. "I'd probably weep like a baby if I bled for 5 days!"

"Does period talk count as serious stuff?" Rae asked.

"I dunno." Finn furrowed his face in thought.

"Cos there'll be none of that today!" She ordered with a grin.

"Alright. What do you wanna talk about?" Rae laid down in the bed considering his question.

"Oh this is a good bed." He laid beside her, slightly leaning over her, stroking her hair and watching her face as she settled into the bed.

"I chose alright then?" She nodded and closed her eyes. "Rae?" He asked softly, but with a twinge of urgency. She made a noise to say that she'd heard him "was I really your first…" He paused, "orgasm." She opened her eyes and looked at his ridiculously pleased face.

"Yes. In more ways than one."

"You what?" He asked seriously.

"You know…" She willed him to just get it. "You were my centurion… and you were the first guy I came with… you know… with…" She saw him understand what she meant and saw a proud, satisfied look cross his face. She tried to not feel embarrassed by what she'd told him, especially since it seemed to please him so much. She saw that look coming into his eyes. That look that said he was thinking that he loved her. It was coloured with lust as well, and she liked the way it made him look at her.

"What are you thinking?" She asked, trying to get him to pick up where he left off this morning. Trying to get him to say it. To say 'I love you.'

"I want you so badly right now." He kissed her lips and slowly climbed between her legs. His hands explored her body, slowly creeping towards her underpants.

He intended to creep his fingers forward until he felt the pad and then stop. But he didn't feel it.

"Are you off it already?" He asked excitedly, he kissed her with a ferocity that Rae could barely match. He had his pants off before she could catch her breath and his hands were unbuttoning her top, shaking and eager.

"No. Finn… No I'm wearing a tampon." She said in between his kisses. She saw a slow recognition of that word creep into his mind.

"Fuck." He groaned with real pain. He lowered his face to her neck, smelling her intoxicating scent and groaned again as he kissed her neck. She could feel his hard cock throbbing through his boxers, pressing against her cunt through her knickers. He kissed her, grinding his hips into her, their clothed bodies rubbing against each other achingly close, but so far away. He sighed and sat up onto his knees, still between her thighs.

"I have to stop." He shook his head.

"Come here." She motioned to him.

"You what?"

"Bring that cock to my mouth. Now." He grinned and took his boxers off before carefully crawling up her body, holding onto the bedhead he positioned himself kneeling over her chest and face. He looked down as she licked up the length of his cock and he groaned agonisingly; knowing this could go nowhere.

"That is a nice view." He said as she took his cock into her mouth and gently sucked on the head, her tongue swirling around the tip.

"Fuck my mouth." She whispered raggedly to him and he groaned again.

"You'll be the fucking death of me, girl." He whispered frantically before thrusting into her mouth, one hand on the bed head, the other finding her hair. He moaned in pleasure as he pushed his cock as far down her throat as he could from this angle, and loved the look in her eyes as she watched him moving above her.

"No. I gotta stop… I gotta stop." He said as he kept going. "I gotta stop." He slowed down, thrusting his cock in as deep as he could one more time before withdrawing. "I can't cum if you can't cum." He said resolutely, sounding as if it were causing him physical pain. He crawled backwards, his cock rubbing up against her tits. He pushed them together around his cock and groaned loudly. He thrust, at first gently, but then speeding up a little; fucking her tits.

"Fuck." He said and stopped abruptly and climbed off her suddenly. He sat beside her.

"Finn?"

"Just give me a minute." He said with a strained voice. "Don't touch me just yet…" He said gently as he saw her hand rise. "I'll probably cum if you touch me." He barely breathed the words. She put her hand down and he closed his eyes and started counting times tables.

_Dear Diary_

_The peaceful Sunday we had planned became an exercise in torturing Finn. And me._

_It were brilliant._

_We ended up naked, rubbing ourselves against each other. Him having to stop and sometimes not touch me for a minute because he refused to cum. _

_I sucked his cock so much, and one time he pulled my hair hard to stop me from moving because he was so close to coming. I liked it. _

_After a while he groaned that his balls and his whole body was fucking aching in actual pain from wanting it so badly. _

_I told him I ached for him too. _

_We decided we should stop after that. But even then, we talked about music and we couldn't stop touching each other, and we'd end up making out mid-sentence._

_Oh god I'm so horny. _

_I thought I were horny before I'd had sex or had an orgasm. I thought I knew what it was like to really ache for a shag. But I had no idea. _

_It's actually torture. _

_I've never needed it like I do now. _

_I'm gagging for it. God! _

_Fucking period. Still at least another 3 fucking days!_

_ARGH!_

_He had that look in his eyes again. Diary, I really hope I'm right about what that look means. _

_Sorry diary. Had to stop, Finn related kissing adventure! _

_Dinner with his dad and Janice cooled things down a bit, but even as he ate he had his hand on my thigh. Oh god where he touches me burns with desire. _

_Think about something else Rae!_

_I didn't even ache for him this much when we had our first kiss and I didn't think I'd ever be able to be hornier than then. _

_GAH!_

_Hm. Thinking of first kiss, I was sure it were me that pulled away, not him. Funny how we see things so differently. _

_I am starting to see more and more that people perceive things differently. _

_I wonder if the first time we had sex were as good for him as it were for me?_

_I think it probably was._

_I can't stop grinning._

_Oh… Finn…_

_Sorry. Had to stop again. _

_I keep thinking about the differences between Chloe's diary and mine. _

_The differences between her explanation of what happened in Sutherland and Finn's._

_I believe Finn of course. But what Chloe says has me really thinking. _

_Why would she say that?_

_'Big Love' by Fleetwood Mac_

"I don't know what to sing." He said as he wiped his palms on the back of his jeans as inconspicuously as he could.

"Your favourite song." Mr Roach answered without looking up. Elsa screwed up her face in sympathy, she was sitting off prompt in the wings and watching the auditions with a critical eye.

Auditions were always brutal. But Mr Ken Roach seemed to be going out of his way to be cruel to the acting kids in the course.

Music, dance and performing arts (acting) students from both years 1 & 2 were all to audition for the end of school year play. Since Elsa was the main director of the play, she'd left the auditioning process to Mr Roach, the music teacher. Now everyone had to act and sing at the audition, and if they could play an instrument they had to do that too, and if they danced, an impromptu dance was required.

If Elsa had had any idea of how brutal Mr Roach was going to make the auditions she would have stepped in. Now it was too late, because he had already done auditions for all the students that took only music or dance and did not do the acting strand of the course – that was over half of them – while she has been busy elsewhere. It was unfair to change it now.

Everyone was in there. He'd made them audition in front of everyone.

Students had been auditioned in pairs. The pairs that they had gotten into last week were being used for the performing arts students. For everyone else, Mr Roach paired them up, generally in boy / girl pairs.

Finn looked up into the poor excuse for stage lights the school had, thinking.

"Sing Rae's favourite song." Elsa prompted gently, no one hearing her but Finn. He nodded gratefully and cleared his throat. He started to sing a decent rendition of 'Wonderwall'. Rae felt herself grinning stupidly as she watched him, sympathetic to his plight. She'd have to get up their soon.

Chloe sat with Archie on the other side of room, near the door. Chloe's eyes kept straying to Rae. This was the first time she'd seen Rae since she'd told her about the kiss. She'd come in a little late, when everyone was walking around to get into their pairs; Stacey had refused to get up so Finn had been forced to walk over to her; she had seen Finn approaching Stacey, watched him sit down looking agitated. But Chloe didn't know if Rae and Finn were still together; she hadn't seen them together yet. Rae was sitting with that Phillip guy. He was leaning in towards her, commenting occasionally.

He so obviously fancied her.

Finn and Stacey had been the first of the performing arts kids to go up.

"What did I miss?" Jenny, the dance teacher, rushed up beside Elsa, coming in from the backstage entrance. She'd had to take her daughter home sick and wait there until her husband got home to take care of her.

"Ken being a bit of sadist." Elsa replied. Jenny peaked around the wing curtains to see Finn, shaking and nervously singing.

"Oh god." She tutted. "I never understood why he taught kids when he hates them so much."

"He only hates the ones that don't do music." Elsa shook her head, knowing she'd have to do some confidence building with her kids after this.

"That's true." Jenny sighed. "Has he already grilled my kids?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Shit." She tutted.

Finn finished singing and Mr Roach sighed.

"I don't understand why you left music Finn." He said sternly. "You're wasted in anything else." Finn didn't reply, just grabbed his elbow, crossing one arm across his upper stomach.

"Poor kid." Jenny whispered.

"Now from what I understand there will be a kiss written into this play?" Ken Roach looked down at his notes, "The two lead characters will kiss? Lead roles will go only to performing arts students, so you will have the most rigorous acting auditions." He said with relish, genuinely seeming to enjoy torturing Finn; having taken personal slight to him dropping music. "So let's see a stage kiss you two." He waved his hand at them and looked back down at his papers.

"No." Finn said at the same time as Stacey said;

"Ok." She turned and looked at Finn, "it's just acting Finn. All actors kiss on the big screen."

"No." He repeated.

Rae felt her heart hammering. Izzy, sitting next to her, took her hand gently, understanding the gravity of the situation.

"Oh fuck." Elsa sighed, and stood up, she popped he head around the wings curtains.

"We're not sure if there will be a kiss, Ken."

"But the notes…"

"Yes well, we'll be discussing it with the students who get the parts."

"But don't we need to see if there's any chemistry before we assign parts?" He sounded confused.

"Anyone can have chemistry Ken, it's called acting. I'll teach them that. It's my job."

"I'm still confused as to why we need to discuss this at all?"

"To determine the student's comfort levels." Elsa said pleasantly, but Finn could feel her frustration rising.

"But actors do this kind of thing all the time." He answered dismissively.

"Exactly." Stacey interjected, stepping closer to Finn.

"Yes, _paid_ actors do." Elsa said meaningfully, "And even then they have boundaries."

"I don't mind." Stacey shrugged, taking another step.

"Well I do." Finn answered stepping back, his arm still crossed across his chest.

"Nonsense!" Ken replied, "No young man has a problem with a pretty girl kissing him!"

Stacey took this as her cue to grab Finn's face and kiss his lips. Instantly Finn pushed her away.

"Don't!" He said angrily, wiping his mouth and searching out Rae in the audience, but unable to see her due to the lights. "Fucking hell." He said angrily.

"That's enough!" Elsa snapped. "We respect each other's boundaries in this room. In this school." She said, her anger almost brimming over. "Stacey, please head to my office." She said softly. And Stacey rolled her eyes and left the stage shaking her head. "Finn, I'll see you backstage." She said softly but he lingered on the stage still wiping his mouth, wanting to see Rae.

"House lights please." Elsa used the theatre language, even though this was just a school hall stage. Someone put the lights on.

Finn finally saw Rae. Izzy holding her hand, Phillip leaning in close to her, his upper body touching her arm, he was whispering something in her ear. She smiled tightly, and turned to look at him and shook her head, said a few words and turned back to look at the stage, her eyes on Finn. She looked concerned not angry. That eased his tension. But the wistful look of love on Phillip's face as she turned away, the way he stared at the side of her face longingly for a moment, the way he leaned in closer and glanced at Rae's breasts, looked up at her face, saw that she was looking at Finn, and then looked back down at them blatantly; sexual desire clear on his face. Finn felt vitriol rising in his chest. She hadn't seen the way he was looking at her. But he had. Elsa looked up at him expectantly and cleared her throat. He nodded, and turned, leaving the stage, looking over his shoulder one last time. Phillip was still looking at her breasts. She waited for him to go and then sat on the edge of the stage.

"There may be a stage kiss between the lead male and the lead female in this play." Elsa's eyes scanned the audience and saw Rae and Phillip. "Rae and Phillip are doing most of the writing, and Phillip is very keen for the romance to develop to that stage." Elsa explained to the whole class. "However, we will discuss that with the students who get those roles. And if they are uncomfortable with it, we will not put it in. Ok?" She saw everyone nodding their heads, Ken Roach screwing his face up in confusion.

"Alright take 15 minutes people. Pull it together." She said sternly. "And we'll start up the auditions again afterwards, ok?" She looked over at Archie and Chloe, "we'll start with you two." She pointed at them and Archie nodded. Chloe smiled grimly. "Go get a drink of water." She told them all, but she caught Rae's eye and motioned for her to come over as everyone else dispersed. Elsa got up and went backstage.

"Why is Ken allowed around students when he appears to be senile?" Jenny said to Elsa and then saw Rae, "oh shit. You didn't hear that ok?"

"Hear what?" Rae said softly, eliciting a smile from Jenny.

"Can you go make sure the students aren't saying anything too terrible about Stacey or Finn?" Elsa said and Jenny nodded her head. "Thanks!" Elsa motioned for Rae to follow her backstage. Finn was sitting on a pile of scenery flats, smoking and looking pissed off and worried.

"Smoking? Really? At school…" Elsa asked. "Put it out." Finn obliged after another draw on it. He looked up and saw Rae.

"I'm sorry." He instantly said, "I didn't mean for it-"

"Why the hell are you sorry?" Elsa asked. "I'm sorry. I should have stomped on that situation harder and sooner. And I am sorry that this happened to you." Elsa motioned for Rae to move in closer to Finn. "Are you ok Finn?" She asked him seriously.

"What?" He looked confused, "Yeah I'm worried about Rae." He turned his eyes to her.

"I think you need to worry about yourself more, sometimes. You were just kissed against your will." He looked up at her and shrugged uncomfortably. "Imagine if that had happened to Rae." She said meaningfully and Finn looked down at his hands. Furrowing his brow. "That was a serious incident that is not lessened because you're a boy and she's a girl. Are you alright?"

Finn shrugged uncomfortably.

"That kind of stuff happens all the time tough." He mumbled. "To everyone." He furrowed his brows, "I've done it."

"You explicitly told her that you did not want it to happen. That's different to taking the initiative to kiss first. I am sure that you have not done to someone else what was just done to you." Elsa prodded gently. "You are allowed to feel violated."

"How do you feel?" Rae asked and sat down next him.

"Pissed off." He turned, "worried about you." He shrugged. Elsa looked at her watch.

"10 minutes, you two." She said, "Do not be late." She started to walk away, "and if either of you need to talk about this, you know where my office is." She headed toward her office, thinking about what best to say to Stacey. "And get off my flats!" She closed the backstage door behind her. They got off the flats and sat on the bench nearby; one of those low slung cold metal things.

Rae turned to Finn, his face was screwed up in thought.

"Are you alright?' She asked.

"Are you?" His hand went up to her face, "I'm so sorry."

"What for?" Rae shook her head, "I saw what happened."

"But I said that I was planning on that not happening again."

"It's not your fault that Stacey is a nutbag, ok?" She shook her head. "Look, what Elsa said… she's right."

"No." Finn shook his head and looked down at his fingers, "It's different cos I'm a boy."

"Why?"

"It just is." He shrugged uncomfortably. "I should have been firmer, you know? Had control of the situation."

"From what I saw you were pretty clear Finn."

"Do you forgive me?"

"There is literally nothing to forgive. Why would you think there is?"

"I dunno." He shook his head, "cos her lips touched mine." He looked up to her, "it happened again."

"Still not your fault." Rae said with a worried look.

"So you're alright?"

"Yes. I'm fine. You haven't said if you're alright?"

"Of course I am." He smiled, "can I kiss you?"

"Did you wipe all the Stacey off?" She asked with a grin and kissed him before he had chance to answer.

When the class reconvened, Archie and Chloe were talking softly on the stage, trying to prepare for their audition. Finn sat next to Rae, Phillip on the other side, trying to act as if Finn were not there, he leaned in and started to speak to Rae again.

"Hi Will. Got a girlfriend?" Finn stopped Phillip from saying a word to Rae. He didn't even look at Phillip.

"Um no." He answered softly, taken aback.

"You should go get one." Finn replied, "I hear Stacey's single."

"No… no I don't want to-"

"Got a crush on anyone?" Finn turned his eyes to Phillip, a meaningful and dangerous look on his face. Rae sighed and stared at the ceiling.

"Um." Phillip stuttered, "um…" He swallowed hard, "I s'pose." But a look of anger was starting to enter his eyes.

"Oh yeah?" Finn smiled with a hint of menace, "anyone I know?"

"Alright." Rae said softly to him, but Finn ignored her and watched Phillip fidget.

"Maybe." He said eventually, more defiant than usual.

"Oh I bet I know her quite well." He leaned forward, his face coming to within inches of Phillip's, Rae leaning back to get out of his way. There was no point arguing with him. Jealous Finn could not be reasoned with. "Better than you can ever hope to know her." Phillip leaned away from Finn and Rae. "I see you understand me clearly." His voice was edged with clear violence and Phillip nodded his head. "Good boy." Finn smiled aggressively. He sat back up and rested his hand high on Rae's thigh, possessive, making it clear that she was his. Rae inwardly shook her head, but outwardly made no move, she gave an apologetic smile to Phillip who shook his head in response and then turned to Finn, who was resolutely looking ahead, at the stage. He wasn't going to discuss this it seemed.

"Alright, settle down." Mr Roach said, Elsa was sitting next to him now, and his face was slightly red. Jenny was in the wings watching.

Archie and Chloe did their 15 minute audition without a hitch. Rae got lost in the performance, her mind quickly letting go of Finn's jealousy.

"Archie sings beautifully." Rae said with a smile.

"Aye." Finn nodded, "I hope that means he'll get the lead." He pulled a face and Rae grinned.

"You didn't finish your audition, you didn't do any script work."

"I'll survive." He shook his head.

"You hate this class don't you?" She whispered as Mr Roach turned to look in their direction. He nodded his head slowly, a sly grin on his face.

"But I were hoping to hang out with you. That would have made it bearable. But…"

"You got Stacey instead." He nodded in reply.

"Why are you taking it?" He wondered, he knew she hated performing.

"Oh I love theatre." She answered honestly, "Hate performing. Love theatre." She shrugged.

"Born to be a playwright." He grinned and saw Philip glaring at him. Finn ignored him.

"I dunno. I've been getting excited about directing." She grinned with a hint of trepidation.

When Chloe and Archie had finished, Archie came and sat over with them, Phillip shifting uncomfortably again. Chloe hesitated, Rae was refusing to look at her, but she saw Finn's hand on her leg and felt a deep sense of relief. Archie motioned for her to come over.

He'd heard all about what happened from Rae this morning, Finn standing beside her scuffing the ground, his eyes downcast. He had already heard Chloe's side, of course, and he was refusing to take sides.

He had agreed wholeheartedly with Rae that what Chloe had done was wrong, but he reminded them both that Chloe was a rape victim, he had said to them that going through stuff like that does stuff to a person. He'd asked them both to try and understand that she was an emotional mess. He'd told them he wouldn't take sides. Chloe was his friend as much as they were. Finn had shrugged.

"Wherever Rae goes I go." He said in response to what Archie had said and Archie understood that. It was up to Rae now. And Rae was still angry, still hurt and confused, still wondering why Chloe would do that.

Chloe sat meekly next to Archie, angled away from Finn and Rae, her eyes on the ground. Rae looked over at her dejected and withdrawn form and her eyebrows furrowed. Finn didn't look at Chloe at all. He already knew that Rae would forgive Chloe, it was just a matter of how long it took. And he too would then forgive her. But he had already decided that he would avoid being alone with her. That he would avoid any situation that might give her hope, or cause to wonder if maybe there was a chance. For Finn, their friendship was forever changed. He would forever be on his guard around her now.

Rae and Phillip were up next. Rae sang first, feeling more confident with her voice than her acting.

"My word, you have a lovely voice!" Mr Roach said, "Quite enchanting. You should do music." Rae blushed and smiled. Phillip was passable, but not as good as Finn or Archie.

"Script work." Elsa prompted them. They could do a duologue or a monologue each; they had found this out last week. Rae had decided monologues and she went first to get it over and done with. She had picked something from 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead' and as she started, Phillip smiled triumphantly. Finn didn't notice, he was so enamoured with Rae's singing voice that he was grinning like an idiot, staring at her like a lovesick schoolboy. As she started her monologue, shaking, nervous and uncomfortable, he listened carefully, trying to understand the thread, the meaning of the piece. As she came to the end of the piece, she was much more confident, she didn't look down at the script at all and she moved naturally on the stage.

"Ask yourself: if I asked you straight off - I'm going to stuff you in this box now – would you rather to be alive or dead? Naturally you'd prefer to be alive. Life in a box is better than no life at all. I expect. You'd have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking, well, at least I'm not dead. In a minute, somebody's going to bang on the lid and tell me to come out." She finished her monologue with an enigmatic smile and Finn clapped loudly when the class gave her the expected applause.

Phillip's turn was next. He had chosen Shakespeare, of course. A sonnet.

"Being your slave, what should I do but tend upon the hours and times of your desire? I have no precious time at all to spend, nor services to do, till you require." Phillip spoke out to the audience with a loud, confident voice. Finn's eyes watched Rae as she hung about the back of the stage, not even really hearing Phillip. He heard Archie make a slight noise and turned to see Archie looking at him.

"Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you. Nor think the bitterness of absence sour when you have bid your servant once adieu." Phillip continued.

"What?" Finn asked.

"It's a love sonnet." Archie said softly. Finn turned his face back to the stage. Rae's eyes were on Phillip now; she clearly knew that it was a love sonnet, he could see that she was halfway between enjoying his performance and wondering if it was about her.

"Nor dare I question with my jealous thought where you may be, or your affairs suppose. But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought save, where you are how happy you make those." Finn found himself listening closely to the words. "So true a fool is love that in your will, though you do anything, he thinks no ill." Phillip finished and the class clapped. Finn didn't. He watched as Phillip reached for Rae, to take her hand, wanting to do a theatrical bow. He watched her laugh and accept. Once they had bowed he turned to her and kissed her hand gently. She smiled tightly, blushing and removed her hand gently. Finn narrowed his eyes and watched the way Phillip watched Rae leave the stage. There in front of everyone, he made it obvious he was looking at her. No one could have missed it.

"Oh shit." Archie said softly and looked back over at Finn.

"Jesus." Izzy agreed with Archie.

"I thought you were going to do an Othello monologue?" Elsa asked as Phillip walked back through the audience.

"Changed my mind at the last minute." He smiled shyly.

"Your mastery of Shakespeare is as impressive as ever Phil!" She smiled and called up the next pairing.

"Oh fuck, he did it just to piss Finn off." Archie breathed under his breath to Izzy, who nodded her head with big round eyes. "That took some balls." Archie mused.

Rae sat down next to Finn, Phillip sat beside her. Finn shot Phillip a glare before putting his hand on her thigh, higher than before and she kissed him on the cheek.

"Still shaking." She said nervously.

"Glad it's over?" He asked softly.

"Yeah. And I won't have to get back up there – Elsa said I can do direction instead. Wish I hadn't had to audition" She pulled a face. "But you know… auditioning is worth marks, so… gotta do it."

"You were really good." Finn said honestly.

"Yeah." Izzy agreed and Archie nodded. "I reckon it'll be you and Archie in the leads!" She grinned and Rae shook her head, but didn't' reply because Elsa was looking over at them with her eyebrows raised.

After the auditions finished, Elsa asked Archie to run a game of 'spacejump' in the remaining 10 minutes before lunch, while she and Mr Roach went over their notes.

Archie got Izzy to get up.

"Act out brushing your teeth." He ordered and Izzy did with a grin.

"Spacejump!" He called and Izzy froze. Rae jumped up and turned the scene into a boxing match. The class laughed at the fake sledging Rae gaze Izzy and Izzy's responses.

Rae getting up left Phillip and Finn with no one in between them. Phillip eyed Finn carefully, but Finn was watching Rae with a huge grin.

"Spacejump!" Izzy and Rae froze, Izzy looking as if she's just taken a punch from Rae, and Josh got up. He looked at the scene momentarily, trying to think what that position could be turned into. He stood next to Rae and took up a similar pose to her.

"With our mighty powers psychic-girl, we can defeat the flaming nemesis!" He cried, and the scene was now a superhero movie, with Izzy as the villain. It was hard not to laugh at the ridiculousness of this game as it moved through progressively more absurd scenarios.

"You know you won't keep hold of a woman like Rae with ever increasing displays of testosterone induced, caveman like, behaviour." Phillip suddenly said. Finn slowly turned his eyes to him.

"He speaks." Finn said with a bemused, sadistic smile, "you really wanna do this Phillip?" That derisive pop of the last P.

"Do you really think someone as intellectually inferior as you can keep the interest of one of the smartest girls in this school? You can't keep her stimulated." Phillip kept his eyes on the game, "And you can beat the crap out of me as much as you want for saying it. In fact, I'm sure you will; that's all your type are good at. But it won't change the facts." Phillip shrugged, "I'm smart enough for her though." He smiled, looking sideways at him. "She is beautiful isn't she?" He sighed longingly. "Enjoy her while you can Quinn." He turned to look at Finn. "Because it's only a matter of time until she realises that all you've got is a pretty face, a clenched fist, and an empty head."

Finn scoffed contemptuously.

"You come near her and you'll learn all about my clenched fist." He threatened.

"Why don't you just take your dick out and piss everywhere, I hear it's a more effective way of marking your territory, you fucking Neanderthal." Phillip looked disgusted. "Rae's not a thing you own." He shook his head, "She's a person who'll make her own mind up." And then Phillip smiled knowingly, "plus you can't stop me from coming near her; we have to work together. Writing a play. Another shared interest we have." He leaned in closer to Finn, "turns out I know her pretty good." He suddenly jumped up, Archie having called spacejump again and entered the game, denying Finn the chance to reply. Finn sucked his teeth angrily, thoughtfully. So shy, scared Phillip actually had a set on him. Finn watched Rae trying not to laugh, trying to take on the right character as Phillip changed the scene to a pirate ship, and she was the captain. Naturally.

Finn tried not to dwell on the things that Phillip had said that were true. Tried not to notice that as the lesson ended, Phillip reached out and took her hand, laughing and she took it in a friendly gesture, commenting on how good his pirate idea had been. He narrowed his eyes as they made a plan to share their free period together tomorrow morning, to do a writing session. Naturally.

Finn's eyes followed Phillip as he turned to walk away, smiling politely at him, Rae's eyes watching them both warily.

"See you round Lynn." Phillip said softly, so only Finn could hear, as he passed by.

"You can count on it." Finn responded threateningly but equally as quiet. But Phillip smiled broadly.

"See you Rae." He called back to her happily.

"Bye Phil!" She said, still talking with Izzy and Archie. Finn stayed seated, his eyes thoughtful and violent.

Everyone had forgotten Chloe, sitting silently nearby, trying to be invisible. She had seen the whole thing.

"He's wrong." She said quietly. Finn turned his eyes to her but said nothing. "You're more than he thinks you are Finn. Much more. Don't believe him; he's just jealous." She lowered her eyes, "and your love for Rae counts for a lot. A lot more than an interest in playwriting." She shrugged. "Also. I'm really sorry. And I'm glad you and Rae are still together." Finn barely nodded his head, just once, in response to what she said, not really wanting to acknowledge her, since Rae wasn't. She smiled bitterly, as if she had known that would be his response and quietly got up, leaving the hall. Finn turned his eyes back to Rae, the way she held Archie's hand now was the way she had held Phillip's before. He understood that Phil's attentions were a one-way affection. At the moment.

Stacey walked over to him and he sighed loudly.

"What?" He said angrily.

"Elsa said I had to apologise."

"Right. Well… fuck off." Finn said with no interest.

"She also said it were up to you if we could still work together. If we don't work together, we forfeit the marks for this component. She said you won't mind cos you're gonna have to repeat anyway. But I really don't want to lose the marks. Please?" She asked, apparently earnest. "You know what my parents are like with my grades." She whispered urgently. "Please Finn."

"Oh fuck. Alright." He rolled his eyes.

"Thank you." She said breathily.

"But keep your fucking mouth to yourself."

"I'll behave." She grinned saucily. And he sneered in disgust at her.

"Alright, well we're done." He dismissed her and her face fell.

"Alright, see you later." She walked away as Rae, Izzy and Archie approached.

"She's got it bad!" Izzy joked as they watched Stacey leaving.

"Yeah her and half of the bloody school." Rae shook her head as Finn shrugged; he didn't care what the other girls did or didn't have.

"Where's Chloe?" Archie asked as he looked around. Finn looked uncomfortably at the floor while Rae narrowed her eyes at the door, thinking. Izzy looked at them all, one by one.

"What's happened?" Izzy face filled with concern.

"Chloe has made herself into a mini version of Bruce Banner." Archie replied.

"The incredible hulk…?" Finn asked unimpressed.

"No. Bruce Banner." Archie corrected as they headed to the door. "See, it's not really Bruce's fault that he's the hulk, right? But he still isolates himself from everyone… still punishes himself cos he thinks he deserves it." Archie shrugged.

"That's a really flawed metaphor Archie." Finn shook his head.

"Is it? I thought it were an analogy?" He asked and Finn shrugged, "Anyway, the point is; that the hulk does a lot o' damage that Bruce feels bad about." He said meaningfully. Rae looked down and sighed to herself. And Finn shook his head, looking off.

"Alright, you're definitely going to have to tell me what happened?" Izzy said.

"Chloe kissed Finn in Sutherland." Rae answered. Izzy stopped walking, frozen in a picture of shock.

"No!" She looked from Rae's truthful face to Finn's downturned eyes. "I can't believe she did that." She breathed. And then after a moment she hit Finn's arm, "What were you thinking?"

"Oi! I didn't anything." He said and caught her hand as she started to hit him a second time.

"Why did you let her get into a position where she could kiss you?" Izzy hit him with her free hand, "you know how vulnerable she is right now!"

"I didn't think that her kissing me were a thing I had to worry about, alright?" Finn caught her other hand, "She's Rae's best mate. I kinda thought that made me invisible to her." Izzy pulled her hands free and gave him a dirty look.

"You'll never be invisible to anyone Finn." She turned to look at Rae. "You alright?" She took Rae into her arms and gave Finn a dirty look over her shoulder.

"I'm fine Izzy. She hugged Izzy and Izzy smiled. "Finn and me made up." She added. Izzy turned back to Finn.

"S'pose I can forgive you." She said reluctantly. "But you have to be more careful with girls!" She ordered.

"I know." He replied gravely. "I have learned my lesson Izzy." Izzy turned back to Rae.

"And what about Chloe?" Izzy asked and Rae looked away uncomfortably.

"I dunno." She shrugged.

"Bruce Banner." Archie said, "Isolating herself." Archie opened the door for them. "She did it to hurt herself Rae." He looked at her, knowing she'd catch his meaning and she nodded slowly. She did know what that was like.

Rae reached out her hand for Finn and he smiled happily. It was rare for Rae to reach for him in public. He put his fingers between hers, feeling slightly frail and brittle. Today was already wearing on him and it was only lunch time.

He now had the real consideration that Phillip was the stalker. Before, Phillip had just been an annoyance, a git that overstood his mark. But after today, he was obviously a real threat.

Liam.

Phillip.

His girl.

Flowers.

Chocolates.

Gold bracelet.

Dead mouse.

_'Goddamn Devil' by Ugly Kid Joe_

Chloe stopped when she saw him. She'd been hoping to find a private place. Somewhere to be alone with her thoughts. A place where no one would see her if those thoughts made her cry.

"Chloe." He greeted her and took a long suck on his cigarette.

"Hi." She said softly.

"What are you doing hiding around here?"

"I'm not hiding."

"Yeah, I thought you'd be hanging out with your dream team." He said cynically.

"No." She shook her head sadly, forcing the tears back from her eyes.

"Oh yeah?" What happened?"

"Rae hates me." She looked down, a tear dropped to the ground and she desperately tried to stop crying.

"Me and you both pet." Liam sympathised gruffly. "Why does she hate you?" Chloe leaned against the wall and took the cigarette he offered.

"I kissed Finn." She said in a monotone. Liam scoffed.

"Huh. Who'd have thought that dickless wonder had the balls to cheat?" He shook his head. "How'd Rae take that?" He asked eagerly.

"He didn't cheat." She replied testily. "It was all me." Liam chuckled, drawing heavily on his cigarette.

"It don't matter do it?" He shook his head, "It's only a matter of time until they split."

"Oh yeah?" Chloe asked astutely, "And then you can sweep in and get her?" She shook her head at him.

"I don't think Rae'd go out with me again." He said with an impossible to read grin.

"Really? Why's that? She's already done it once. Like Finn… maybe she'll go around for a second time with you too." She shrugged.

"Cos like you, little girl, I did some pretty fucked up shit to her."

"So we're both utter cunts." Chloe stated. Liam laughed, surprised.

"You got a foul mouth." He grinned, "I like that on a girl."

"Yeah well, I've sworn off boys." She folded her arms across her chest.

"Well when you're done with that bullshite, you can come get some from me." Chloe puffed lightly on the cigarette, still not accustomed to the taste on her lips, the feel in her lungs.

"So what d'you do to Rae?" Chloe asked curiously. She so wanted his transgressions to be worse than hers, so she could stop hating herself so much, for just a moment.

"When we fucked, I wouldn't let her take her clothes off. Told her she weren't exactly an oil painting." He lit another cigarette with the butt of his last one before flicking it away. "Neither am I." He shrugged.

"That's a horrible thing to say." Chloe said emotionlessly. Her transgression was still worse. But now she hated herself more for wishing that Liam had hurt Rae more than she had. For wishing Rae more pain.

"Bullshit." He said, "I'm like fucking Judas – getting a raw real." He looked at her questioning face, "without me, that dickless motherfucker would o' never been able to delicately strip his precious flower. If she hadn't fucked me with her clothes on, she wouldn't o' fucked no one. She'd have never done it the first time naked. I saved her from never ending virginity." Liam said.

"Judas?" Chloe said sceptically.

"Yeah. Without Judas selling Jesus out, Christ would have never died for our sins. We should worship Judas." He laughed, "Without me going first. Fuckface Finn never would o' never got a taste o' that sweet arse." He sucked on his cigarette long and hard and blew the smoke out, "and now he does all sorts o' things to her. And what thanks do I get?" He shrugged.

"That's fucked up." Chloe shook her head.

"It gets better." He grinned. "I grabbed hold of her and told her how fucking mental she is and how Finn only knows her with is dick, that I know her for real. Told her he lied to her when he said she were beautiful. Told her she couldn't fit in his world cos she's crazy like me. She belongs with me."

"You sound obsessed with her."

"I'm not obsessed with her." He snapped, "don't mistake being pissed off with obsession." He wiped his face roughly, "she dumped me to go fuck that faggot." He spat, "how d'you reckon that makes me feel?"

"Like shit." Chloe replied sympathetically. She noticed a small blood patch on his sleeve. "You're bleeding again."

"Fucking stiches!" He looked down his left sleeve.

"What d'you do?" Liam turned to her with a strange grin. Instead of replying he rolled up his long-sleeved shirt and showed her a long jagged cut running diagonally from the left inside of his elbow down the right side of his wrist.

"42 stitches." He said with a wry grin.

"Did you…?" She paused and looked up at his face, 'did you try to kill yourself?"

"Bit dramatic of me weren't it?" He said with a dry laugh. "Since you're not in with the justice league anymore, fancy hanging out with me?" He said with a grin, "I got a room o' me own at the hospital on weekends." He rolled down his sleeve.

"They commit you?"

"Only on weekends." He said drolly, "apparently I'm fine on weekdays. Sane enough for school." He laughed.

"I'll come visit." She smiled weakly.

"Great." He flicked his cigarette and walked away without another word. Chloe sat down, her back against the building and stubbed her cigarette out, throwing the butt away. She sat alone, barely able to think; her emotions overcrowded her. She wished for just one moment of peace. She understood that jagged line on his forearm. She understood that need for everything to stop.

But she'd promised a stranger beside a river that he'd see her again next week for a morning stroll. So she took a deep breath and tried to feel still inside.

_'Human Behaviour' by Bjork_

Kester opened his door to see Finn sitting next to Rae. He felt a small smile touch his lips.

"I'll be right out here." Finn said softly to Rae before kissing her gently. He nodded at Kester and reached into his backpack, indicating he had something to do. Kester nodded back and closed the door after Rae. He noted the bruise on her face and then looked back at the door with a questioning face and Rae sighed.

"It's a stalker." She said, sounding exhausted.

"What happened?" His voice betrayed his concern far too much, but he didn't care. He sat down opposite her.

"I tripped." She explained the bruise and Kester nodded thoughtfully, "And he sent me a gift." Rae said slowly, "a mother mouse with her head cut off, and all her little pink babies all wiggling around… it was in the bottom of a chocolate box." She kept her eyes on the floor, "So now Finn won't let me out of his sight." She looked up at Kester, willing him to say it was nothing to worry about. Kester sat back in his seat with a deeply concerned look on his face.

"So he escalated from typically romantic gifts, to a dead, mutilated animal." He took a moment to gather his thoughts. "Generally something happens to trigger this kind of escalation. Typically a rejection of some sort; the victim behaves in a way that the perpetrator sees as a betrayal."

"I can't think of anything. Just been doing the same old stuff."

"A lot of stalkers are previous lovers or partners."

"That's Liam. I've had two boys. Liam and Finn." She shrugged and Kester licked his lips in thought. "And I can't believe it's Liam." Rae shook her head.

"Ok." He considered. "A lot of stalkers suffer from mental illness, personality disorders…" He wafted through his memories, "Substance abuse is relatively common." He shook his head, "anyone you know who uses drugs regularly?" Rae shook her head, "Stalkers are a hard bunch to pin down. Most cases are very individual; only a few behaviours exist amongst a statically significant number of them, and even then, it's never all of them. And there's only a very small amount of behaviours with enough incidences to call a pattern" He shook his head dismayed.

"So he could be anyone…? Even Phil…?" Rae answered despondently.

"I'm afraid so." Kester felt worried, "there's a lack of good research into what makes a stalker. And each stalking case tends to progress in very individual ways. We can't even predict what he'll do next. I'm sorry Rae."

"How long will he… stalk me?" She could barely say the word. Kester shook his head.

"It's hard to say." Kester said, "But given the escalation I think he's set for the long run."

"So he won't stop till he's caught." Rae took a breath and felt physically ill thinking about it.

"Quite possibly." He refrained from mentioning that some women have had to move and change their names.

"Well are there any other of them patterns you said, that we can think about? Maybe I'll recognise someone in them?" Rae looked at him hopefully and he sucked his bottom lip for a moment, thinking.

"Some stalkers are socially maladjusted." He answered slowly, "Some are emotionally immature." He lit a cigarette. "They often feel powerless. Some are unable to succeed in their relationships or romantic or sexual intentions." His eyes crawled over the books in his shelf, hoping that there was an appropriate one there, "They can be very insecure about themselves, and they can be very jealous."

"That sounds like Finn." She said shaking her head, "He's been a bit of a pain in the arse this week with his jealousy." She explained and Kester furrowed his brows, a ghost of an idea forming.

"And since this started you've had to spend a lot more time with him? Because he wishes to protect you?"

"It's not Finn." Rae understood where he was going immediately. Kester paused in thought; he had to consider every possibility.

"How do you know that?"

"Because he's as scared as I am." She said with a small shrug, "maybe even more." Kester drew on his cigarette.

"How is this affecting you?"

"I keep wondering who it is." She looked down at her feet, "today I walked around at school and I kept feeling eyes on me. Every person became a threat." She swallowed back her frightened tears, "me mum thinks that he'll rape me or kill me."

"Well studies indicate that anywhere from 10 to 35% of stalking cases result in violence against the victim. Much more if the victim was romantically involved with the perpetrator."

"Do you think it's Liam then?" She asked seriously, not wanting to believe it. Kester took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he considered.

"I don't know." He said honestly. "Do you want me to have a bit of a chat with him?"

"No." Rae answered. "If it's not him… he don't deserve the suspicion, you know?" She shook her head, thinking back to his hand over her mouth. "There is something that happened with Liam but."

Rae recounted her encounter with Liam, telling Kester all the things he'd said to her, the way he'd touched her, while Kester looked more and more concerned.

"That is a very serious incident Rae." He said softly.

"I just thought he were off his meds or something."

"I can't comment about that. But I will have a talk to him." Kester's face looked pained.

"What if it is him?"

"I assume we'll all be talking to the police then." Kester scratched his ear and drew heavily on his cigarette.

"I don't want to talk about this no more." She said sounding small and fragile and shaking her head miserably.

"Alright." Kester agreed slowly. "How are you and Finn going?" Rae made a strange noise, indicating that it was a hard topic. Kester waited patiently, smoking quietly.

"Chloe kissed him." Rae said eventually. "And I'm really angry at her for doing it." Kester opened his mouth to ask a question but Rae continued, "But…" Rae looked confused, "but I'm more angry at her for telling me."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I dunno." Rae said with genuine unease. "Because Finn did nothing wrong, so it's nothing for us, you know? She not telling me that he's a cheater and saving me from that… he's solid." Her face screwed up in concentration, "and it's complicated with her." Rae said. "Archie said she did it to hurt herself. She going through a lot of stuff." Rae tried to work through it. "It's like, she s'posed to be me best mate, and she does this… but I think she did it to hurt herself… And… maybe also to try and make herself feel better. I don't think it was about me, or she did it to hurt me." Rae picked at the hem on her skirt, "but I feel like I can't trust her now… but… Kester… She needs me." Rae shook her head, "She's in so much trouble. And so much pain. And I don't to leave her alone with that. I know what that's like." Rae took a deep breath, "So I just wish she hadn't told me." She bit her bottom lip, "Cos I want'a be there for her… but… she cheated our friendship." She looked thoughtful, "to hurt herself." Rae's voice got softer as she thought more about it. "Because the thing that would hurt her most… would be to lose me. Her best mate." Rae looked up at him, "the way she told me, was so that she would lay the most amount of blame on herself as possible. She wanted me to hate her." Rae said with understanding.

"So what will you do about that?" Kester stubbed out his cigarette and leaned forward.

"I'm gonna have to talk to her." Rae said, "I can't let her hurt herself like that." Rae said. "But I gotta keep Finn away from her too!" Rae said with a small grin. "She'll probably keep trying to hurt herself, you know? For a while."

"Are you worried Finn will give in to temptation?" Rae pulled a contemplative face.

"Part of me says 'no – not a chance. It's not even a temptation for him.' But another part of me says 'why wouldn't he? Chloe's so pretty… of course he'll shag her.' So…" She pulled another face. "So I dunno." Kester waited while she looked at the floor, "I think he might actually love me."

"What makes you feel that?" Kester said with a small smile.

"Everything he does and says." She said, her eyes gazing inwardly as she thought about him, "the way he makes me feel…" She thought of that look in his eyes, "The way he looks at me."

"And all these things that he says and does… how do you take them?" Rae looked at Kester, not fully understanding the question.

"What d'you mean?"

"Do you feel like you deserve the things he does for you? Or the things he says?" Kester let his thumbs fidget with each other gently she watched her think.

"Sometimes." She said slowly, thoughtfully.

"But sometimes not?"

"Sometimes not." She reflected on this.

"And what do you do when he does or says something for and you feel like you don't deserve it?" He narrowed his eyes slightly, his mind still on Liam and the possibility that he might be stalking Rae. Kester was fully aware that Liam had the kind of personality that could turn obsessive.

"I dunno." She said softly. "I kinda… deflect it." She pulled a face.

"So you don't accept this love you think he's trying to give you?"

"Sometimes." Rae admitted quietly.

"But sometimes you do."

"It must be so hard for him." She said quietly. "Whatever I give him, I feel like he's grateful for it. But half of whatever he gives me I throw back at him." She furrowed her brow and looked at the door where she knew Finn waited on the other side, probably bored, but infinitely patient.

"I think that's how I know he loves me the most; he's patient with me." She said softly, "more patient than I am with myself." She stood up and looked out the window, "he just accepts me exactly as I am." She marvelled, "he watches me turn the fucking light switches on and off, and he says nought about it. Unless he sees I'm anxious about what he's thinking." She smiled fondly. "Then he just tells me it's alright." She touched the glass and stared at a couple walking in the hospital grounds, "he tells me he loves my body. And not just you know… generally." Rae shook her head, "he tells me every single thing about my body he loves. Even me stretch marks." She blushed slightly. "He listens to me bang on forever about everything and he likes it." She turned to Kester, "he's doing therapy for me." Rae sighed, "everything he does Kester. Everything he does is for me. But… but he hasn't told me that he loves me."

"His actions seem to speak very loudly."

"But he hasn't said those words."

"And you want to hear them?"

"Course I do." Rae fidgeted with her fingernails.

"And you can't say it first?"

"I always thought I would." She shrugged, "I suppose I will end up saying it first." She grinned. "But what if it's too much for him" She fretted, "what if he thinks I'm one of those needy girls who says 'I love you' too soon?" Kester lit another cigarette and listened to her listing off her concerns. "What if he doesn't love me and I'm totally wrong? What if he thinks he's too young for this love stuff?" She sat down on the chair with a plonk, "what if me saying 'I love you' makes him realise that a mad fat girl is what I am and he runs away horrified at what he's been shagging? What if me saying it makes him realise that he doesn't love me. What if he sees how much hard work I am when I tell him how much I love him? What if-"

"What if he simply says that he loves you too when you say it?" Kester asked.

"I hadn't thought of that." Rae said, struck by the idea. "But what if he doesn't?"

"Well there's only one way to find out." Kester determined and Rae looked at him, her fear showing, but she knew he was right. She nodded her head.

"How are you sleeping?" Kester changed the subject.

"Not very good."

"Not surprising." He said with a smile. "We've discussed, briefly, while you were an inpatient, how important sleep is." Rae nodded. "So in light of all the stressors in your life, I'd like to teach you a self-guided meditation for sleep." Rae nodded indicating her openness to learning it.

25 minutes later, Rae left Kester's office feeling very peaceful and de-stressed. Finn didn't hear her open the door so she caught a glimpse of him reading, looking confused and determined. She looked at the book and saw that he was reading her copy of 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead.' She sat down beside him.

"What you reading that for?"

"It's your favourite play." He smiled shyly. "I don't get it." He added, embarrassed.

"It's not an easy play to understand." She smiled encouragingly, "It's about existentialism. It's kinda absurdist." He watched her mouth move, not understanding what she meant. "You didn't get my explanation did you?" She smiled. He frowned, thinking of what Phillip had said.

"Am I dumb Rae?" He asked fiercely, his eyebrows drawn together in concern.

"No!" She said vehemently. "Just cos you don't know something it don't make you dumb!"

"You must get right bored talking to me." He looked back down at the play.

"No, Finn-"

"Why is Hamlet in this? I thought he was Shakespeare? I'm so confused…"

"Hamlet is Shakespeare!" She smiled, "this is based on two minor characters in Hamlet!" She explained.

"Really. I knew that I knew that." He looked back down at the book. "Fucking Hamlet."

"I like Hamlet."

"Oh fuck." He groaned.

"You don't have to like Shakespeare cos I do." But Finn could only think of Phillip's masterful mastery of Shakespeare.

"How can you like Shakespeare and Oasis?" He groaned.

"How can you like football and oasis?" She retorted.

"I think they go together a bit better." He grinned at her. They stood up and started to head out.

"Ok maybe." She conceded. She looked down at the cards Kester had given her confirming their appointments for the week. "So we're back here on Thursday for you, and Saturday for-"

"No, I'm cancelling mine."

"Why?" She felt really shaken by his words.

"Just till the stalker thing is sorted out. I'm not gonna leave you by yourself while-"

"I will be fine." She said firmly, "I need you to keep going ok?" Finn shrugged, non-committal. They would have to talk about this later. When he wasn't so tense about an absurd, existential play.

They stopped off at Rae's house to pick up some things for Rae and see her family. But the house was empty, save for several large bunches of flowers. And the corresponding cards that had been left on the table. All with the heart and her name on them. Most of the flowers had been dumped in the bin, but there was a bunch on the table. Finn looked at them with hostile eyes.

"Let's get what you need and go."

"I can't stay at your house forever." She replied.

"Well then I'll have to stay here." He shook his head, "it's not happening any other way."

Rae didn't reply but jotted down a note to her mother, promising to call tonight. She'd discuss Finn's demand with her then. She didn't expect that conversation to go well.

They both went upstairs. Rae missed her room, even though she enjoyed the smell and feel of Finn's room. She packed up a few more things, mostly it was pads she was after, but she covered it by packing some other toiletries and a few items of clothing.

The doorbell rang. Rae's window didn't overlook the front door anymore so they couldn't see who it was. They looked at each other.

"Got everything?" She nodded. They went downstairs together. There was no one at the door, as they had expected.

"He's here." She said in a tiny voice, "isn't he?" Finn scanned up the road both ways as he opened the door for Rae and she got into the car.

"I don't know." He said calmly, "Could'a been pranking kids." He said locking and closing her door. He kept a wary eye out as he walked around the car and got into the driver's seat, locking the door.

Finn pulled out of the driveway quickly, his heart thumping, his temper barely contained.

_'Loser' by Beck_

He had unwillingly left her to go to her biology class and headed into general, or basic English. Some even called it remedial English. Whatever you called it, he hated it. He was worried about leaving her by herself after what had happened at her house yesterday. It might have been nothing. But it might not have been. Finn sat in his usual seat and tried to put it out of his mind. He had enough trouble focussing in English without this stuff to think about. Instead, he mulled over essay questions while everyone else was laughing and joking, waiting for a substitute teacher to show up. He had considered stopping English all together since he knew he had failed the makeup test and would have to repeat it anyway. But he worried that he wouldn't pass his second year the second time around; he'd only barely scraped by in his first year. So he'd decide to stick with it and try to get some practice in. Mrs Rikkon had called in unexpectedly sick today, and the other teachers had been covering her classes. He'd seen Mr Roach covering Izzy's basic English class earlier on today.

_God I hope I don't get Roach._

Macca sat down next to Finn and the majority male class were all chuckling and guffawing. The three girls in the class sat up the front of the room and watched on with interest.

"Hey Finn." Macca looked at the page he was reading.

"Hey." Finn said without looking up. He'd heard about what Macca and, especially Simmy had been doing to Archie, and he had no interest in being friendly with either of them anymore. He felt his temper starting to boil but consciously decided to work to keep it under control.

"So it's true… you're with that Rae Earl bird?"

"Aye." He said without looking up.

"Why would you go for her after Stacey?" Simmy scoffed from across the room.

"Why wouldn't I?" Finn asked. "Big fucking improvement on Stacey, trust me." Finn muttered, but was still heard by everyone.

"Isn't she fucking mental but?" Simmy continued.

"She'd have to be, to be fucking me." Finn replied, wondering if he should mention Archie, his eyes still on the essay questions, his temper threatening to get the better of him.

"So you fucking her?" Macca asked. Finn raised his eyes raised from the paper to Macca.

"Aye, that's what I said."

"She got a magic fanny!" Simmy said and there was general laughter. Finn looked ahead at the blackboard for a moment, considering his options, soothing his temper like it was a child version of himself, like Rae had said.

"Leave off!" Josh unexpectedly said, "She not a bad girl."

"Yeah, you've done worse." Sam backed Josh up. Simmy pulled a face at Sam, but Macca feigned innocence.

"I ain't got a bad word to say about big girls! Pussy's pussy!" He said holding his hands up in a sign of surrender, he got some laughter from the guys watching on, but Finn took a silent breath to sooth his anger, "and big girls do know how to suck cock." Uproarious laughter from almost everyone, "and you know more cushion for the pushing!" Finn managed to stop his twitching hands from balling into fists and smashing Macca's teeth out. He felt momentarily pleased with himself.

"Big tits!" Another guy said. "Really big tits!"

"Yeah, you're a tit man aren't you Finn?" Rick, a boy Finn knew from football, remembered Finn's previous locker room talk.

"Aye." Finn allowed himself a satisfied grin. Rae truly did have magnificent tits. Finn saw one of the girls, a slightly chubby girl watching everything intently, the other two girls had turned away. The chubbier girl's eyes lingered on Finn for a moment before she turned away too.

"Disgusting boys." He heard one of them say. Josh and Sam looked around uncomfortably, caught between being one of the lads and knowing that Rae was solid.

"Rae'd have more than a handful!" Macca guffawed.

"Aye." Finn said, the smirk not leaving his face, but he had no intention of elaborating past what was blatantly obvious; she had big breasts.

"You know, I bet she's fucking great in the sack – she'd be so thankful for a shag!" Simmy bellowed. "Bet she gave it up easy."

"Actually Rae made me work real hard for it." Finn said, a smile on his face. "And you're right, she is an amazing shag. But a little boy like you wouldn't know what to do with her." This was met with general laughter too, even if Simmy did look put out.

"I'd know what to do with her just fine!" Simmy retorted.

"Oh aye? This from the guy that punches people from behind, in the back o' the head, rather than front on, in a fair fight." Finn let Simmy know that he knew about Archie, "next time you want'a punch someone, try me." Simmy gave Finn an angry look, but was silenced by Macca,

"Fuck that shit." Macca changed the topic back with a chorus of general approval. "What she do that's so amazing?" He asked with genuine interest. Finn looked around at all the expectant eyes.

"Most of you fuckers are virgins, aren't you?" He suddenly realised. The girls laughed quietly and the boys made jeering sounds and laughed, accusing each other of not getting any. Finn remembered a time when he would have been part of that group of boys, he shook his head.

"What are her tits like?" Rick called across the room.

"Ask her yourself." Finn grinned.

"I'm not gonna fucking ask her!" He said confused by Finn's unwillingness to brag, given his past locker room talk.

"Then why are you asking me?" Finn looked back down at the essay questions.

"You got it bad!" Macca teased.

"Aye." Finn nodded his head. He was glad he'd managed to keep his temper under control, this was just amusing now that he realised how pathetic they all really were.

"So what, you love her?" Macca asked.

"Aye."

Elsa walked in drinking tea from a large thermos, carrying a stack of folders, and looking unimpressed.

"Speaking o' more cushion for the pushing." Macca said as his eyes fell to her arse. Finn rolled his eyes at Macca,

"Virgin." He said softly.

"Fuck you." Macca replied with a grin, "Miss you in music." Finn turned to him.

"Stop being a cunt to Archie right? He me best mate."

"Alright." Macca shrugged, "it's more Simmy than me anyhow."

"Don't give a fuck. Don't do it." Finn said as quietly as possible and Macca nodded.

"Right. Quiet." Elsa said, her patience levels clearly at a critically low level. "We've got nearly half of our teachers out today with this virus. So I am exhausted, and not in the mood. Got it?" She was met with silence. "Right. She pointed at a student. "Starting here, going left, shoot around the room and scream your name at me. As loud as you can."

"David." He answered softly.

"God I hope you never have to announce a fire to a crowded room." She smiled and he laughed nervously, "You alright?" He nodded. She pointed to the next person. It was Josh, who yelled out his name loudly. That started off everyone with knowing it was ok; she actually meant to yell. Everyone except Simmy gave a good yell, Simmy was angry; Finn had just made him look like wuss. Elsa tried him twice, but he would not yell is name. She moved on, and at the end she pointed at David again and he yelled his name out with a big grin.

"What are you guys studying?"

"Contemporary scripts, imagery and tropes." The chubby girl said.

"Thanks Kathleen." Elsa looked through the notes on the table, "television?" She shook her head, "you're studying television shows?" She saw them nodding their heads. "Comparative study of Absolutely Fabulous, Doctor Who, not really contemporary, unfortunately, Bottom, The Darling buds of May, Hamish MacBeth, Heartbeat, and Lady Chatterley." She read from the notes.

"That Lady Chatterley is bang up for it, even though she acts all proper." Simmy said at an attempt to regain his status. "Bit like you Miss." He added.

"Oooh." A few lads jeered quietly. Elsa narrowed her eyes and looked at him. The class was utterly silent. Finn looked from Elsa to Simmy and then back down at his essay questions, already having a good idea of what was coming.

"Why would you think that you had the right to say that to me in front of a classroom of students?" She asked almost pleasantly.

"It was just a joke Miss." Simmy said lightly.

"But we all know it wasn't." She said seriously. "Comments like these are clearly designed to make the recipient feel uncomfortable. They are a thinly veiled attempt at claiming power and dominance." Finn heard one of the girls chuckle softly.

"I didn't mean nothing by it." Simmy said uncomfortably.

"Oh that's good to know." She said kindly. "But tell me Simon. What is it about me that makes you think that I would be bang up for it?" She asked as if it were a genuine interest.

"I dunno, the way you walk."

"So the way I carry myself." Finn noticed that Elsa had barely moved throughout this whole incident. She was really pissed off.

"Yeah."

"But of course you meant nothing by it. Even though the way I walk, which is with confidence, nothing more and nothing less, seems to be open to sexual interpretation; you meant nothing by it." A couple of the boy's mouths dropped, not sure how to take what she was saying. "A woman who does not hate herself and her body is seen to be open to sex." She looked around the mostly male class, "you'll all be writing a 2000 word essay on this topic. Write it down." She waited for them to get pens, "The essay topic is this: images of women and women's bodies on television and what this does to female body image and male attitudes to women and women's bodies. You know what? Make it 3000 words. You can all do with knowing about this topic." She walked up to the blackboard and grabbed the chalk, and wrote dot points for what she was saying, "This essay will have a minimum of 20 references." There was a general murmur in the classroom but Elsa continued, "with no less than 10 of them from psychological texts or studies and a further 5 to 10 from sociological ones." She turned back to them. "What other assignments do you have for this class?" Finn held out the essay sheet to her. "This is a very light workload." She looked down at the list of assignments. "You have a month to return it to me. I'll organise for it to count towards your final grade."

For the rest of the lesson everyone shot Simmy dirty looks. Finn looked at his increasing homework load and sighed internally. He groaned to himself that he was actually doing it all now.

As everyone left the class, heading for lunch, Elsa pulled Finn aside.

"Right." She said softly as she went through her folders and pulled one out with his name on it. "You failed English." She looked up at him and he nodded his head.

"I knew I had." She looked back down at the results of his make up tests.

"You aced science, as was expected. Physical Education you did excellently on, Media studies was a little mediocre, but still a pass. You didn't do your music make up test…" She looked at him again, "because you dropped music to do performing arts." Finn nodded.

"That's right."

"You haven't done enough performing arts to pass this year. You'll have to repeat it."

"I know."

"You are excellent at music, and you've picked up a subject that you frankly seem to despise." Elsa raised her eyebrows at him.

"It's growing on me." Finn flashed Rae's copy of 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead'; he had it on him most of the time, he was still working his way through it.

"Rae's favourite play."

"Aye."

"So you're doing this subject for Rae." Finn shrugged. "That's a poor reason to choose a subject." She told him frankly.

"It's done." Finn said with finality. Elsa considered him for a moment.

"Ok." She relented, "but let's talk about your English problem." Finn nodded his head. Elsa walked to the door and closed it. She returned to Finn.

"I like Mrs Rikkon as a person, but she's a shit teacher. I could tell from today that you are bored in this class, the subjects being covered do not interest you."

"Yeah well, English is compulsory."

"I want you to pick up English with Mrs Vines." Finn shook his head.

"That's advanced English, I'm not gonna do that. It'd be too hard for me."

"Harder yes, but not too hard. And a far better teacher." Finn shook his head, "You'd be in Rae's class next year." She said with a wry smile.

"You just told me that was a poor reason to study something!" Finn said bemused.

"Just using your own reasoning against you." Finn groaned and looked around, unsure.

"I dunno Elsa."

"Trust me on this Finn." He sighed.

"I can't just go straight into second year advanced English, I'm too far behind!"

"What about I drop you back down to first year for the rest of this school year? You'd be doing advanced English in Rae's class starting tomorrow." She sweetened the deal. Finn looked very tempted.

"They're doing utopias and dystopias, I don't even know what those words mean… and fucking Hamlet."

"And they'll also be dong the play you're reading now." She nodded at the text in his hand.

"I don't understand it but."

"But you will." He looked away from her and bit his bottom lip. "That'd be two of five classes with Rae instead of one."

"Alright." He agreed, "Oh fuck, I'll never pass!" He instantly questioned his choice.

"Yes you will." Elsa grinned. "So that means you'll get A levels in media studies, PE and general science at the end of this school year. That's technically enough…"

"Yeah except for English being fucking compulsory." He shook his head. "Fucking advanced." He sighed again. "And anyway me da wants me to have 4 A levels." He added. Elsa nodded.

"You'll get advanced English and performing arts next year. That's 5 A levels. What about picking up a 6th? Like music, or a specialised science. Ms Verna thinks you'd make an excellent physicist. You could even pick up maths."

"I hadn't though o' doing that." He said honestly.

"It will help with university admission. If you get good grades; the repeating will not seem so bad." Finn bit the inside of his mouth.

"Alright, might do physics."

"Excellent. And you will be actually performing in performing arts."

"Yeah I know." He said morosely.

"And you'll still be doing the essay I set today, as well as the work in Rae's English class."

"I know." He sighed heavily.

"Be gone." She waved him off and Finn left for lunch in an apprehensive mood.

_Advanced English. I'm never leaving this place. I'll never fucking pass it. _

_Fuck. _

_'Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in my Hand' by Primitive Radio Gods_

"Archie, d'you know where Chlo is?" Rae asked without sitting down at the table. Archie looked up from his sandwich and nodded over to the gymnasium.

"I saw her heading behind the main building." The main building was behind the gym. Rae had crashed out of that building months ago and met Liam for the first time. She'd been avoiding that are because she knew Liam smoked around there.

"Alright." She kissed Finn and started to head off in that direction.

"Where you going?" He started to follow.

"I need to talk to Chloe alone."

"Alright." He said still walking.

"Alone." She stopped.

"I'll stay back so I can't hear. But I'm not letting you out o' me sight, if I can help it." Rae stopped herself from sighing with frustration.

"Alright fine." She'd had to battle him this morning to get him to go to his classes; he'd wanted to cut them and hang around the doors to hers. She knew that going back to her house had spooked them both a little, so she forgave him for being crazy, and decided not to battle him now. She needed to focus on Chloe. She just hoped Liam wasn't there. She wasn't sure how Finn would react to seeing him.

As Rae walked around the corner of the building she saw Chloe, sitting alone on the ground, staring off.

"Stay." She said to Finn and he gave her an unimpressed look but she just raised her eyebrows at him and kept walking towards Chloe. Finn leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette and watched her walk away, admiring the way her arse moved in her jeans.

"Hi." Rae said as she approached Chloe. Chloe looked up at her as she sat down.

"Hi?" She said, confused and worried. "What are you doing-"

"You lied to me Chloe." Rae said softly. Chloe's breath caught in her throat and she shook her head defiantly.

"Don't know what you're talking about." She frowned and shrugged.

"You said you threw yourself at him. That you grabbed him and tried to fuck his mouth with yours."

"He didn't do nothing though." Chloe said vehemently, "he just pushed me away, and then he said that he didn't want me. So you know – it weren't him." A tear fell down her face.

"Finn told me what happened." Chloe looked away, "I made him show me what your kiss were like." Chloe kept her face averted. "And I believe him."

"Of course. Why would you believe me over him?" She sounded bitter.

'I believe him, because he's never lied to me. And because I think you're trying to hurt yourself Chloe." Chloe sniffed and wiped her nose with her sleeve.

"Why would you care, after what I did?"

"I dunno. Cos you're still me best mate. Even if…" Rae's eyes strayed to Finn, standing far enough away to not hear them, smoking and trying not to look at them too obviously. "Even if I can't trust you around Finn just yet." Chloe sniffed again and brought her knees up under her chin. "But I know you're not doing it to hurt me. And I now you're not doing it because you want him so bad, though I'd understand if you did. You're doing it to hurt yourself." Rae scooted forward a little, to be closer to her, "and you lied to me, to make yourself look bad, so I'd hate you. So you'd be alone. Cos it's what you think you deserve, isn't it?" A sob escaped Chloe and Rae reached over and pulled her into her arms. Finn watched Rae hold Chloe as she wept. Compassion was one of her many personality traits that he so admired and loved. He doubted he'd be doing the same for Chop if Chop kissed Rae; no matter what his excuse was.

"You wanted me to hate you, as much as you hate yourself." Chloe felt her arms wrapping around Rae's warm waist, her head buried in her comforting shoulder. "But I can't hate you Chloe. I love you." This elicited loud sobs from Chloe and Rae stroked her hair. "You. Are my best friend Chloe." She kissed Chloe on the top of the head and held her for a long time before the crying eased.

"I'm sorry Rae." She whispered.

"It's ok Chlo." Rae soothed, "I forgive you; it's alright."

"I don't know why I can't let go of Finn."

"Lots of reasons. Your shared history. He's so different now from all the guys that have hurt you. He's right there all the time."

"You know about before, don't you?"

"Before Stacey?" Chloe nodded. "Finn said he were a bit of a prick to you."

"Not really. Well actually, kinda." She sounded worried about what Rae might think, so Rae made a noise encouraging her to continue.

"I were 15 when I saw him. Followed him round for a bit before he noticed me." Chloe wiped her face. "He was so obviously only wanting sex though. And I hadn't even kissed anyone yet." She shook her head. "I was kinda glad when he lost interest; I weren't ready. We only hung around together for a few days. I thought he were a bit of a twat." Chloe smiled wanly.

"He probably was then." Rae smiled encouragingly.

"When Izzy introduced us again. I weren't sure it were him. He were different." Chloe shook her head, "Carried himself different." She sat up slightly, her hands holding Rae's. "By the time I realised that it really was him, the conversation had moved on so it felt weird to say anything. And he didn't seem to remember me anyway." She shrugged, "figured we'd start new." She looked at Rae's red nail polish as their fingers intertwined, "He were still so fit… I figured maybe we'd try it again, you know. I were more ready this time." She looked up at Rae, "But he never showed interest in me again." She looked away. "I thought I'd lost my chance to be with him." She shook her head, "But he told me in Sutherland that he'd never thought of me that way." She took her hand from Rae's and wiped her face. "And I felt… lost and alone?" She questioned her feelings. "Worthless. A guy like Finn would never want me."

"That's not true." Rae soothed, "Do you think maybe that Finn has become a bit of a… I dunno… holy grail?" Rae struggled to find the right words. Chloe took a deep breath.

"I've thought about this." She lowered her eyes. "I want him because I know he wouldn't hurt me." A tear slipped down her cheek, "cos I see what a good man he is. And I so want that Rae." She cried. "I'm so tired of…" Rae took her into her arms again.

"It's alright Chloe." Rae stroked her hair again, "you'll find someone that won't hurt you. You just have to think you're worth it." Rae thought back to her session with Kester yesterday and looked over at Finn. She still didn't think she was worth Finn. Even after everything that had happened, and all the work he'd done to try to tell her otherwise.

But it didn't matter. She wasn't going to let go of him, even if she didn't deserve him. And she was going to work at deserving him. And at believing she deserved him. Both.

She watched him pull that her book from his back pocket and open it up. She grinned for a moment and then turned her attention back to Chloe, who had settled again.

"I don't deserve love Rae."

"Of course you do." Rae responded immovably. "Now let's take you to the loo and we'll clean you up. Come spend the rest of lunch with us, where you belong."

"Finn can't follow you into the girls' bathroom." Chloe glanced over at Finn.

"Won't stop him trying." Rae rolled her eyes but grinned.

"Are you ok with all of that?" Chloe took Rae's hand and held it tightly.

"No." Rae decided to be honest. "But there's not much we can do about it… which is why I think Finn has become hyper-vigilant." Rae got up and held out a hand for Chloe, "Come on." Chloe took her hand and stood up.

"Thanks Rae."

"Anytime."

_'Roots Bloody Roots' by Sepultura_

They pulled up outside Finn's house and he leaned in for a kiss that she gladly gave him. He breathed deeply looked into her eyes and brought his hands up to her face. They kissed for a long time before he got out of the car and walked around to open Rae's door.

_He always does stuff like that. He's so romantic._

He held out his hand with a beautiful crooked grin on his face. She took his hand and they headed inside.

Finn's dad was sitting on the lounge, smoking. Finn hadn't seen him smoke in years. He stubbed out the cigarette and looked at Finn moodily.

"Da?"

"Where is it?" Gary asked softly, the deep pit of anger he felt barely contained.

_Oh fuck._

"Where's what?" Finn asked, but his change in attitude and the way he squared his shoulders told Rae that Finn knew exactly what his dad was talking about. Gary stood up angrily.

"Don't play dumb with me."

"I'm not playing dumb."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." His voice started to rise and Rae felt Finn's fingers leaving hers as he pulled himself up to his full height and stepped towards his father.

"Maybe I do."

"Oh, maybe you do?" Gary was furious.

"Maybe you should fucking say it." He matched his father's anger.

"Where's the letter?"

"Oh you mean the one from my mum." Finn stepped forward, his father and him almost toe to toe.

"So you did take it?"

"The one where she says she wants to fucking kill me?" Rae felt something cracking in Finn, felt the huge sea of emotions he'd been holding back scream and flood out of him.

"How dare you go through my private property." Gary's top lip sneered in rage and disgust.

"How dare you keep it from me!" Finn's voice roared in anger.

"You had no right!"

"No you had no right!" Finn's fury was inescapable.

"You had no right to go through my things!"

"You had no right to hide it!"

"That letter was not for you!"

"Oh right!" Finn nodded arrogantly and stepped forward.

"Yeah. That is fucking right!"

"How could you let me forget my sister, you fucking cunt." The force and hatred in Finn's voice nearly flattened Rae.

"Grace was-"

"NO! No you don't get to say her name!" Finn roared.

"Finn, you-"

"YOU DON'T EVER GET TO SAY HER NAME!" Finn's anger had reached a height Rae had never seen in anyone before.

"You don't know-" Gary's volume was matching Finn's now, his face reddening with anger

"How can you live with yourself?"

"I do not have-"

"You're a fucking monster!"

"You have no idea-".

"No, cos you didn't tell me!" He yelled with a hoarse, cracking voice.

"I don't have to tell you anything!" Gary matched Finn's rage and Rae grew increasingly afraid. She saw more and more just how alike Finn and Gary were. Neither was backing down. Finn got right up into his father's face.

"I burned that fucking letter." Finn said with a sadistic grin.

"How dare you…" Gary shook his head in disgust, his anger growing and his voice steadied into a low, threatening rumble. "That was the last thing your mother ever gave me." He squeezed the words out through wrath and gritted teeth.

"I don't give a fuck!"

"You fucking arsehole!"

"Oh I'm the fucking arsehole? You did nothing while my ma went crazy."

"Your mother-"

"You watched her every fucking day. You saw she were in pain. And you did fuck all."

"I am not going to talk to you about this."

"You're pathetic! You're a piece of shit!" He pushed his father. Hard.

"Don't you lay hands on me son." Gary warned with a threatening tone.

Finn suddenly threw his head back and laughed. A harsh barking laugh in the silence. Rae was terrified of what she knew was coming.

Without warning he snapped a perfectly serious face back to his dad and in the same action hit him square in the jaw with ferocious force.

Rae gasped, her hands going to her face in shock and fear as Gary stumbled backward violently, almost losing his footing.

"Don't lay hands on you?" He laughed again, "Like that?" He spat at him. "Like that, motherfucker?" He screamed. Gary touched the blood on his lips and looked up at Finn with a murderous glare. Finn never took his eyes off him, he raised his fists. "Come on dad." He said aggressively. "Let's sort this shit out."

Gary squared up and nodded.

"Alright." He spat blood onto the floor and started to close the gap between himself and Finn.

_They're gonna end up killing each other._

"Alright, alright, alright!" Rae cried out and stood in between them, extending a hand to Finn's chest and gently pushing him back. "JUST STOP!" She looked at Gary, his eyes never leaving Finn's.

"STOP IT!" She yelled and Gary's eyes flicked down to hers.

Rae screamed as quite suddenly she felt Finn's arms around her waist, picking her up roughly, almost knocking the wind out of her, moving her firmly out of the way, her twisted ankle copping a lot of pain as she fell to her knees when he put her down.

As soon as he was done moving her he turned back to his father.

Rae turned and saw with horror that Gary had swung at Finn.

"Oh no." She whimpered as she scrambled to her feet. Finn blocked the blow and in the same movement twisted his hand around to grab Gary's forearm and pulled him closer, his other fist planting itself firmly in his father's stomach.

As Gary doubled over, Rae had the chance to register that Gary's intended hit had been open handed. A slap.

Finn pushed his father back aggressively.

"Come on!" He raised his fists again, wanting his father to hit him back.

Gary took a breath and squared up again, raising his fists as Finn sunk his weight down, bending his knees and bouncing a little, ready for a proper brawl, his eyes filled with rage and violence.

_I have to do something!_

"What the hell is going on?" Janice said as she walked through the front door.

_Oh thank fuck!_

"He knows about the letter." Rae turned to her, tears on her face.

"Right!" She said marching in and putting her hands over Gary's raised fists. Rae followed suit and grabbed Finn, trying to get him to break eye contact with his dad.

"Finn." She pleaded. "Please, Finn." He wouldn't look at her, "You're scaring me." She cried and his eyes dropped to hers. "Let's just go." She whispered, "please, take me somewhere else." His hand came up to her face and wiped a tear from her cheek. But then his face turned back to his father. Janice was lecturing Gary firmly. Rae grabbed Finn's hand and pulled him hard towards the front door. She picked up their bags and kept pulling him as he looked over his shoulder at his dad.

"Don't you dare leave this house, boy." Gary suddenly said as they reached the front door.

"Fuck you!" Rae suddenly said, she stormed back in towards him, "You hide something like this from him all his life and then get angry at him when finds out and it fucks him up?" She shook her head angrily at him, "What's wrong with you? This is your fault. And you think letting him use fists is the way to handle it?" She was shaking with fear and anger and grief for Finn, her memories of how he wept when he'd found out, prodding her into a fury, "You should have told him, years ago! You failed as a dad. So you don't get to make the rules now!" She backed away, tears streaming down her face, "I'm taking him to my place. To get the fuck away from you!" When she turned around, Finn's eyes were on her, his father forgotten. "Come on." She took his hand and he followed.

Rae threw the bags into the back seat of the car and got in the driver's seat. She knew she shouldn't drive when she was shaking like this, but she had no choice. Finn sat beside her silently, his eyes on her as she pulled out of the driveway.

_'Protection' by Massive Attack_

She managed to get nearly two blocks before having to pull over to the side of the road. She burst into tears and Finn laid a hand over her thigh.

"Thank you." He said with a clear, strong voice. She looked up at him, confused. "I've never had someone…" He paused, to find the right words, "No one's ever done something like that for me." He shook his head, barely moving, "No one's ever stuck up for me like that." In a quick sudden move, his lips were on hers. He kissed her passionately, her tears still pouring down her face. His hands cupped her face and his mouth made love to hers, the heat between them almost excruciating. When he stopped he kept his hands on her face, his forehead touching hers.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked, referring to the way he'd moved her out of the way. She could tell from the tone in his voice that he was ready to spiral into a pit of self-hatred. So she decided to lie.

"No." He accepted what she had said with a slight, sceptical nod.

"But I scared you?"

"I was worried your dad might hit you." She saw the raw emotion in his eyes, emotions that he had barely started to process and feel. He shook his head.

"He weren't gonna punch me." Finn sighed and leaned back in his chair. "He were letting me use him as a punching bag." He looked out the window, clearly disgusted with himself. Rae reached into his pockets and he shifted, allowing her to do whatever it was that she wanted. She pulled out his cigarettes and lit one for him, and then another for herself. He gave her a questioning look and she shrugged.

He watched her from the corner of his eye as she coughed and sputtered, but smoked the cigarette resolutely.

"So what happens now?" She asked and he sighed.

"I guess I'm leaving college again. I'll need a job to pay rent on a flat." He wiped his face slowly, "It's a fucking mess."

"Maybe mum'll let you stay at our place? Just get a part time job to help out and still go to school?" She said hopefully.

"Maybe." He said with a tone that denoted he didn't think it was a likely scenario. "I'm sorry about losing me temper." He said in a low voice, "I been trying not to. Been soothing it like you said… but…"

"No it's alright. I lost me temper too." She gave him a supportive grin.

"I saw." He started to smile a little, "You are world class Rae Earl." He said with pure admiration and she lowered her eyes, blushing.

"Can we swap seats?" She asked holding up her shaking hands. Finn looked down at his own shaking hands.

"Yeah ok." He jumped out and went round to her side and opened the door.

They sat in silence for a while, Finn wanting to calm his nerves before driving.

He kept looking at her, unable to believe what she had done for him.

"You protected me." He said softly, taking her hand.

"Yeah." She saw how important this was to him, "we're in this together, Finn." She kissed him as deeply as she could, trying to take all of him into her. Trying to envelop him, to protect him, to hold him inside of her.

"Jesus." He breathed when she stopped. The electricity between them was alight and her skin tingled with it. She could tell by the slow deep breaths he was taking and the way his eyes moved that he felt it too.

"Finn." She whispered.

_I'm going to say it._

_I'm going to tell him that I love him. _

"Yeah?" He asked breathlessly, his eyes moving from her mouth up to her eyes, his fingers tangled in her hair near her neck.

_What if he don't want to hear it?_

_What if you're spoiling the moment?_

_What if he laughs?_

_Oh god! What if he does laugh?_

_He won't laugh._

_Tell him how you feel._

_Do it._

His lips were on hers again; a kiss that mirrored the one they'd just shared, but with Finn taking the lead, Finn pouring all his emotion into her.

"Holy fuck." Rae whispered when he pulled away, a thin strand of spittle extending between their lips momentarily.

"Rae?" He asked softly.

"What?" She could barely speak. He hesitated, stroking her face looking at her mouth and then her eyes.

"Are you still on it?" His voice barely made a sound. "I want'a make love to you." Rae paused, her mind taking time to catch up with what he'd said.

"Oh." She said softly, "um…" She wiped her face and pulled back a little, "Yeah for a couple more days." He didn't groan with frustration, he looked disappointed. "Don't worry, I'll tell you when it's done." She tried to sooth that look. He looked up at her, she saw regret in his eyes.

"Sorry." He furrowed his brows and looked down, biting the inside of his mouth. "I don't mean to pester you. I just…" he reached out to her and she came closer, he shook his head, obviously frustrated with his inability to speak.

"It's alright." She touched his face, "I understand." She looked down, "I wanna have sex too."  
"No, it's not…" He bit his lip. "It's not what I meant." He looked away.

"It's alright Finn." She kissed his fingertips, and he smiled slightly.

"Sometimes I'm scared o' what you'll think about…" He shook his head, "everything." He said softly, clearly not pleased with the words he'd chosen.

"You shouldn't be." She stroked his face.

"Alright." He breathed deeply. "I'll try to remember that in future." He gave her a stunning smile and stroked her face, she saw that look in his eyes and wondered if he'd meant to say 'I love you'.

"You're my world Rae." He said with a slight waver in his voice. He looked down and then back up at her, "You're everything."

She felt the words on her lips again but he took a deep breath and turned to the steering wheel. She swallowed them down.

_Now's not the time._

_He just punched the shit out of his da and he's very fragile._

_Give him a bit o' time and space Rae._

_He don't need emotional stuff at the moment._

_Talk about something else._

"D'you know Finn, I think I'd like to keep jogging." Rae mused as he drove them to her house. He looked at her from the side of his eye as he slowed down for some small children crossing the road.

"Alright girl, when are we going?" His previous vulnerability slowing falling away from him.

"You don't have to come with me." She shook her head, "was there any point in me saying that?"

"None."

"Mornings." Rae answered his question. She fidgeted with her nails, "but I'm not… you know… I won't be able to run as good as you." She looked at him, worried, embarrassed. He shrugged.

"I gotta be better than you at something." He grinned and looked at her momentarily before he turned back to watch the kids crossing.

"But I'll just slow you down." She fretted but he shrugged.

"Then I'll know what it feels like to be you."

"You don't slow me down!" She answered immutably and he turned a shy face to her.

"I still don't get that Rosen-thingy play."

"I didn't get it the first time I read it either." She put a hand on is thigh as he lit another cigarette, "stop being so hard on yourself.

"Oh aye." He grinned, "and you too."

"Alright!" She rolled her eyes and tried to conceal her grin.

Karim watched Aiesha and listened to Rae.

"I know that mum wouldn't like it, but I think it's the best idea." She finished her request with a hopeful smile. Karim nodded.

"He stay."

"He can stay." Rae said gently and Karim smiled. Since he had married Linda, Rae had been teaching him English on and off, mostly by repeating his sentences with all the missing words in place. He had asked her to help with his English because she had a rudimentary understanding of French. And this was the only way she knew how to.

"He can stay." Karim repeated. He touched Rae's face momentarily and looked up at Finn, scuffing his feet at the door. "Is ok." He motioned for Finn to come in, "I talk to Linda"

"It is ok, I will talk to Linda." She said with a genuine, but exhausted smile.

"It is ok. I will talk to Linda." He nodded, making sure he'd said everything right and Rae nodded in reply.

"Thanks Karim." She looked down at Aiesha and gently picked her up.

"What happened face?" He asked concerned, looking at the bruise along her jaw and the slight graze.

"I tripped." She sighed; it was embarrassing talking about it. Aiesha stirred slightly in Rae's arms so she sung a soft lullaby to her and she continued sleeping peacefully. She sat down on the lounge and Finn sat down next to her, looking at Rae holding Aiesha.

_She is so beautiful._

_And fierce._

_And powerful._

He watched her pull faces at Aiesha as the baby opened her painfully blue eyes and looked up at her. She took Aiesha's hands and moved her arms up and down end talked to her.

"You're strong. And you're perfect. And you're beautiful. And you're so clever. Look at you figuring everything out." She said as Aiesha moved her mouth slightly.

_She'll make a perfect mother._

_Fierce and protective._

_Our babies will grow up knowing they're loved. And perfect. _

_Our babies…_

_Fuck. _

Finn looked down, smiling, embarrassed, as if Rae could read his mind. He shyly raised his eyes, enchanted in how natural she was with Aiesha.

"Where's mum?" She asked in a high pitched, loving tone as if she were talking to Aiesha.

"Shopping." Karim answered.

"That's good isn't it Aiesha? Isn't it?" She stroked Aiesha's head and blew a raspberry at her.

_I am going to spend the rest of my life with that woman._

Finn smiled, knowing that everything would be alright. He'd figure it all out, even this trouble with his dad. Because he had Rae. She turned to look at him and saw the way he was looking at her.

"What are you thinking?" She noticed that look in his eyes. "You wanna hold her?" She was suddenly struck by the idea.

"What?" He looked panicked and she shook her head, amused.

"Here." She gently handed Aiesha to Finn, "Watch her head." Rae showed him how to support her head. Karim watched a sad smile on his face. Finn looked down at the baby in his arms, every muscle in his body tense, terrified he'd drop her. She moved her arm and yawned.

"Oh my god." He breathed as he watched her move.

"Rachel il faut que je te parle de quelque chose." Karim said softly and Rae looked up.

"What'd he say?" Finn asked.

"He wants to talk about something?" She told Finn and asked Karim simultaneously. Karim nodded that she was right.

"S'il te plaît viens dans la cuisine." Rae screwed up her face in thought and then got up, heading for the kitchen, Karim flowing.

"Where are you going?" Finn panicked, Aiesha squirming in his arms.

"The kitchen." She answered, "I think Karim wants to talk privately.

"Yes." Karim nodded, "private."

"You can't leave me with…" he looked down at the baby. She was looking up at him adoringly. He stared down at her beautiful blue eyes.

"You'll be fine." Rae grinned and turned to go into the kitchen. Karim lingered, watching Finn looking down at Aiesha.

"You natural." He said and nodded at Aiesha. Finn grinned awkwardly and then quickly looked back down as she squirmed in his arms. He bit his bottom lip on concentration and didn't notice Karim leaving the room.

Rae was making tea when he sat down at the table.

"Ton français est assez bon pour suivre?" He asked and Rae had to really think for a while to put it all together.

"Um… my French is ok… but you'll have to speak slower, or I won't get it all."

"On va parler tour à tour français et anglais, d'accord?"

"Wait… slow down."

"On va parler tour à tour français et anglais, d'accord?" Karim repeated slower.

"Yeah, I understand the words English and French…"

"Both." Karim said.

"Ok, so we'll use both?" Rae nodded, "What's on your mind?" She asked, realising that this was obviously very important. She sat down, forgetting the tea.

"You mum…" He said softly, "eh… eh… Linda pleure beaucoup en se moment et cela m'inquiète." He raised his hands to his eyes, "tars…" He said, "she cries."

"And you're worried." Rae understood. "Me too. I've heard her a couple o' times now." Karim reached out to take her hand in comfort.

"Je ne veux vraiment pas y aller." He lowered his eyes, looking worried, dejected.

"I don't know what to do either." Rae said. Sometimes she understood his French based entirely just on the expression on his face. She understood that worry tinged with helplessness. He hadn't needed to say anything for her to understand. He looked down at their hands.

"Elle semble tellement triste." He said sadly.

"Um…" Rae translated in her head at what seemed to be a glacial pace. "She sad?" She decided that was the closest she'd get to what he'd said. He nodded.

"Elle a même perdu le goût de la vie"

"Life… mum's… not interested…"

"In life." Karim nodded.

"She sounds depressed." Rae said sadly. Why hadn't she figured this out sooner?

"Depressed…?" Karim didn't know the word.

"Really, really, really sad." Rae explained as best she could. Karim nodded.

"Linda depressed." He agreed.

"Linda is depressed." Rae corrected without thought, but Karim did not repeat what she said.

"Connaîs-tu quelqu'un à qui nous pouvons en parler?"

"Um…" Rae tied to think, "Nope, you'll have to repeat it." She shook her head.

"Talk someone… Connaîs-tu quelqu'un à qui nous pouvons en parler?"

"Oh right… um… well I guess the hospital would know someone or even have someone she could talk to." Rae answered.

"Merci." He said gratefully.

"I could always ask Kester if he knows anyone…" Rae mused.

"S'il te plaît ne t'inquiète pas à propos de ça. No worry." He said, deeply concerned for her.

"But I have to worry, Karim. She's my mum." She squeezed his hand, "I'll talk to Kester." He shook his head in reply.

"Je vais m'en occupier. My job." He added.

"I know it's your job. But she's my mum… can't I help you take care of her?"

"Tu as assez de soucis Rachel." His eyes strayed to the bin full of flowers.

"Yeah I know." She replied staring at the wilting blooms but thinking about Gary and Finn. "A whole lot to worry about." She agreed.

"Depuis que tu es parti, il n'a fait qu'envoyer des fleurs." Karim stood up and pushed the flowers deeper into the bin. "Flowers. Every day." He repeated in English for emphasis. "You worry flowers." He said firmly. "I worry Linda."

"Alright." Rae nodded slowly, not sure that she really agreed with this. But she could see that Karim's mind was quite made up, and she really did have so many other things to worry about.

"I ring hospital." He smiled with a determined air. She gave him a supportive hug and he smiled that sad smile she had seen earlier.

"I better go rescue Finn." She told him and he agreed with a nod.

"I make tea." He said as she left the kitchen.

As she entered the lounge room she stopped and watched Finn. He was softly talking to Aiesha and she was making soft gurgling noises at him, each one eliciting a sound of amazement and encouragement from him. He stroked her head, his soft, but animated monologue not ceasing. Aiesha bounced her arms slightly.

"Now that's a right proper way to move y'arms!" He whispered to her, "Throw 'em round! Get into it little one." Rae didn't want to move, she just wanted to watch him, but a key in the door told her that he mum was home so went to the front door to help her.

"Oh Rae." Linda said distractedly. "I thought you were at Finn's." She looked up, "What happened to your face?"

"Um… tripped over, let me help you with the groceries mum." She decided to let Karim talk to her about Finn staying over, like he said he would. Linda looked over at Finn holding Aiesha.

"Staying for dinner Finn?" She looked exhausted.

"I'll cook." He said, seeing how tired she was.

"What could you possibly cook?"

"Quite a bit actually." He grinned. Linda looked at the way he held her baby.

"You're a natural at that." She said softly. "Hope you're as good at cooking." She started to walk through the lounge room and stopped. "Are you staying tonight?" She asked Rae.

"I miss me own bed mum."

"What about this stalker." Her face clouded with concern. "Karim goes to work in an hour. It'll just be us girls."

"I'm staying too." Finn said softly, keeping his tone light as he spoke down to Aiesha. Linda considered this.

"That's not for you to say." She answered wearily.

"I'll sleep on the floor the hallway, with Rae's door open, if that's it takes. But I'll not let her out me sight." He said firmly, but still as if he were talking to the baby. "Isn't that right little one?" He said adoringly to Aiesha who gurgled happily in response.

"That won't be necessary." She said softly. "Just make sure you both get enough sleep." She turned to the kitchen, Rae trying to take bags from her. "No it's fine pet, go play with your sister. See if she needs a change please."

"Alright." Rae sat down next to Finn.

"A change?" He asked.

"Her nappy."

"Oh right." He pulled a face. "You're a wee bit disgusting little one.' He said in a sweet voice to Aiesha.

"Little one?" Rae asked amused.

"Well, she's little." He blew a raspberry at her and she gurgled again. "It's not as hard as I thought it would be." He grinned.

"You have no idea!" Rae thought back to those first few weeks.

"No, but I will have one day." He smiled up at her.

"You wanna check the nappy?"

"Alright."

She taught him how to check the nappy and Linda wondered back in, watching for a moment before she spoke.

"If I'm letting you sleep in her bed whenever you want, I think it's about time I met your parents Finn."

_'Purple Sneakers' by You Am I_

That morning Karim had let Finn use his chin up bar and Rae had looked on, finally understanding her mother's obsession with that particular exercise and cursing her period.

Finn had dropped Rae off at school, waiting to make sure she got into the building ok before driving off, he had a free period first up and he drove home to gather Rae's things and a bag of his own things at a time when he knew his dad would be at work.

He looked at the glass, holding the few specks of ash from his mother's letter and took a good long time to really let himself feel everything that he had been holding in check with regards to his father. There was a lot of anger and resentment still, but his one true emotion after all of this was regret.

He sighed with that realisation and looked up at his clock.

_Oh shit!_

He hurried back to get to his new English class on time. With all the drama of yesterday, he hadn't had chance to tell Rae that he'd be joining her English class. It messed up a few of his free periods, and one of his PE classes was on during this class, but Elsa had seen to it that both teachers were aware of the issue, and he was to miss English once a week, since it didn't count to his A levels this year.

The class was already mostly seated when he walked in, a few giggles started, not because Finn was repeating. The fact that Finn, the fittest lad in school, had been missing for a few months, was well known. It was expected that he'd have to repeat. The giggles came from 1st year girls getting to see him up close as he sauntered in, his eyes searching for Rae. There were several spare seats and he hoped there'd be one next to Rae.

Going out with Rae had done nothing to lower Finn's status. Indeed, amongst most of the girls he was more revered than ever. As for the lads; it had made them all look at Rae differently. What was she offering him that other girls didn't or couldn't? The lads didn't view Finn differently, he'd always been a bit of an enigma. But a cool enigma. And that hadn't changed.

Finn barely noticed the giggles and stares. He saw that there was a spare seat next to Rae. She hadn't seen him; she was explaining something to Chloe, both girls looking at a book seriously.

_That's my smart girl. Always teaching everyone. _

He smiled as soon as he saw her. And scooted through the desks to sit next to her. She still hadn't seen him, it was the frenetic girl chatter that made her and Chloe look up, and she noticed someone sitting next to her, she turned and saw Finn smiling at her.

"What are you doing here?" She said, deeply confused.

"Nice to see you too." He laughed.

"I didn't mean it like that… I just…" Behind her, Chloe lowered her eyes and looked off.

"Elsa convinced me that I wanted to do advanced English."

"But you hate English."

"I know… I'm pretty sure she drugged me." He joked and Rae laughed. "Anyway, this is a little bit of pre-course so I'm ready for the real thing next year." He shrugged. Rae noticed the girls chattering and the way they all stole glimpses at Finn and tried to ignore it. That kind of stuff happened all the time.

"That's brilliant." She said with a grin. "Have you got the books?" He shook his head.

"I am gonna fail this class." He said with a grim smile.

"No you won't." Rae shook her head. "This is Utopia, by Sir Thomas More…"

"What's Utopia mean?"

"Like an ideal world." Rae said.

"So dystopia, is the opposite." Rae nodded.

"Catching on quick Finlay." He raised his eyebrows sceptically and chuckled at her.

"This is 1984 by George Orwell." She handed him another book. "And this is the Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood." She handed that one over too. "These are the required reading. And then there's Huxley's Brave New world and Plato's Republic as secondary texts. But it's best to read them too, even though they're not required."

"I'm definitely going to fail." He took the three books and turned them over in his hands.

"No you won't." Rae countered, "I'll help you, and 1984 is one of my favourite books." She grinned. He looked down at it.

"Is it like Rosen-thingy?"

"Not really no."

"So how long do I have to read these?"

"We're supposed to have already read them. I have, so you can share mine until you get your own."

"How d'you find the time?" He looked at 1984, "this is more books than I've read in me whole life."

"You'll be fine."

Mrs Vines entered the room and closed the door, she rifled through some notes and the class settled down. Finn saw Chloe staring off and decided he would make a small effort to make her feel less uncomfortable.

"Hi Chloe." She turned, surprised he'd said anything to her at all.

"Hi." She answered softly. After the way he'd yelled at her, she never expected him to say another word to her. She felt that she deserved the way he'd yelled at her. She didn't deserve for either of them to talk to her again.

"Alright?" She asked him. Finn pursed his lips slightly, thinking, he would not forget to be on his guard around her at all times; to maintain a distance.

"Yep." He answered and turned his eyes down to the books Rae had given him. Finn read the back cover of 1984, trying to get a feel for the book. They'd be discussing it in this class and he'd never read it. He had a lot to catch up on. He looked over at Rae's notes and pulled out the subject guide from her folder, reading the essay questions, his mouth open in a kind of horror. He didn't even understand the essay questions.

_Oh fuck._

He sighed and looked at the back cover again.

"So we were discussing the use of Newspeak and Doublethink as a two-pronged approach to maintaining control over the populace of Oceania. How do they do this? Phillip?" Finn's eyes narrowed as he turned to see Phillip sitting with a friend on the other side of the room. He hadn't realised Phillip took this class.

"Newspeak actively destroys words." He answered, "By diminishing the language that people can use to express thoughts, you diminish the thoughts."

_Wait what?_

Finn saw Rae nodding her head in agreement and took a minute to think about what Phillip had said.

_Right…_

_So they're getting rid of words…_

_And if you don't have the words to think the thoughts – you won't think 'em._

_Ok. _

_We're ok._

_So far._

_Fuck I hope that's right._

He became aware that the class conversation had moved on, Rae was speaking.

"It's more complicated because Newspeak is something that's done by others and it's handed out, like a law almost, you know? But Doublethink you have to do in your own head. You have to have these two contradictory thoughts, and there's no cognitive dissonance, you utterly believe them." Finn felt his mouth drop.

"But why is it important?"

"It's an effective way of controlling the past, present and future, as is shown by the way past newspaper articles are constantly changed. Making Big Brother seem omnipotent." Rea answered, "People can have the proof in their hands that Oceania was at war with Eurasia, but because the current lie is that we've always been at peace with them, you have to believe both things – both were always true…" Rae shook her head, "it's genius because the population are involved in their own mind control and brainwashing. They become invested in it because of that."

"I think they're invested in it because they're afraid of being tortured by their government, not because they are involved in their own oppression." A blond haired girl countered Rae's argument. Finn felt utterly bewildered.

"Do you think it's almost a type of Stockholm Syndrome?" Rae asked her as they sought to explore the topic further together.

"Not really." The girl answered. She began to elaborate but Finn felt himself just trying to catch up with what Rae had said. He had known that Rae was smart, but he had no idea she was this smart. He saw Phillip grinning sadistically at him and frowned slightly as he let his mind work over what Rae had said.

"What do you think Finn?" Mrs Vines looked at him expectantly. Mrs Rikkon had never allowed discussion and debate like this in his English class, she just told them what to think.

"I think Rae's right." He said slowly.

"And why is that?' Mrs Vines asked gently. Finn heard Phillip snigger but he tried to focus on the thought forming in his head.

"I might be way off base, cos I haven't had chance to read the book yet. But if I understand what Doublethink is aright, then it seems to me that we all do Doublethink for real, like we oppress ourselves," Finn hoped he was using all of these words correctly and not making an arse of himself, "and we're all really invested in doing it." He said slowly as he gathered his thoughts, "like how we tell girls that they can't be sluts but they can't be frigid." Mrs Vines raised her eyebrows slightly, "like that shit really messes with girls, you know? And we're all so invested in it, we're keeping it going, even though it's ridiculous, right? You think about it and you know this. Cos they contradict each other – you know they can't both be right. But you believe both anyway." Finn bit his bottom lip, "and like we also all believe that we gotta fit in and not be weird or an outcast… but we all also want'a be an individual and different. And we all believe both of those things completely." He thought for a minute about the debate Rae and the blond girl had just had, "And no government is gonna come and torture us if we stop believing in the slut, frigid thing are they? But we won't stop. Cos it what we was taught growing up. And people don't like to think they been lied to. It makes them feel unsafe." He spoke from personal experience, "so it's easier to just believe this shite. People wanna believe it cos it's kinda safe… what they know… what they're used to. That's why they're invested. That's why they keep doing it, even though they know on some level… you know?" Finn stopped and blushed, "but I'm not sure I get it yet cos I haven't read it." He looked down and took a deep breath.

"Oh I think you get it just fine." Mrs Vines said. "Can anyone else think of contemporary real world examples of Doublethink?"

Finn looked over at Rae and she was beaming at him.

"Told you." She whispered. He smiled hesitantly and made himself focus again; if he didn't pay close attention, he'd lose the thread of what was happening, and he really didn't want to do that; this was actually interesting.

As the class was milling out for break Mrs Vines pulled Finn and Rae aside.

"Rae I'm going to drop the requirement for this week's minor assignments for you – I want you to spend that time catching Finn up instead?" Rae nodded. Mrs Vines when through her desk and pulled out a stack of notes. "Help him do the major essay he's missed, and whatever grade I give him for that, I'll give you for the weekly assignment you're missing out on ok?"

"You want him to do the one on critical essay writing?"

"Yes." Mrs Vines replied, "And here are my class notes on what we've covered on Utopian and Dystopian novels so far."

"Alright." Rae nodded. Mrs Vines turned to Finn.

"Elsa tells me you're much smarter than you think you are." Finn shrugged and lowered his eyes. "There's no time for you to be modest or unsure of yourself. You're already six months behind." She said firmly and Finn scrunched up his face in concern.

_Oh god, I've made a mistake doing this haven't I?_

"So you better start trusting yourself and those instincts, because they paid off today." Finn looked up at her, surprised, "So far, I believe Elsa is right about you." She handed the notes to him, "you've got a week to do this full catch up and then I'll expect even better input from you, understood?"

"I…" Finn hesitated, "6 months of work in a week?"

"You don't need to catch up on everything, I trust Rae to know what's important for you to know."

"I'm not sure I can get it all done." He said finally.

"Finn, I have been doing this job for 34 years and in that time I have learned to gauge minds and students very well." She looked piercingly at him, "I do set the bar very high, and you will have to work to reach my standards, make no mistakes. I expect a lot from my students. And you are one of my students now." She was silent for a moment, letting that sink in. "But trust me when I say I have never yet set that bar too high for a student to get over it. You might think it's too high, but I know it's not." She said resolutely. "You have a keen and capable mind. You will get this work done and not only that, you will get it done easier than you thought you would and with time to spare. Understood?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"It's Mrs Vines." She said firmly, "and you're dismissed."

"Thanks Mrs Vines." Rae said taking the notes from Finn and heading to the door.

"You're welcome Rae. I look forward to seeing the results of your teaching." She turned to her desk and Finn followed Rae out the door, slightly shell-shocked.

He had started reading 1984 in the break; his hand unconsciously tracing out words and passages from the book on Rae's thigh while her and Archie and Izzy joked, with Chloe sitting quietly, smiling almost happily. His eyes devoured the words, his mind followed the plot fairly easily; so far Rae's favourite book was far easier to understand than her favourite play. He didn't notice Archie giving him a strange look and turning to Rae for an explanation, but he did hear Rae's response.

"Got a week to catch up on 6 months of work." She told them, and he heard the sounds of sympathy Archie made before he allowed his focus to return to the book and its drab grey world and the only character he'd met in this world so far: Winston. When it was time to head back in for science, he put 1984 in his back pocket, all of Rae's other books were carefully put in his bag and he walked her to her class.

"Everyone always talks about Big Brother watching… I didn't know it were from a book." He said thoughtfully.

"Well yeah." Rae said softly, "the lexicon of 1984 has made it into our modern vernacular." She said effortlessly and Finn frowned, she saw his face and smiled. "Mrs Vines said that last week." She explained, "I had to look up lexicon and vernacular." She laughed. Finn chuckled.

"I'm glad it's not just me."

"It's not." She reassured him, "advanced English is hard. But it's more interesting. It gets me thinking. I like that."

"Aye." Finn agreed, feeling 1984 burning a hole in his back pocket; he actually wanted to read it. He kissed her at the door to her classroom and headed off to science.

"How'd she get the bruise?" Finn looked over to see that Phillip had taken up step beside him. "I noticed it right away. And all the scratches. Were just waiting for the right time to ask you." Finn stopped walking and turned to Phillip.

"You are asking for trouble." Finn said in a low, dangerous voice.

"No, I'm asking if you hit her." Phillip continued, unperturbed. "You think I just got a crush, but I actually care about her. She's a good lass. And she don't deserve a twat like you."

"Well that's her choice isn't it?" Finn's mouth twisted upwards.

"You expect me to believe that you respect her choices?" Phillip asked honestly, "you're so jealous and controlling." He shook his head, "did she get all banged up trying to get away from you?"

"Fuck off Phil." Finn turned to walk away.

"Oh, you remember my name now don't you?" He asked defiantly. Finn turned back to him.

"You need to back the fuck off boy." Finn threatened.

"Or what?" Phillip said with a grin, "hit me, and you'll upset her, and you know it. Because the only person that can tell me to get out of Rae's life is Rae. And she hasn't said that."

"Not yet."

"You gonna make her say it?"

"I don't need to. She'll see you for what y'are in her own time." Finn started to walk away.

"I heard you cheated on her." Phillip called after him. Finn turned again, his eyes narrowed. "Made out with her best mate." He derided.

_How could he possibly know that?_

_The only time we've talked about it was at my place, and here when we told Izzy, but the hall was empty when we did that. _

"Are you fucking stalking her?" Finn asked violently, closing the distance between himself and Phillip in an instant, his fist closed around the collar of Phillip's shirt.

"Finn?" Ms Verna asked from the door of her classroom. Finn let go of Phillip's shirt and noted the look of fear on his face with savage satisfaction.

"To be fucking continued. Phillip." Finn said softly and walked away, heading into his science class.

_'Slip Slide Melting' by For Love Not Lisa_

"I hope you don't mind?" Finn looked supremely uncomfortable and Elsa raised her eyebrows looking at Rae sitting in the car.

"Rae's mother called the school to tell us what happened. I understand why you brought her. I don't mind. But it looks to me like you do." Finn sighed.

"I just um…" He scratched his eyelid softly and sucked his bottom lip. "You know…" He fidgeted. Elsa looked back over at Rae.

"She's worried about what you're saying." Finn resisted the urge to turn and look, "Stop fidgeting, it makes you look like you're guilty of something. And you're not." Finn took a deep breath.

"It's just that, you are…" he looked everywhere but at Elsa, "I dunno…" he shook his head and Elsa waited for him to find his words, "I feel close to you and I don't want her to worry." He said finally, "cos she got nothing to worry about… but she always worries anyway."

"Well you're making her worry now because of your actions." Elsa said as she motioned for Rae to come in. "If she has nothing to worry about, act like it." She finished as Rae got out of the car.

"Come in I'll make you a cuppa." Elsa said as Rae approached the house, carrying her bag. Finn was loaded up with paint and his equipment.

His eye fell to the door the minute Elsa closed it. He remembered slamming Elsa into that door viciously. Rae was standing near that door now.

_This is gonna do me head in._

Finn quickly turned away and went to the laundry to put the paint there and retrieve the undercoat and sandpaper. Without a word he went to the spare bedroom and pulled out the set of drawers. He had laid down the newspaper before Rae found him.

"Elsa's on the phone." She said as she sat down on the bed. "Big fucking hole!" She laughed at the patched up hole as Finn stripped down to his singlet.

"You have to make 'em bigger to fix 'em." He said and lit a cigarette.

"She got a nice house." Rae got comfortable on the bed.

"Yeah." Finn said as he went through his bag to find his sanding block.

"Izzy said that if she were single she might have at a girl like Elsa!" Rae joked.

"Well that came outta fucking nowhere." Finn shook his head.

"But she's right." Rae persisted. "Girls like Janice and Elsa… they make a girl question her sexuality!" Rae laughed.

"Ha!" Finn laughed awkwardly and wrapped the sandpaper around the block.

"If I weren't with you… I'd probably have a bit of a crush on her." Rae grinned and Finn cleared his throat.

"Is that right?" Finn started sanding the patched up hole feeling his insides churn. He'd done things to Elsa, and now Rae was talking about how attractive she was. This was not ok.

"But I am with you… so my latent bisexual tendencies will never be explored." She mock lamented and Finn scoffed, his heart hammering in his chest when he thought back to what he had done in this house. "Unless of course we go for a threesome!" She said in mock seriousness.

"What?" Finn's voice hit a higher octave than he would have like and he stopped sanding and turned to her.

"Threesome?" Rae joked.

"I don't think so." Finn turned back to the sanding and scrubbed the wall furiously.

"But isn't that every guy's fantasy though?" Her voice had a slight undertone of vulnerability, but mostly she was genuinely curious about what Finn wanted sexually, even something like this. Finn sighed, trying to sound disinterested and desperately tried to stop his mind from going to where it was inevitably heading; images of Rae and Elsa kissing. He stopped that thought immediately. And knew he'd have to answer Rae so he turned to her, thinking about what to say.

"It don't matter, Elsa don't fuck students." He said with a grin, thinking he'd successfully deflected the topic. He started to turn back to the wall but saw Rae's eyes narrow.

"How d'you know that?"

In his mind, Finn saw Elsa come strolling in, telling Rae that he knew because she'd told him that when he'd tried to fuck her. But that didn't happen and Rae went on, "I know lots o' teachers have sex with their students." Finn shrugged, trying to look natural and unaffected by this conversation.

"I just know Elsa got good morals." He said softly.

"Alright well… not with Elsa… but… would you want…" Rae's voice was more vulnerable now, not playing around. "Would you want'a do that?"

"What's brought this up Rae?" Finn asked, still not wanting to answer, his mind forcing images of Rae and Elsa into his head. He stopped sanding to focus on getting rid of that idea; his teeth gritting in a whole new kind of frustration.

_Thanks for putting that thought in me head, Rae._

"Chloe's got-"

"Oh fucking Chloe, Right." He shook his head and went back to sanding.

"Not her! Her magazine! Was talking about male fantasies and stuff."

"Right." Finn didn't turn around, he kept sanding and smoking moodily. Rae had talked about shit in Chloe's magazines before. It was never a fun experience.

"Said that most men want their girls to make out with other girls… and you know… have threesomes with two girls." Rae watched his back as he worked, his arms flexing, his body simply perfect. she was looking for a sign of what he really thought. "Do you want that…?" She prodded carefully. Finn turned to her and leaned against the wall. "Have you ever thought about it?" She added.

"Yes." He said honestly, "I've thought about it." He had decided a while ago that he would not lie to Rae as much as possible.

"Do you wanna do it?"

"I honestly don't know." He said. "Part of me is disgusted by the idea of anyone touching you apart from me." He sucked on his cigarette, "and part of me isn't interested in other girls, and I don't want 'em touching me." He looked at her and smiled guiltily, "but part of my thinks 'bloody hell – threesome! Yes please!' " She laughed and he was relieved by her response.

"What about with two boys?" She asked and Finn screwed up his face in consideration.

"Well… again; don't want other people touching you. Not sure how I feel about lads touching me." He paused for a moment, "but if you wanted to… I… dunno…" he shrugged, "it's still a threesome!" He laughed. "But it's not something that…" He paused thinking, "it's not something that I wanna do right now." He said finally. "Like maybe in 50 years time when I've finished doing all the different things that I want'a do to you… then we can consider it." She grinned.

"50 years?"

"Oh aye." He said with a dirty grin, "I gotta lot of experimenting to do with you Miss Earl."

"I like how perverted y'are." She said saucily and he sighed.

"You still on it aren't you?" She nodded. "Fucking hell. Will it ever end?" He turned back to the sandpapering and sighed in sexual frustration. "Stop reading Chloe's magazines!" He laughed.

"Well I gotta get in your head somehow." She said, "I never would o' thought to ask about it if I hadn't read it."

"Oh fuck… fine… read them all and torture me with them!" He chuckled.

"I will."

Elsa sauntered in the room with two cups of tea for them, just as Rae was about to speak again.

"How are you holding up with this wanker stalking you?" She asked directly, as she sat down in the chair and lit a cigarette.

"Alright. Finn's looking after me."

"Good." She replied, "as soon as I heard I just thought, oh god men are gross." Finn didn't even bother to feel offended, he knew that she meant particular men; the kind of men that would do this. And he agreed.

"Could it be a girl?" Rae asked, the thought having just occurred to her.

"Unlikely." Elsa said with sigh, "it does happen though." Finn finished sanding and turned to see Elsa leaning back in her chair her long legs extended to be up on the set of drawers he'd moved, a cigarette held to her lips and Rae, leaning forward, a glorious flash of cleavage showing over her top, her full lips slightly parted as she thought.

The image of them kissing came to him again. Kissing and turning to him, inviting him in.

"We'll be out of your hair soon." He said to Elsa with gritted teeth as he opened the undercoat and started to prep for painting. Furious at his mind for not letting it go. This was a thought he'd never had before. And now that it was there, it was staying put.

_Ugh. Fucking Chloe's magazines. _

_Fucking threesomes._

_With Rae and Elsa._

_Fuck._

_It's alright, just don't think about it, don't try to force it out o' your head, that'll just make it stay._

_Be calm._

_Fuck Rae's tits look good in that top._

Finn looked up at Rae's chest again, she was taking a breath and the round curvature of them was straining at top of her shirt.

_Bloody hell._

His eyes stayed, transfixed on her breasts, moving as she breathed in and out.

"I don't mind. I actually wanted to talk to you Rae. I got these friends, Scott, Richard and Wanda… and I wonder if you'd like to meet them." Finn furrowed his eyebrows as Elsa spoke, bringing him out of his reverie.

_Isn't she fucking them…?_

_What?_

"They run a Shakespeare festival in London at the end of every year, and they're adding a run of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. But they're doing a gender bender version, and they need someone to play their Rosencrantz. I think you'd do an excellent job, and I'd count the performance towards your second year grade." She said hopefully.

"Oh I dunno." Rae said, obviously tempted.

"They're doing rehearsals once a week on a Friday night."

"I couldn't get to London."

"They agreed to do it here if you audition for the role and get it."

"I hate performing." Rae said softly.

"But you love that play." Finn watched on, impressed at Elsa's ability to tempt people into doing things. He noticed Rae, silent, considering, unsure. He knew she'd love it and it'd be good for her.

"You was right about me in English." Finn said softly.

"I know."

"I've already read half o' 1984 and I only been in the class one day!" Elsa smiled knowingly and turned her eyes back to Rae.

"Maybe I'll give it a go." She said softly.

"I can help out backstage, yeah?" Finn asked, helping Rae feel more confident about her decision.

"I'll be doing the stage direction and I will need a few stage hands."

"Count me in." Finn smiled.

"But I'd rather have you play Gertrude. I think they're renaming her Gerry." Finn froze. "I'm joking, they've already cast all the male actors." He let out a big breath and Elsa laughed at him.

"Stage hand it is then." He shook his head.

"You looked so terrified!" Rae laughed.

"Aye! Gertrude speaks in Shakespearean… I'd never remember them lines!" Finn laughed.

Elsa gave Rae more details about the play and Finn rolled on a layer of undercoat.

"Elsa," Rae asked as Elsa finished writing down a few phone numbers, "why d'you have a tattoo of grass on your ankle?" Elsa looked down at her left inner ankle at the tattoo and smiled sadly.

"For a lot of my early life Rae, I suffered a lot of abuse and my body was not my own."

"I'm sorry." Rae said softly.

"Don't be." Elsa shook her head. "When I reached my lowest point, after all these things had happened to me, I realised that I was still standing. Somehow." She lit another cigarette. "So I ditched the guy who was half starving me to try and get me into a size 6 dress and decided that I owned my own body. And no one else would ever own it but me." She smiled retrospectively, "I was walking down the street, with everything I owned in two suitcases, an empty stomach and frail, tiny body and I saw this little bit of grass, growing through the fucking concrete!" She grinned, her eyes still seeing the past, "and I knew I was like that grass. I can grow anywhere. Nothing will stop me. I'm indestructible." She looked at Rae, "so with the last of my money, I reclaimed my body, by marking it with this tattoo of grass." She looked down at it, "I have several tattoos now. They're like my armour. They remind me that my body is mine to do with what I want, and no one can take it from me. No matter what."

"You're so beautiful." Rae breathed, moved by her story.

"So are you Rae!" She smiled honestly.

Finn bit the inside of his mouth and decided to do a second coat even though he knew he shouldn't. Rae shook her head, but not with the same level of disbelief she used to always have.

"People call me ugly all the time." Rae said softly.

"But you're not. And people that say otherwise are wrong."

"Everyone says otherwise." Rae said softly and Elsa's eyes went to Finn, who had turned around.

"We both know that's not true." Rae opened her mouth to speak but Elsa shook her head "There was a time Rae, that most people thought that the earth was flat. They were wrong. Just because most people think something – it doesn't mean they're right." She looked over at Finn who was packing up grumpily. "But it will take a long time for you to really know that." She said meaningfully and Finn nodded slightly, understanding. Rae lowered her eyes, feeling guilty about what she'd said because of how hard Finn worked to tell her she was beautiful. She thought back to what she'd said to Kester; she was always throwing everything Finn did for her, back in his face.

"Do you know, I used to get called ugly all the time." Rae scoffed in disbelief but Elsa kept going, "I was called ugly when I was fatter than I am now, when I was thinner than I am now, and I still get called ugly as I am right now. It doesn't matter what you look like, someone will call you ugly."

"I've only ever seen guys drooling over you." Rae disagreed.

"Well since I've been confident in myself that is something that happens a lot more. People that used to call me ugly now think I'm not, even though nothing's changed about me. And those that still do think I'm ugly, well I'm not here to please everyone am I? I've got one life and I want to live it for myself." She drew on her cigarette. Rae looked up at her.

"Thanks Elsa."

Finn held his tongue and left the room to clean the roller brush.

"I'm gonna have to apologise to him."

"No you won't." Elsa smiled, "He gets it." She explained, "He gets you."

They hadn't said a word about the things she'd said at Elsa's. They just fallen into bed when they'd gotten back to her place. Finn spent an hour kissing her lips and whispering gently to her; telling her everything about her that was beautiful, from her eyes, to the curve other stomach to the compassion she had for others.

As she lay there, his lips either on hers or just millimetres from hers telling her how beautiful she was, Rae realised that this was making love in the most pure sense. And that every word he said was a declaration of his love for her. Every time he stroked her hair, he said 'I love you Rae, I need you Rae, stay with me Rae'.

Her mind stayed still, stayed focussed on his face, on his voice, on his smell, as he made love to her in a way that she had never experienced; with just words.

_'Loco' by Coal Chamber_

Finn's mouth travelled urgently down her neck as a hand went up her top, she groaned, her whole body aching for him. He groaned louder.

"I want you so fucking bad." He breathed, she moaned in sympathy.

"Get off each other you two." Chop tapped Finn in the lower back and Finn had to force himself to stop kissing her.

"Warm up!" Chop threw the gloves at Finn and he caught them and turned to Rae to give her another kiss before heading over to Chop. Izzy and Chloe dawdled over looking very unimpressed.

"I didn't even know that there was 5am." Izzy yawned and sat down on the floor. Chloe plonked down beside her, bleary eyed and unimpressed.

Rae stayed standing, watching with furrowed brows how hard Finn was punching the pads Chop was holding.

"Fuck! Alright mate!" Chop made him stop and shook out his hand. "Fuck. That hurt."

"Pads up!" Finn ordered and Chop gave him a glare.

"Sure you don't want the bag?"

"Nope. Let's spar." Finn sunk down into a fighting stance and stretched his neck.

"Not if you're gonna punch that fucking hard." Chop complained.

"C'mon!" Finn goaded him and Chop got some gloves.

"Alright then." Chop bent his knees slightly, standing side facing to Finn, his fists raised.

"Ready?" Finn asked. And Chop nodded.

A fast, brutal and high energy sparring session followed. Finn bloodied Chop's mouth and copped a hard kidney punch for it. Chop threw a punch and Finn ducked it, swinging in to punch Chop's ribs. Hard. Chop backed up and took a moment to get his breath, maintaining eye contact and fighting stance.

"What the fuck's up your arse?" He asked and then he feigned a punch but instead used his leg to sweep Finn's legs out from under him; a move Finn had taught Chop and Archie only a few days ago. Finn hit the ground hard but was up like a shot, a high kick aimed at Chop's head barely blocked, driving Chop to his knees.

"Ok, no kicking!" Izzy called.

"You heard her." Chop said and Finn nodded in agreement.

Archie wandered over and watched the fierce fighting continue. Both Finn and Chop were sweating, grunting with the force of their punches. But Chop was yet to land a good one on Finn's face.

"What the fuck's going on?"

"This is what happens when you're late and we're forced to wait." Izzy hit his shin.

"I don't see how this is my fault."

"Well Finn seems to be in a pretty shitty mood." Chloe said and Izzy and Archie looked at her then up to Rae. Chloe realised that she shouldn't be noticing Finn and looked down.

"It's alright." Rae said, "He is in a shitty mood." Rae thought about the fight with his father and thought Finn still had a lot to work through.

"You still on it?" Archie asked, figuring that Finn was working out his sexual frustrations.

"What?" Rae turned to him and Archie realised what a big mistake he'd made.

"I mean…" Izzy shook her head, but Chloe didn't hear, she was too busy trying to feel ok with being around both Finn and Rae.

"Did he tell you?" She said in shock. Archie could only nod his head. "FINN NELSON!" She yelled at him and he turned his worried face to her the minute he heard her. Chop was mid-way through throwing a punch when Finn turned to Rae, and he landed it on the side of Finn's head knocking him to the ground. Everyone gasped and Rae rushed over to him as he sat up and tried to clear his head by shaking it. He put a hand to where Chop had hit him.

"That was a good one." He looked up at Chop and then to Rae. "I'm alright."

"I'm sorry!" She said with panic and he shook his head with a grin, "wait, no I'm not – you told Archie!"

"Told Archie what?" She glared at him, not wanting to say it. They sat in silence, giving each other a look, Finn confused, Rae willing him to just know.

"That I'm…" She nodded, "on it." She said softly after a long pause.

"Oh he told me that too." Chop said. Rae turned an annoyed face to Chop and then back to Finn.

"You told the girls I got a nice cock." He said innocently and Rae narrowed her eyes at him as he grinned, knowing he'd just gotten himself out of trouble.

"What?" Chop asked and looked at Izzy. "Girls talk about that stuff?" He sounded equally horrified and excited by the idea. Izzy nodded as if breaking a terrible truth to him. Archie started to laugh.

"What are you laughing at?" Chloe asked.

"I'm the only one here that no one can talk about." He said.

"Except for you putting your hand on me boob the first time we kissed." Rae shot at him and he blushed, everyone but Finn laughing.

"Yeah but no one's talking about his dick!" Chop said with an unimpressed look. "You talk about that stuff?" He asked Izzy again.

"Just a little." She said guiltily.

"Fuck." He said shaking his head slowly. And then he suddenly shrugged, "I'm gonna feel a lot less guilty when I brag about shagging you now." He grinned, "you go for it Iz!" She smiled as he came over to give her a kiss. Rae turned her eyes to Finn.

"D'you brag?" Finn tried to pick his back teeth with his tongue and looked at everything but Rae, trying to think what the best answer was.

"Fuck yes he does." Chop said as he looked down at Izzy with a grin. He turned to look at them and raised his eyebrows. Rae looked at Finn and he grinned guiltily.

"Only a little." Chop scoffed. "And not at school." Finn tried to say over Chop's scoff.

"That' not what Rick said." Chop said, "In for a penny in for a pound." He said at Finn's incredulous face. "Might as well just come clean." Finn shook his head at Chop's idiocy. "And while we're at it. Rick says that it's going all round your school that you cheated on Rae with Chloe." Chloe lowered her eyes and covered her face and Rae turned to look at Chloe and then Finn, "apparently you fucked her." Chop said, "I told him it were bullshit." He shrugged.

"Oh no." Rae said softly and Finn took her hands as Chop kept talking.

"Anyway. I was thinking." He took a good look at Izzy, then Chloe, then Rae. "That there's been a lot o' dickhead guys around. So I rounded up the lads and we figured that we could teach you girls some self-defence stuff, so you can beat the shite outta those dickhead guys. That's why we brought you here!" Chop said with a grin. But none of the girls were interested in self-defence right now.

"Who started it?" Izzy asked understanding how bad this was for Rae.

"Phillip." Finn popped that last p, but this time in anger.

"You can't know that." Rae said.

"I wish you'd stop sticking up for him!" Finn exclaimed, "I know ok? He told me he knew yester." He shook his head angrily.

"Alright but who told him about it?" Rae reasoned with him.

"Wait." Chop said, seeing Chloe crying, "Are you telling me this actually happened?"

"Kinda." Rae answered.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Finn?" Chop asked accusingly. Izzy nodded her head agreeing with Chop.

"It weren't me!" Finn answered.

"It's always you!" Chop said, "Like it would always be me!" Chop said, "Guys need to keep their dicks under control!" Chop said angrily, "and why are you fucking forgiving him?" He asked Rae angrily.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Finn got to his feet and squared up against Chop.

"It was me!" Chloe said crying, "I did it ok?" She sniffed, "I kissed him, he stopped me right away. He did nothing wrong, I'm the slut. It's my fault."

"No Chloe." Rae said firmly, "I am not gonna blame you." Finn bit the inside of his lip and watched Rae went to her. "You acted out in trauma and self-harm. And that's what you're doing right now. No one in the gang is going to blame you for doing that. Or blame Finn for being the person you tried to hurt yourself with." Rae said firmly, as much to Chloe as to everyone else. Chloe reached out her arms for Rae and Rae hugged her. Chop nodded an apology to Finn who shrugged. Izzy mouthed the word 'sorry' to Finn and he smiled wanly. Archie watched Rae proud of her actions and thinking that his analogy about Bruce Banner was what made it happen.

"It was me." Chloe stuttered to Rae.

"No Chloe, it's alright." She said softly, stroking her hair.

"I told Liam." She said softly. The silence that followed that was broken only by Chloe's sniffs. Finn sucked his teeth moodily and stared off. Izzy reached over and started to comfort Chloe as Rae pulled back a little.

"Why would you do that?" Finn asked moodily, unable to contain it.

"We were comparing the shit things we'd done to Rae." She wiped her face, "I wanted his to be worse than mine." She lowered her eyes, ashamed, "but it wasn't." Finn looked at Rae.

"Yes it was," Rae said softly. "And I've forgiven you Chloe." She said and hugged her again. "Although I don't know how I'm ever going back to school." She shook her head, "they already talk enough about me. This'll just…"

_They'll all say he dumped the fat ugly girl for the skinny pretty one._

"I didn't think he'd tell anyone." Chloe said, "I'm so sorry Rae." Archie looked over at Finn's livid face. He wasn't buying what Chloe was saying. That or the mere mention of Liam sent him into a rage. Either could be true, really.

"Why don't we just skip school today?" Archie asked. "Chop, you call in sick… and we'll just all hang out here."

"We can blame the stalker." Izzy said.

"What?" Archie said.

"We can say Rae got something else scary and she needed us all."

"Right," Chop answered, "I'll just tell work I got the brown squirts." He grinned, "they never ask for any details," He went over to the payphones.

"Right I gotta go to the loo." Rae said, needing a moment to gather herself. She got up and left without looking back.

"Chloe." Finn's voice was thick with rage.

"Finn…" Archie tried to calm him.

"What did Liam do to Rae?" He asked and Izzy put a protective arm over Chloe's shoulders. Archie looked over to Chop; Finn's anger was barely contained and he needed something to punch. Chop with the pads was good for that.

Chloe turned her eyes to Rae, just entering the women's bathroom on the other side of the building.

"I don't even know if I believe you." His eyes bore into her, "you might'a just done it to try and fuck me and Rae up again. Wouldn't surprise me." His voice was bitter and angry.

"Finn!" Izzy said in surprise.

"You want me to believe that you didn't mean to fuck us up? You tell me what Liam told you."

"C'mon mate." Archie said gently.

"You tell me." He hadn't moved towards her; he'd barely moved at all. She looked at Izzy and Archie.

"I can't say it in front o' them."

"Bugger off you two." Finn kept his eyes on Chloe.

"No!" Izzy said.

"It's alright." Chloe said. "Go see what's holding up Chop?" They reluctantly left. All around them the grunts and impact sounds of fighting could be heard. Finn calmly moved and sat down in front of her.

"Tell me what he did to her."

"He made her fuck with her clothes on." Finn nodded.

"I know that." He thought back to therapy.

"He told her she weren't no oil painting." Chloe watched the fiery rage in his eyes grow in intensity.

"What else?"

"He told her that you were lying every time you said she was beautiful, you were lying." Chloe lowered her eyes, ashamed, and also not wanting to say anymore. "He said that you couldn't understand or know her cos she too mental and you only use your dick or something like that. I don't proper remember." She looked up at him, his anger was burning terrifyingly bright, but she knew she had to tell him everything she knew. "He said that because she was crazy like him, she belonged with him, that it could never work out with you. That she didn't fit in your world. And he grabbed her… touched her. Covered her mouth." And then that fiery rage in his eyes turned to solid ice. "Please don't tell Rae I told you."

"I won't." He said softly. "But Izzy or Archie probably will." He seemed abnormally calm and Chloe found it frightening.

"What are you gonna do to Liam?"

"I don't know." He answered calmly. Rae was heading back over and Izzy, Archie and Chop took that as their cue to also head over.

"This is the last time you and me will spend time alone Chloe." Finn said softly, "there can never be another chance for something like that to happen again. There can never be a hint of it. I can never give Rae even the slightest reason to doubt me."

"I understand." Chloe said, "And I agree." She nodded and he met her eyes for a moment before turning himself towards Rae.

"What's going on?" Rae asked.

"I didn't believe her." Finn said in a monotone. "So I asked her some questions."

"Do you believe me now?" Chloe asked miserably.

"I dunno." He said, "Which is better than outright not believing you." He said honestly.

"Finn, I believe her, and that's what matters." Rae sad firmly.

"Alright." He looked up at her, "you're stunningly beautiful by the way." He said honestly and she smiled.

"Thanks." She looked over at the others. "Why were they over there?

"I told them to check out what was taking Chop so long." Chloe answered.

"Ok." Rae figured that she didn't need to worry about Chloe trying anything with Finn in this public a place, so she put it from her mind.

"Right motherfuckers!" Chop had decided to be the master of changing topics when Izzy had told him what was being said between Chloe and Finn. "Let's do self-defence!" Finn jumped up, a cold, dead weight in his chest. Chloe stood up slowly, wanting the subject to change as much as Chop did. Izzy's eyes travelled warily between Finn and Chloe. Finn gave her a reassuring smile and she grinned, relieved.

"So the first thing we is gonna learn, is how to escape if someone is holding you from behind!"

"I dunno." Rae said reluctantly.

"I insist." Finn said calmly. She made a whining noise and he turned his eyes to her, "please."

"Alright." She moaned and let him grab her from behind. Chop started to talk about how to get out of the hold while Izzy was in his grasp.

"I don't feel very motivated to get out of this hold." Rae laughed and let her hands reach behind her to feel Finn's cock through his pants. He stifled a groan and felt himself instantly respond to her touch.

"Alright then you fucking fuckers!" Chop said, "We'll swap." Finn, despite wanting to keep his arms around her acquiesced and went to Izzy without an argument. He wanted Rae to learn this stuff.

Rae was the first to throw off her 'assailant' and Chop landed on the floor with a heavy thud.

"Well done!" He bounced back up, "again!" Finn looked over to watch Rae's form.

"Swap back." He said to Chop and Chop agreed without a word. "Square your hips more or you might hurt your back." Finn said softly and she nodded, he grabbed her from behind and, using his weight against him, like Chop had taught her, she threw him off instantly. He thudded to the ground and looked back up at her.

"Great." He grinned, feeling incredibly attracted to her. "Let's try that again." He said as Chloe managed to throw Archie.

"I'm never gonna get this!" Izzy moaned.

"Your centre of balance is lower than theirs. You're thinking too high. Think of dance classes." Chloe said, her eyes more alive than they'd been in days. "Throw him from your cunt." She said. The boys laughed in shock and Izzy turned her eyes to Rae who nodded.

"Well, the pelvis." She corrected.

"But cunt sounds stronger." Chloe grinned and Rae laughed.

"Yeah, throw him from your cunt Izzy." Rae merrily agreed.

"I can't even say that word!" She blushed. But when Chop put his arms back around her, she concentrated on feeling her centre of gravity at the core of her and found it easier to understand where his weight was distributed, and she threw him over her shoulder perfectly.

"Yes!" She jumped on the spot. "That's from my… cunt." She whispered the last word and giggled triumphantly.

_'Time Bomb' by Nick Barker_

"When did you start going out with Liam?" Finn asked after a long silence. Kester turned his eyes to Rae, the cigarette in his hand sending tendrils of smoke upward in beautiful patterns that Rae had been watching in the silence.

Finn's mood had been swinging wildly all day. He was horny for her, cranky, distant, loving, a billion different things rolled up into one.

Izzy had quietly breathed to her that Finn had rather rudely demanded that Chloe tell him what Liam had said to her about Rae. Rae had groaned silently and Izzy had given her a sympathetic hug, before taking off with Chop, leaving her alone with moody Finn. She knew that none of his anger was aimed at her. Understood that he was as enamoured with her as ever. But worried that his fury and hatred towards Liam had reached a level from which he couldn't come back now.

They had sat in therapy silently for 10 minutes. Rae had given Kester a look and nodded at Finn's grumpy outline as he stood at the window glaring out at the world.

When he had finally spoken, Rae was not surprised that he was asking about Liam.

"After you went to Leeds."

"So you weren't with him the whole time like Chloe said?"

"No."

"So why'd she say that?" He shook his head, "trying to fuck us up even when we was apart." He said angrily.

"Liam kissed me after he had a panic attack." Rae said, "When he was still with Amy. I kissed him back. I don't even know why. I didn't really fancy him." She watched him clench his fists slightly, "I felt guilty. So I told Amy." She shrugged. "Chloe had taken a punch for me cos she believed me when I said there was nothing between us." Rae looked over at him, "She must have felt real betrayed. Thought the worst." Finn thought about it for a while.

"It wouldn't o' happened if I hadn't o' gone." He said to himself.

Kester waited silently for this mood of Finn's to bear fruit. Rae knew that today's session wold likely focus all on Finn.

"I don't really want you to be friends with Liam anymore." He said softly as he sat down, "but I know I can't order you not to be. It's your choice." He looked over to her, "but I need to know why you still care about him?"

"I met him at a time when I was really vulnerable." She said.

"Uh huh." Finn said, his tongue probing his back teeth again, his anger rising because he knew Liam took advantage of her vulnerability.

"I met him at a time, when I needed someone like me to hang around. I thought he were like me. I still think he is; in some ways." She pulled a thread from her skirt, "he made me feel like I could get over my mental illness cos he were so alive and still mad like me. But in the end… I think he likes being fucked up. And I don't." She watched him light a cigarette, "I guess I still care about him because I saw so much of myself in him… so I hope he can get well… cos it'll mean I can. I have to believe there's a chance." Finn nodded slowly.

"I'm gonna throttle him to within an inch of his life if I see him near you." He said calmly. "And I'll take that last inch if he hurts you."

"You can't tell me that I can make my own decisions then take that decision from me like that." Rae countered.

"That's not what I'm meaning to do." Finn said, "It's how I feel though."

"Izzy told me about…" Rae looked down, "what did Chloe tell you?" She looked into his eyes, seeing the icy rage.

"Enough." Finn said.

"About the oil painting thing?" He nodded. "About the stuff he said to me under that tree?" He nodded, "about the way we had sex?" Finn slowly shook his head and Rae took a deep breath.

"Ok." She breathed. Finn looked at her expectantly. "You want me to tell you?" He nodded and she looked away. "The first thing we ever did was a blow job." Finn clenched his jaw and felt his hands wanting to ball into fists. "I hadn't done anything like that before and he commented that it was obvious and was pretty mean about telling me what he wanted. He came and it got in me eye and it hurt and he thought it were funny." She felt her leg jittering angrily. "I nearly puked when he came all over me face." She bit her lip and shook her head, "didn't warn me it were coming. And when I'd wiped me face he showed me the door and said 'thanks for that' didn't even offer me a fucking glass o' water. And then he didn't talk to me for a bit. Like, you know, I'd served me purpose." Finn stood up suddenly and went to the window angrily, he grabbed hold of the sill, hard, his knuckles white. "That were the night you left." Finn felt his inside burning with rage. "Then I saw him at group therapy and… he were nice to me again." She sighed, "After I realised what a bitch I'd been to Chloe, I went to his house again. You know, I'd failed you the first time. And I used him to punish myself. And this time I'd failed Chloe." She fidgeted and looked up at Kester who nodded encouragingly. "He knew it were me first time. I had a dress on. We only took me underwear off. It were the only part o' me he were interested in. I turned the light off, told him that neither of us were oil paintings." Finn felt his nostrils flair. "He thrust in pretty hard. It hurt. But that's I wanted so… it were ok. Didn't last long… didn't ask what I wanted or what I liked." Rae shrugged, "he were using my… I can't even say body…. He we just using my vagina to make himself cum. He rolled over and face the wall and slept for the rest o' the night when he'd done it. I laid awake thinking about how close I'd come to me first time being with you…" Rae felt a tear drip on her hand and she wiped her face absent-mindedly, "he asked if it were alright in the morning. He were almost pleasant. I told it him it were perfect." Rae finished and took a deep breath. It felt surprisingly good to get all of that out. Finn wanted to punch something. Hard. Kester noticed the anger. He stood up and walked over to Finn, he took Finn's hands and pulled him into a slight embrace.

"What are you doing?" He asked angrily.

"Teaching you to Waltz." Kester said as if it were obvious.

"What?" Finn asked bewildered and angry, but felt himself pulled forward, he looked down at his feet and tried not to step on Kester's feet. Rae watched with her mouth open.

"There's a lot of ways to deal with anger." He said after Finn had focussed long enough on not stepping on hm. "One of the ways is to physicalise it. You've learned to do that with your fists." Kester said, "You father sending you to boxing wouldn't have helped." Finn looked up at him, still confused. "You're the kind of young man that won't strike out at people who you feel don't deserve it." Kester smiled, "so I felt quite safe to teach you another way to physicalize your anger. Dance." He smiled absurdly. "You'll probably preferring jogging, but… I like dancing." Finn gave him a look that indicated how incongruous he deemed this to be, but learned the steps nonetheless. "And this is my office, so dancing it is." He made Finn take the lead a few minutes later, and sat back down a few minutes after that.

Finn sat down shaking his head, a disbelieving smile on his face.

"Alright, I'll try jogging next time I'm angry." He pulled a cigarette out but didn't light it yet, putting it behind his ear instead.

"Dancing's good too." Kester chucked and Finn couldn't help but chuckle too. "You'll notice that the anger isn't gone." Finn shook his head in response, "but it's more manageable now." Finn nodded. "It's ok for us to feel whatever we feel. It's how we respond to our feelings that matters. It's how we physicalise them, express them, how we let them affect our loved ones." Kester leaned back and folded his hands over his stomach, crossing his leg. "It's ok that you're angry. But what you do with it matters." He pointed at Finn's hands, "try not to use your fists unless you're in the gym." Finn nodded. "I feel that you physicalise a lot of your emotions?" Finn was struck with a memory of the conversation he'd had with Elsa and knew exactly what he meant.

"Rae and I had a lot of sex instead o' talking. But we're fixing that." He added, "But even now, I still kiss her instead of say all the things I want'a say. I think I'm getting better there too."

"How so?"

"Like I can tell her she me world now."

"How did you manage to improve the way you deal with your positive emotions?" Kester pulled at his ear. Rae was starting to think that he did that whenever he was on to something.

"I dunno." Finn said.

"What do you think Rae?" Kester asked her.

"We're both bad at it, cos we're worried what the other thinks and… I think we're getting over that cos… it's important."

"It's important." Finn agreed, "It's really important for Rae to know how much I care about her."

"Ok. So how do you think we can help you learn to express your negative emotions better?"

"I guess… I have to think they're important too?"

"It's harder to do that with negative emotions." Kester stated.

Finn leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling, he slouched so far down in the chair that his arse nearly came off the seat, his head rested on the top of the backrest, he stared at the ceiling, thinking.

"With positive feelings. I know what they're about." He said.

"They're uncomplicated?"

"Except for what like Rae said… you know, worry she'll think I'm a right git." He grinned, "but the feelings themselves are… uncomplicated." He agreed.

"And your anger?"

"I think it's uncomplicated. I want'a punch the shit out o' something." He scrunched up his face, "but…" He thought back over all of their therapy, "it's not that simple. I'm angry at Liam for hurting Rae. But there's more. I feel guilty for my part in that. And ashamed. And I hate that he got there first. And I hate that I think that way cos I should be thinking ore of how it were for Rae." He scratched his stomach through his shirt lazily, "and I hate that she got this connection with him and… there's just so much stuff happening."

"It's complicated."

"Aye."

"How much of it do you think has to do with your self-esteem? With you not thinking you're enough for Rae?" Finn paused for a long time and Kester turned an eye to Rae and gave her a quick smile. She returned it and looked at Finn.

"A lot." He said, "I know there's a lot of fear." He shrugged, "we covered that already."

"And if you focus on that, instead of the anger, which is more a symptom of that feeling… is it easier to express it?" Finn sat up and looked at Kester as if he had said something totally unexpected. He turned to Rae.

"I'm afraid Liam is just gonna hurt you again. And it makes me really angry, and I'm scared I'll hurt him. Badly." He said simply. "When I think about what he did to you, and I realise how much of it had to do with my failings, I'm scared that you'll start to blame me too, and you'll leave me." He looked at Kester, "easier, but more terrifying." He said with a small smile and turned back to Rae, "I'm scared that you love him. That you have a connection with him that you don't have with me. And that you love him, but you don't realise yet. I'm scared you'll leave because… I'm not as good as you." A tear fell down his face, "I'm scared of Liam and what you might feel for him." Finn wiped his palms on his jeans and got up. "I think I prefer the anger to this. Fear is… bad." He went to the window and lit a cigarette.

"Sometimes it's healthy to just be angry. But sometimes not. Sometimes anger is just masking other things."

"You have nothing to be afraid of." Rae said softly, "I don't love Liam. Alright?" Finn felt some of his fear lift and he nodded gratefully. But there was still an anger boiling in him.

"I'm still angry." Finn said softly.

"It takes time to work through it all." Kester acknowledged.

"It's getting easier to control my anger but." He turned to Rae, "There was a bunch o' guys at school talking about you, but I didn't punch 'em like I wanted to. I talked it out and realised how fucking pathetic they were… and I'm pretty sure that most of 'em wanna fuck you now." He smiled, "sorry."

"Probably not." She smiled and shook her head.

"Shall we try to address another issue Finn?" Kester leaned forward, "try to cut to the centre of the complicated feelings you're having to identify the important parts. Pick any topic you want."

"Phillip." Rae sighed and Finn turned his frustrated face to her.

"Phillip isn't an issue!"

"I don't like how you ignore me about this, Rae." Finn said, "He's an issue."

"Because you choose to make him one."

"He likes you, he told me he cares about you."

"I care about Chop, but I don't like him that way."

"Why do you refuse to see it?" Finn said exasperated. "He likes you!" Kester narrowed his eyes and waited for them to sort it out, hoping that it wouldn't escalate into an argument.

"Even if he does it don't matter!"

"Do you like him or something?"

"What?" Rae asked angrily. "Why would you say that?"

"Because you won't say no to him!" Rae looked confused.

"He hasn't asked me anything."

"But he has. Constantly. The way he treats you. He's silently asking you if he's got a chance."

"I don't see it Finn." She shook her head. "But even if he is… I haven't said yes, and that's what counts."

"Aye, and you haven't said no either."

"I don't understand the difference."

"Not saying yes, gives him some hope." Finn said, "Saying no, gives him no hope. It tells him you are unavailable."

"I'm fairly certain he knows I'm unavailable." Rae said snippily, "especially with the way you act around him."

"You're leaving him thinking there's a chance Rae. So I can't help but think that you like him." Finn looked around the room shaking his head, "I guess I'm angry and afraid of what that means."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you haven't said no to him… and because…" Finn shrugged as he tried to see the important stuff under all the complicate feelings, "he's brilliant… at everything you're brilliant at." He looked at her face. "Do you like him?"

"No."

"Then tell him no."

"No."

"Why?" Finn asked angrily.

"Because if you're wrong about how he feels and I tell him that I'm not interested, it's embarrassing."

"Wouldn't you-"

"Rae." Kester gently intervened as it escalated. "What do you like about Phillip?"

"He's nice. He says nice things to me. He likes me… as a friend… ok and maybe as more…" she shook her head, "ok. Ok…" She acknowledged, "it's flattering… that maybe –and I mean maybe! Maybe he likes me." Finn looked deeply unimpressed. "Don't look at me like that Finn!" Rae said, "You're the fittest boy in school, everybody likes you!" Rae sighed, "I've never had anyone have a crush on me."

"Um…" Finn said, "Me?" Rae paused, thinking through what she felt.

"I know… and that's the most important thing but… every girl in a 5 kilometre radius has wet knickers over you… I got one other boy that maybe might like me… you don't know what that's like."

"Ok…" Finn shook his head, "I don't know what it's like… but maybe you could tell me what it's like instead of keeping Phillip open as an option?"

"I haven't kept him open as an option."

"Well I can't see that."

"Nearly every conversation I have with Phil ends up with some sizeable part of it being about me gushing about how wonderful y'are." She shook her head, "don't matter what we talk about… 'Isn't O'Brien in 1984 a turd' 'yeah but you know who isn't? My Finn!' that how I talk." She laughed, "Chloe and Izzy have noticed that I have a special 'fantasizing about you' face that I pull!" She picked at her nails, "bloody hell Finn, everything's about you. It's a wonder you don't get bored o' me." She looked at him, "The reason I don't see Phil as a problem is that he puts up with me talking none stop about you, just like Chloe and Izzy do… and so does Archie actually… and occasionally Chop too." She said with an embarrassed grin.

"I know you don't like him." Finn acknowledged, "I just…" Finn shrugged, "some o' the stuff he said to me got under me skin."

"What did he say?"

"Ah don't worry about it. He were just trying to rile me up." He sucked his bottom lip for a minute, "and it worked."

"And why do you think it worked?"

"Cos I don't think I'm good enough for her. I got the point already." Finn said. "A lot of our problems come from my self-esteem issues. I got it."

"Not just yours." Rae said.

"So you see why getting to the important underlying feelings is important?" Kester said, "And why communicating that underlying feeling is important?"

"It makes the things that I thought were big problems seem pretty small." Finn admitted. "If I just stay angry, the problems seem much bigger. Like I can't get over them." He nodded again, "I got it. Point well and truly made." He said to Kester. Kester gave a small smile and turned to Rae.

"I was actually asking Rae that question."

"Because I confuse the issues… and Finn… with my silence." Rae said, "Because some of the stuff I do, and feel, doesn't make sense to him. I'm embarrassed by so much of what's in me… I'm scared o' what Finn'll think o' me… but every time I tell Finn stuff… he always understands and tries to help. And it makes me feel better. But more importantly, it makes him feel better."

"You're both equally important." Kester said and leaned forward, looking at both of them carefully. "The things that scare us, have less power over us, when we shine a light on them."

"But I'm still angry." Finn said softly.

"Dance it off." Kester joked. "Go for a hard run." He added seriously and Finn nodded, hoping, more than believing it would work.

_'Sanctified' by Nine Inch Nails_

Finn sunk down onto Rae's bed. The week was over. It was Friday afternoon and he had made it through the week. He hadn't been a very good boyfriend the past few days; he knew he was too moody. He'd also finished all of his cigarettes already. He watched Rae slip her shoes off and head to the bathroom.

_Look at the way her arse moves._

Finn watched her in deep frustration. He had never been this sexually frustrated in all of his life.

Not when he was 14 and fumbling over his first porno mag.

Not when he was 15 and couldn't get a girl to do anything with him.

Not when he was 16 and had been kicked out of Stacey's house after he'd gotten his cock so close to the prize.

Not when he was 17 and desperately trying to get into Miss Earl's pants.

No. It was now. Now that he had an extremely satisfying sex life that had been put on hold by a completely natural, cyclical event.

He was still 17, but now he'd gotten into Rae's pants and he knew what he was missing out on.

_This is gonna happen. _

_Every._

_Fucking._

_Month._

Finn put Rae's pillow over his head and groaned loudly into it.

He pulled the pillow off his face and opened his mouth to ask Rae if she were still on it.

_Don't pester her._

_You'll make her think you're only after one thing._

_Well right now I am._

"I need a fucking cold shower." He mumbled to himself and rubbed his face. He lifted up his pelvis and pulled 1984 out of his back pocket and settled in to finish he last few chapters. He was halfway through his essay for English already and had started Utopia as well, but found it really dry. He still had until Wednesday though, to trawl through that and the Handmaid's Tale.

He found it hard to concentrate at first, but eventually his sexual frustration eased as he read a book that he already felt was his favourite. He felt his brain waking up, seeing everything in the text, seeing its relevance for contemporary society, feeling the human undercurrent of despair.

Rae left the bathroom and leaned on the doorframe watching him read from a while. She leaned with one arm above her head, the other hand on her hip, her head dipping suggestively. She waited for a while, waited until she saw his sexual frustration leave him. Then she smiled evilly.

"Finn." She said softly and he looked over to her.

_Goddamnit Rae…_

She was standing completely naked in the doorway. Finn felt the fire of frustration burst to life in his gut and he groaned as she walked over to him and straddled him, gently taking 1984 out of his hands. She put his hands on her hips and leaned down to kiss him. He felt his fingers dig into her hips and stopped himself from squeezing too hard.

She'd slept naked next to him every night. Sometimes in her granny undies, sometimes with a tampon in and no underwear. It had been torture. Hell.

She'd teased him like this yesterday morning until he'd called her a dirty bitch and she'd laughed. She enjoyed how frustrated he was. Her teasing had become more and more seductive every day. She rubbed herself on him, sucked his cock, fucked his mouth with her mouth when they kissed.

Her hands found the zipper to his jeans and the sound of her ripping it down made him groan loudly.

"You are too sexy." He breathed as she reefed at his jeans. He helped her undress him and settled back for his nightly torturing. He loved it and hated it in equal measures.

Her kissing was particularly fervent, heated in an entirely new way and he felt his cock throbbing already, and she'd barely touched him.

Today's torture would be impossibly hard to bear. Her body moved above him rhythmically, her tongue insisted on tasting all of his skin, her hands stroked, caressed, scratched his skin.

"I want you." She breathed, looking him in the eye and he kissed her hard.

_Maybe we can do it anyway, even though she on it?_

_No Finn. She don't want to do it when she on it._

_You gotta wait till she not on it anymore._

_Get it together Finn._

He wrapped his arms around her body hard, trying to still her body; it was too much, he wanted her too much.

He could tell from the look in her eyes that she knew how badly he wanted her.

"Finn?" She asked with an impish grin. He groaned in response. "How close are you to just doing it anyway."

"Close." He breathed. "But I know you don't wanna." He gritted his teeth. "So I won't." He said with supreme self-control, his whole body aching painfully for her

"Let's get you closer." She whispered and he rolled his head back with a deep moan. She kissed his neck, but he kept hold of her body to still the grinding of her hips.

"Rae." He could barely make the word form in his mouth, he was losing his mind with desire for her, "you gotta stop." He said, worried that he might not stop. She smiled, seeing that he was as far as he could go before he lost himself completely. So she pressed her breasts into his chest, put her lips to his ears and tipped the scale over.

"I'm not on it anymore."

In an instant Finn had slammed her into the bed, him on top, fire in his eyes. She didn't know how he'd done it, but her legs were around his waist and he was inside her as deep as he could be. He made a deep sighing breath as he ground in to her as hard and deep as he could in a slow drawn out thrust. He reached his hand underneath her and took hold of her shoulders. He grinned dirtily at her and started to fuck her, using her shoulders to pull her onto him hard, while he thrust into her equally as hard. Rae cried out with pleasure as Finn hammered himself into her.

"Oh fuck." He knew he would cum too soon, but didn't even care. He'd be fucking her again in no time. He already knew that. He moaned loudly and came; a painfully long and exquisite orgasm. He was heaving, his breath coming in ragged gasp.

"You didn't cum." He said. She was panting, amazed by the way he'd just fucked her.

"I were close but."

"Good." He said, his cock still hard and still inside her. He took a deep breath and slowed down his heart rate before grabbing her shoulders harder and starting to pump into her again, his semen getting all over the bed and his groin. She groaned loudly and cried out his name, her fingers digging into his back as he curled his knees up under her arse to tilt her pelvis into a better position for her to cum. He knew the things that made her cum easier. He thrust hard, his fingers digging into her shoulders almost painfully. She came, swearing and screaming his name and he grinned, but he wasn't satisfied.

_Time for a bit o' revenge._

He was gonna make her cum so much she wouldn't be able to walk after. He reached his hand down to the mess between her legs and groaned, turned on that it was his mess, his cum all over her. He found her clitoris and rubbed it gently, his other arm still using her shoulder for leverage. She curled into him, her knees coming up around his sides, her head raised to his neck, her arms wrapped firmly around his back. She was whimpering and groaning in pleasure, but it wasn't enough, he sped up, his lungs starting to protest a little. She cried out, her whole body shuddering, her groans coming from deep inside of her. But Finn didn't stop rubbing her clitoris like he normally did when it got so sensitive that she could barely breathe. He kept going, kept fucking her. Her whimpers were breathless, her body shaking, her fingernails making his back bleed.

"Finn!" She screamed in a ragged voice as another orgasm rocked through her. He almost laughed with elation and kept going, feeling the violent shaking of her body growing as he continued, her moans rose an octave, her legs squeezed his hips, making it harder to thrust so he used his elbow to push the one leg open again kept going, biting his bottom lip now, counting the orgasms in his head. Four was his previous best. That would not do this time. She squealed and swore at him as she came again, her body collapsing back in exhaustion, he stopped rubbing her clitoris and used his hands to tilt her pelvis more, knowing that this made her cum, she could barely groan, but he saw that her whole body was tensed as another orgasm rolled through her, her eyes staying on his eyes as he knelt upright between her thighs, his knees under her arse, his hands tilting her pelvis even more. He let himself look over her body, the way it moved as he thrust into her, he loved her tits bouncing in rhythm to his movements, loved the way his cock looked thumping into her cunt, surrounded by a thick sticky mess.

He pulled almost all the way out, so that he could see the head of his cock, glistening with the cum from deep inside of her. He looked up at her face, contorted with pleasure and thrust back into her hard.

"You're gonna cum for me again Miss Earl." He commanded in a quiet voice. And she did. In tiny gasping whispers. As her orgasm started to pass, he rubbed her clitoris again and her gasps got louder as she came again on the coattails of her last orgasm. He bent down, wrapping his arms around her and slowed down, stroking her hair. He kissed her lips slowly and tenderly, despite his lungs bursting from his previous exertion. He came again, with a gentle moan as he kissed her, his whole body aching with pleasure and love. He stayed inside of her, kissing her for a long time.

"I missed being inside you." He said in between kisses.

"Bloody hell Finn." Her voice cracked, red raw from her gasp and moans.

"Alright?" He asked with a smug grin.

"Yeah." She nodded her head, "I might never walk again but." He laughed and settled down beside her.

"Were that six?" He asked proudly.

"Do you count?"

"Aye." He grinned cheekily.

"That were six." She told him infected by his happy mood.

"Pleased with yourself?" He shrugged.

"I won't be proper pleased with myself till I got you in double figures." They heard the door banging downstairs. Rae's mum was home her 'mums and bubs' group.

"Good timing." Finn said and slowly got up. "Fuck I'm exhausted." He laughed, "need a steak." He looked down at the mess between her legs. "I just lost a lot o' protein."

"Jesus." Rae said as she looked at his semen spread all over his lower body and her own and on the bed beneath her. "That is a lot of cum."

"Been building up for a week." He was far too satisfied and Rae shook her head at him.

"That will have gone through to the mattress." She mumbled.

"Aye!" He laughed, "Marking me territory!"

_Why don't you just take your dick out and piss everywhere, I hear it's a more effective way of marking your territory, you fucking Neanderthal_

_Fuck off Phillip. Fucking wanker._

She got up shakily and kissed him.

"I like it." She said saucily and all thoughts of Phillip left his mind. "God I feel like I'm gonna collapse!" She said, surprised. He followed her to the shower.

Half an hour later, Linda knocked the door and opened it not waiting for a reply. Finn sat in Rae's chair his feet up on her desk, reading a book. Rae was on the floor, a pile of books spread around her, writing something. Linda's eyes saw the sizeable wet patch on the bed, their wet hair, the wet towels. But she noted how Finn finished his sentence in the book before looking up at her. The way that Rae's notes had obviously been done over a couple of study sessions.

"No flowers today." She said softly.

"Good." Rae said, "Maybe he's given up?"

"Maybe." Linda agreed hopefully.

"Or he's changing his methods." Finn cautioned.

"Alright grumpy pants." Linda replied, "Here for dinner?"

"If you don't mind. Shall I cook again?"

"No. You study." She turned to Rae, "can you watch Aiesha?"

"Sure, bring her up?" Linda nodded and left. Rae looked over at Finn. "You're getting through that." She nodded at the book.

"Aye, it's good."

"How d'you think it'll end?" Finn closed the book, his finger keeping the page, and thought.

"He'll betray Julia and swear his love for Big Brother."

"Really? What makes you say that?"

"There's a sense of… despair and… you know – like things are heading that way… what's the word?"

"Inevitability."

"Aye." Finn nodded. "Inevitability. Everyone knows what this world is… but they work to maintain it. They just pretend it's something it isn't. Doublethink. That's why it's inevitable. They're all lying to themselves. Except for the people in power." He shook his head, "I've never read anything more relevant to today's world than this." He looked down at the cover, "It's brilliant."

"D'you wanna know what the ending is?" Rae said, meaning she'd tell him.

"No, I wanna read it." Rae grinned at him and looked down at her homework, he watched her for a moment and opened up the book again, he wanted to finish it before they went to the pub after dinner.

_'Kinda I want to' by Nine Inch Nails_

Archie walked up to Tom, beaming. He'd had a great night at the pub with the gang; everyone had been in high spirits and Danny had stayed the whole time. But he'd been eager to see Tom, worried that he might not keep their date; Archie hadn't seen him all week.

"I see your shiner's gone!" Tom laughed.

"Where have you been? I've had to work with Rhys, and he does not like to laugh!" Archie grinned as they headed off into the night.

"Had to go visit my mum." Tom said.

"Oh right." Archie said, "So where to tonight?"

"I don't know Archie, where would you like to go?" Tom stopped and turned to him, a big grin on his face.

"I dunno." Archie shrugged. "I still don't remember what happened last week!"

"Oh right? So you don't remember how you got the shiner?" Archie shook his head. "I think I might have punched you." Archie laughed, confused and started to walk again, not knowing where they were going.

"Why?"

"I think…" Tom said slowly, "that I might have been trying to prove to some twat that we do boxing together?"

"Oh ok then." Archie said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry. It's all a bit hazy though." He grinned, only one side of his beautiful mouth rising, his eyes sparkling.

"It's alright. Who knows what I did to you." Archie laughed.

"Well you kissed me for one thing." Tom said suddenly. Archie stopped and turned to him with sheer embarrassment and horror on his face.

"What?" Tom started to laugh at the expression on his face. "Are you sure?"

"I weren't that high that I wouldn't remember that." Tom put a hand on Archie's face. "It's not right that you don't remember it though." He stepped forward tentatively. "We should give you that memory back." Archie could barely breathe. Tom leaned in, his eyes on Archie, his lips parted. And then he stopped. He shook his head.

"I can't do this." He looked at Archie hungrily. "It's not right."

"Why?" Archie found his voice.

"I'm far too old for you." Tom sighed heavily. "I've already gone too far. Should'a never asked you out on a date… but you're just…" He shook his head.

"I don't care." Archie said.

"But I do." Tom said, "Let's just go to the club. No Special K tonight but!" He smiled.

"No." Archie said. "I don't care how old y'are." He leaned forward and kissed Tom's lips. Tom returned the kiss, his arms wrapping around Archie's waist. Archie raised his hands to Tom's face and stepped closer to him so that their bodies pressed against each other. Tom stopped the kiss, but he didn't stop holding Archie.

"You're so…" Tom breathed in deeply, "tempting." He said with a sly grin. "But I'm 25." He shook his head, "and you're what… 16?"

"17." Archie corrected, "18 in April." Tom looked at his mouth and then raised his eyes slowly to Archie's eyes.

"I…" Tom hesitated.

"Me best mate just dated a bird who's 24." Archie shook his head, "Don't tell me that's alright and this isn't." Tom reached up and stroked Archie's face gently.

"You're so earnest and beautiful." He said softly. Archie kissed Tom again, Tom returning the kiss passionately.

"Let's go to your place." Archie breathed. Tom looked at him, considering, debating, surrendering.

"Alright."

They practically fell through the door, kissing, hands travelling over each other's bodies. Archie was shaking with anticipation. Tom slowly took his jacket off and Archie was greeted with his impressive biceps pressing against his shirt sleeves. Archie took his jumper and shirt off in one motion and stood topless before Tom, who was slowly unbuttoning his shirt and letting his eyes travel over Archie lustily. Tom stripped his shirt off and reached for Archie's belt buckle and pulled Archie to him, kissing his lips as he undid the belt and then unzipping Archie's fly with expert fingers.

Archie's fingers fumbled through unbuttoning Tom's fly and Tom grinned.

"Is this your first time?"

"No!" Archie shook his head.

"It's ok if it is." Tom persisted.

"Alright." Archie admitted, "it is."

"Are you sure you want your first time to be with me… you hardly know me."

"I'm sure."

"I gave you a shiner." Tom said, "And I'll probably give you another one." He grinned.

"Nah. I been getting Finn to teach me a move or two!" Archie said, "I'll get you good in training." He grinned.  
"Finn?" Tom said, "He's pretty good." He laughed, "Should I be worried?" Archie laughed.

"Yeah, cos I'm totally an ace boxer after a week of pestering him for tips!" Archie rolled his eyes.

"You're sure about this?" Tom asked again.

"Yeah." Archie said and gently slid Tom's pants off hips, letting them slide down his legs, his wallet clanging as it hit the wooden floor through the pocket. Tom grasped Archie's cock and kissed his lips hard, his hand travelling up and down the shaft. Archie reached for Tom's cock but Tom stopped him.

"It's your first time. Tonight's about you." He dropped to his knees before Archie and looked up at him. "Let's see how many times I can make you cum!" He closed his mouth around Archie's cock and easily deep-throated him, moving up and down eagerly.

"Holy shit." Archie breathed as he watched Tom sucking his cock. Tom looked up at him with slutty eyes as he took Archie's full length in his throat and licked his balls, his nose touching Archie's pelvis. Tom held himself there, looking up at Archie and took Archie's hands and made him put them on the back of his head firmly. Archie stood there, his hands wrapped up in Tom's golden brown hair, looking down in disbelief at Tom sucking and slurping happily. Tom grabbed Archie's arse and encouraged him to thrust into his mouth and Archie did, tentatively at first, but speeding up as he saw Tom wanted him to. Archie felt molten lava spreading from his balls up his body and knew he was going to cum. But he wanted to do so much more first. He started to slow down, but Tom kept going, Archie started to groan loudly and Tom groaned in unison. Archie came loudly, watching Tom keep his mouth firmly around his cock as he slid Archie's shuddering cock further down his throat. By the time he'd finished coming, Tom's nose was on his pelvis again, his eyes sparkling up at him. He sucked hard as he pulled Archie's cock out of his mouth, sucking him dry. And opened his mouth for Archie to see the cum before swallowing.

"Holy fuck." Archie groaned. Then he shook his head, "I'm sorry I came so-"

"It's fine." Tom said, "I'll get you back up again, don't you worry." He kissed Archie and Archie tasted his cum on Tom's tongue. It was the sexiest thing he'd ever experienced. "For now, I got your sweet arsehole to focus on." Tom let his hand fall to Archie's arse and squeezed it hard. Archie whimpered excitedly at the way Tom was grinning.

Tom took Archie's glasses off carefully and folded them before putting them on the bedside table and then pushed him roughly back onto the bed and laughed at the way Tom dove on after him, kissing him ferociously. He bit Archie's bottom lip hard and Archie cried out in surprise and lust. They kept laughing and kissing through Archie's now bleeding bottom lip. Tom's hand crept roughly down Archie's body, exploring him, exciting him. He pulled back and leaned over him to the bed side table.

"Gonna need this!" He laughed as he pulled out some lubrication.

"Oh fuck!" Archie laughed. He was shaking again but Tom was grabbing a pillow.

"Put that under your arse." He handed it to Archie and then started to put some lube on his fingers. He looked Archie up and down and grinned lustily, "Spread 'em." Archie let his thighs fall open, his pelvis tilted upward by the pillow, and Tom knelt between his legs.

"Ready?" He grinned and Archie nodded. Tom gently reached below Archie's balls with his fingers and caressed his hole. He leaned forward and kissed Archie roughly as his fingers very gently probed and explored. Archie groaned as Tom slid first one and then two fingers inside of him.

"Now let's find the sweet spot." Tom breathed and moved his fingers around, Archie moaning happily until suddenly Archie gasped. "There we go." He grinned and kissed Archie open mouth. Archie gasped and grabbed hold of the bed sheets as his cock started to throb again and incredible pleasure like he'd never felt before spread like a flood through his insides.

Tom, still fingering Archie, knelt and grabbed the lube again, putting a huge amount on his cock, rubbing it up and down his shaft slowly as he watched Archie writhing in pleasure. He knelt between Archie's thighs and leaned in to kiss him as he removed his fingers and gently pushed the tip of his cock into Archie. Archie gasped loudly.

"Shh." Tom said gently, "just relax. It's easier if you relax." Archie gasped again as Tom slowly pushed in a little further. He pulled back slightly and kissed Archie tenderly.

Archie tried to relax as he felt Tom push in a little further then gently pull back only a little. He put his hand on Tom's arm and squeezed as Tom pushed in again, then pulled back slowly. Gradually Tom worked his way up to the hilt and pulled almost all the way out before thrusting all the way in. Archie breathed normally, feeling his body accommodate Tom's beautiful cock, feeling that 'sweet spot' starting to sing again. Tom started to thrust hard and Archie grunted with pleasure, pulling Tom to him to kiss him roughly, passionately. He felt Tom's stomach brushing against his hard cock as his pelvis ground into his arse. It was incredible and Archie grabbed Tom's face and kissed him harder, deeper as tom's thrust also grew harder and deeper.

"Oh my god!" Archie groaned as Tom started to stroke his cock, and sped up his rough, grinding thrusts.

"You wanna fuck my arse?" Tom asked, feeling how hard and throbbing Archie's cock was. Archie nodded eagerly and Tom leapt up, pulling Archie by the hand to get him up off the bed. Tom tossed Archie the lubrication and bent over in front of him. Archie looked at the lube and then at Tom, smiling at him over his shoulder.

"Go for it. You won't hurt me." Archie grinned and put some lube on his cock before tentatively stepping up to Tom, he bit his tongue as he concentrated on penetrating Tom. Slowly he slid into Tom, his tight arse enveloped him exquisitely and he felt himself groaning from somewhere deep inside. He grasped hold of Tom's hips and pulled Tom back onto him and Tom shuddered and groaned with delight.

"Fuck me!" Tom commanded and Archie happily obliged. Enjoying the way it felt to thrust into Tom, the way Tom moaned and gasped, knowing that he was doing that to Tom. He thrust harder, faster, deeper and Tom moaned loader.

"Yes Archie!" He groaned and Archie felt himself getting close again. He reached around and grabbed Tom's long cock and rubbed it happily as he ground his hips into him. Tom gasped and turned his face to him, making eye contact as Archie fucked him. Archie came again, looking into Tom's eyes gasping and moaning. Tom pushed him back and sat him on the bed he stood in front of him and jerked his cock a few times before a glorious torrent of cum shot out of him onto Archie's face and into his open mouth.

"Fucking hell!" Tom moaned loudly. He collapsed onto the bed as Archie swallowed. He rolled towards Archie. "Give it an hour and I'll have you again." Tom laughed. Archie grinned at him and nodded.

"I'm good to go again now!"

"Oh right, well the old man needs a moment!" he laughed.

_'Apartment' by Custard._

There was already loud music and raucous laughter seeping through the door when Finn and Rae showed up.

"Can't believe you wouldn't let me invite everyone I've ever met." Rae sulked.

"Chop's house. Chop's rules." Finn shrugged.

"Weren't my rules at my house." Rae said grumpily but Finn grinned at her.

"Yeah but Chop's a twat. And you're not." He didn't mention Chloe to her; how Chop thought this was safer for Chloe. He didn't want to even say Chloe's name around her, just in case there was any lingering doubt in her mind. They knocked on the door and Archie opened with a big grin.

"Late as always!" He laughed and drew them both into a hug before letting them in. Chop cheered when they came into the lounge room.

"And now we can have the grand tour!" He announced as he jumped up and grabbed Izzy's hand. Chop had bought himself a 2 bedroom apartment. His uncle had left him enough to buy the flat, the mechanic, when Joe sold, get a furniture for the flat, and to have a little left over, with no debts. Everyone followed Chop from one room to the next as he gave them a monologue on the place, the spare bedroom had boxing gear and a set of drums amongst a lot of unpacked boxes.

"This is where the magic happens!" He opened the door to his bedroom, a huge king sized bed sat proudly between some more boxes and some new sets of drawers. The girls all shared a glance, Chloe and Rae trying not to laugh and Izzy hit them both gently, making sure Chop didn't see, the boys were too busy commenting on the paint, the structure, the shelving and all those uninteresting things.

"Is that a walk in robe?" Chloe asked and Chop nodded.

"Izzy wanted it." The girls turned their faces to Izzy who shook her head.

"I never said nothing about what you should buy!" She grinned.

"No but about a month ago you said you'd always wanted one." Her eyes sparkled as she looked at him and he grinned.

"I love you Chop!" He took her into his arms.

"Love you too baby girl."

"Ugh!" Archie said as he looked away and everyone started to leave the room while Chop and Izzy kissed.

The lounge room had been mostly unpacked, because Chop had put all the boxes in the spare room to make plenty of room for tonight. The dining room had a pinball machine, a foosball table and various chairs and bean bags.

The kitchen had barely anything in the cupboards.

"He'll learn quick enough." Finn laughed as he opened the empty cupboards looking for a cup. Chop came bounding out of the bedroom to challenge Archie to a game of foosball. He grabbed a box for Finn and Finn opened it to see and assortment of battered cups. He poured a drink for Rae and himself and sat on the kitchen side watching Archie and Chop play. Izzy dragged the girls to the lounge room. Finn grinned over his shoulder at Rae as she left the room with Izzy and Chloe, their heads already together, talking about something. He turned back to Chop and Archie happily and watched Archie kicking Chop's arse.

"Oh my god Izzy! Are you gonna move in with Chop?" Chloe asked as they sat down on the lounge. "Oh!" She exclaimed, "This is a nice lounge!"

"I told him not until after college." She grinned. "If I lived here I'd never get any homework done!"

"That's serious." Chloe said looking to Rae to back her up. Rae nodded.

"It's serious." Rae agreed.

"You guys are serious!" Chloe said excitedly.

"Are we?' Izzy asked delighted, "I mean… I guess we are!"

"I would get a ring on your finger before you move in though." Chloe said. And they both looked to Rae who shrugged. "Otherwise he'll never do it… he'll just keep putting it off cos he's already got you in his house." Chloe nodded sagely.

"Oh." Izzy fretted, "I do wanna get married."

"To Chop?" Chloe asked, already knowing the answer. Izzy bit her bottom lip and nodded her head.

"I love him so much." She gushed.

"Well, better hold out for that ring!" Chloe advised.

"What d'you think Rae?" Izzy asked her and Rae pulled a face.

"D'you know, I've never really thought about getting married…"

"But what about Finn?" Izzy asked. Chloe looked away for a moment and then turned her eyes to Rae, trying not to look too interested.

"I mean yeah… Finn!" Rae agreed, "Of course I wanna be with him. I just never thought about getting a dress and saying vows and all that stuff."

"Well of course you've gotta get married." Chloe said as if this was a forgone conclusion.

"I dunno… maybe we'll just live together in sin." Rae said saucily, "I do like sin." They laughed.

"Oh but I want a big wedding." Izzy said, "with a beautiful white dress."

"I don't think you can wear white Izzy." Chloe said with a suggestive grin.

"I'm gonna wear it anyway!" She hit Chloe's arm softly and laughed.

"I dunno… maybe being an orgasm virgin counts." Rae said and Chloe and Izzy gasped before laughing uproariously, Izzy blushing and hitting Rae.

"Don't say that!" She looked at the door worried, but still laughing, "He might hear you!"

Finn took a sip of the alcoholic drink Chop had given him and looked back to the lounge room door when he heard the girls laughing loudly, he grinned. Archie and Chop looked up, both smiling at the laughter coming from the other room.

"Does it bother you that they're laughing that loudly when you know they're talking about your cocks?" Archie said chuckling. Finn and Chop's faces fell momentarily as they both looked at the door more thoughtfully.

"Well if they're gonna talk about dick, I'm gonna talk about dick." Archie said, "I finally got laid last night."

"Alright!" Finn congratulated him and Chop gave him an approving look.

"Anyone we know?" Chop asked.

"Tom…"

"From the boxing place?" Finn asked seriously.

"Yeah why?"

"Nothing." He shook his head, glancing away from Archie's face.

"If it's his age-"

"No Arch, how am I gonna say something about that?" Finn laughed.

"Tom, Tom?" Chop asked.

"Yeah!" Archie said.

"As in that guy you was flirting with the last time we was there?"

"Yeah."

"He's good looking Archie boy!" Chop clapped him on the back and Finn leaned forward.

"What was it like?"

"You guys wanna hear this?" Archie asked incredulously. Finn nodded and shrugged.

"You're our mate, and we talk sex… so I guess we gotta!" Chop grinned.

"Alright… well… it felt amazing!" He grinned, "And Tom deep throats like they do in pornos."

"Ooooh! Chop and Finn laughed loudly.

"I fucking love head!" Chop laughed.

"Fuck yes." Finn agreed. "Does he swallow?" Finn asked. Archie nodded his head looking supremely pleased with himself.

"Ah fuck!" Chop admired, "I wish Izzy'd swallow, but she says it tastes like shit."

"I heard girls just don't swallow." Archie shrugged.

"Well that's us done mate!" Chop said to Finn.

"Rae swallows." Finn said with a dirty grin.

"Get the fuck out!" Chop laughed.

"Rae?" Archie laughed.

"I'll never look at her the same way!" Chop guffawed.

"Don't!" Finn laughed. "Don't!" He almost giggled he was so happy.

"Rae Rae is a dirty little minx!" Chop said to him and Finn giggled more nodding his head.

"Who'd o' thought it?" Archie grinned.

"You should write into Penthouse with that shit Finn!" Chop laughed.

"I ate chocolate sauce of her the other day… I am one happy fucker!" Finn agreed.

"Aye, but have you fucked her tits?" Chop asked.

"Yes I have." Chop clinked glasses with him and shook his head. "What about you and Izzy?" He asked as he took a sip.

"She such a sweet girl." Chop said, "I worry about pushing her too hard, y'know?" Finn shook his head.

"I were like that with Rae at first. You know, worried if she were alright all the time?" Finn was in his element; he finally knew more than Chop, "but then there was this time, in Sutherland actually, when I fucked her cunt so hard and deep I don't know how I didn't knock her fucking tonsils out."

"OOOH!" Chop and Archie laughed and guffawed.

"And I pulled her hair."

"You pulled her fucking hair?" Chop said in disbelief.

"Get fucked!" Archie denied his claim but Finn gave him a look that told him it was true.

"And I came all over her and she were just like, 'hey, I liked that, let's do it again' so…"

"She liked it?" Chop shook his head, "un-fucking-believable. How does this grumpy cunt end up with the most sexually perverted girl on the planet?"

"Nah Chop!" And then he paused, "well yeah, she is a dirty pervert and I love it!" He laughed, "But what I'm trying to say is; girls are more dirty than you think."

"What?" Chop exclaimed, "You reckon I could do that to Izzy?"

"I fucking know you could do that to Izzy!" Finn said, "With the right preparation." He grinned sagely.

"Fucking hell!" Chop said thoughtfully.

"Ayup Finn, I bet you haven't fucked an arse though." Archie said with a grin.

"Sadly no." He agreed.

"I'm disappointed in you Finlay." Chop joked. "Get it up there!"

"Nah, I don't think she wanna." He shrugged. "You get some o' that though Archie?" Finn deflected.

"Yes I did!" He grinned, "It were fucking amazing!"

"Good work Archer! Tom's got a nice arse." Chop said earnestly.

"Are you gay Chop?" Archie asked him laughing and Chop shrugged.

"No… but I'm trying to… you know…" He motioned at Finn, "I talk about Rae's tits all the time cos they're fucking amazing… so… Tom's got a nice arse. I do my bit, you know?"

"Very civic minded of you." Archie laughed and Chop agreed with a proud nod.

"So are you going out?" Finn asked.

"I dunno." Archie pulled a face. "I like him a fair bit though… so I hope so. He's so sexy!" Archie gushed and Finn and Chop grinned.

"He's got nice hair." Finn said suddenly.

"I hadn't noticed." Chop said.

"He's got nice hair." Archie confirmed.

"Aye but you notice his arse!" Finn laughed.

"I gotta notice things like that," Chop shrugged, "for times like these." They heard the girls laughing loudly. "I bet that's your girl!" Chop said to Finn.

"Probably, she does like to bang on."

"It's rubbing off on you." Archie noticed astutely.

"Yeah maybe a little bit." He grinned.

"So is Izzy gonna move in then?" Archie asked.

"After College." Chop told him, "I wanted her to move in right away, but she's right to wait." He looked disappointed though.

"You two are getting right serious." Archie said and Finn watched Chop's face closely.

"Yeah. I'm gonna make that girl me missus."

"Yeah?" Finn asked intrigued.

"Fuck yeah. I love that girl more than me own life." He shrugged, "it's pretty simple really." He grinned, "She's me whole world." He looked around the apartment. "And I'm gonna marry her and look after her, and we'll raise a brood of kids."

"A brood?' Archie asked.

"Yeah at least 6." Chop answered honestly and Finn and Archie exchanged a glance.

"You might need a bigger place for that." Finn suggested.

"Yeah. Kids are a couple o' years down the track." Chop nodded, "you understand Finn!" Chop asserted.

"What?" Finn was surprised Chop had said that.

"Well… you love Rae right?" Chop shrugged, confused as to why Finn didn't understand.

"Well yeah." He answered.

"So you know about planning the future… marriage… kids." Finn stared off for a moment. And Archie and Chop looked at each other with surprise.

"You saying you haven't even thought about it?" Chop asked, "Rae hasn't said anything?"

"I've thought about it." Finn said quietly. "But Rae's said nought." He lowered his eyes and looked at his drink.

"Oh." Chop said softly.

"Yeah but Rae's not that kinda girl." Archie tried to salvage the mood.

"I think I might love her more than she loves me." Finn said with a numb mouth.

"No way." Archie asserted. Finn looked up at Archie.

"I don't know what to tell you…" He said, "I'd have thought she'd have talked about the future by now."

"Has she not said nothing?" Archie asked.

"We've had a couple o' real emotional moments where… we said it were forever… but…"

"But nothing else?" Chop asked incredulously. "They gotta say it when they're calm, not upset, for it to mean something." Chop said and Finn nodded.

"But then I think like Archie said, Rae's not that kind o' girl." Finn said more hopefully.

"But still…" Chop said, "Nothing about the future?"

"She did mention us going to university together." Finn said, his mood perking up a little.

"Yeah but you're not going to uni are you?" Chop asked.

"I might." Finn shrugged and Archie seemed happy with that.

"What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you with your lover?" Archie tried to lighten the mood.

"Oh that's easy." Chop said, "I farted real loud when I was coming the other day. And it fucking stunk!" They all started laughing. Archie turned his eyes to Finn.

"She found me porno mags."

"Oh fuck!" Chop guffawed loudly.

Rae wondered in to get a drink, the other girls following behind her.

"Juggs!" She said to the boys as she went to the fridge. Finn's eyes settled on her, and didn't leave her face as she poured the drink. The other girls grabbing some crisps from a box under the bench

"What's Juggs?" Izzy asked.

"His porno mags." Rae motioned towards Finn. "I found 'em under his bed."

"Oh my god!" Chloe looked scandalised "are you alright?"

"That's awful!" Izzy scowled at Finn. "Horrible boys!" She muttered.

"I don't care!" Rae said as they girls left the kitchen to go back to the comfort of the lounge room. Chop's jaw dropped and Archie grinned as the door shut behind the girls. Finn turned back to Chop and Archie with a big grin on his face.

"Yeah Archie's right, she not like other girls." Chop said in disbelief. "You gotta marry that one."

"I know." Finn agreed.

Later that night Rae and Finn, slightly tipsy, found themselves sitting on the lounge alone, listening to the drunken laughter coming from the foosball table in the other room. It was girls versus boys and the girls were winning.

"Again!" Chop commanded when the girls had beaten Archie and Chop for the second time. She sat facing him, banging on about her biology class and he was smiling, watching the way her mouth moved.

"Wait, so what's recessive again?" He asked her and she went over the genetics stuff she learned again. Stuff he already knew. He was excellent at science, always got an A on everything he did for it. But Rae needed to talk about it more to get it properly, so he listened. She kept talking as she crawled on top of him and straddled him, her skirt riding up slightly, her hands playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"And then there's dominance." She said as she settled into his lap moving her hips suggestively. He ran his hands up her thighs and prepared to listen to her, but she only looked at him, her mouth open, her eyes on his lips. He put a hand to her face gently caressing her skin.

"Have I told you today girl, that you're beautiful?"

"Yes." She said, "But I never mind hearing it."

"Well I'd better tell you then." He grinned, "You are by far, the most beautiful girl in the world."

"You haven't seen every girl in the world."

"Don't need to." His other hand came up to stroke her hair, "I know."

"Oh and what else do you know?" She kissed him and he sighed appreciatively.

"You're the smartest girl."

"Oh right."

"And the funniest." He answered in between kisses, his hands starting to find their way up her skirt.

"Uh huh."

"And you're strong."

"I know."

"And you're far too sexy for me to handle." He groaned as he traced along her vagina through her tights.

"Is that right?" She kissed him deeply.

"Didn't I ask you to stop wearing these fucking tights?"

"Might have." Her hand slipped down his chest and undid his fly, popping his cock out of his pants.

"Rae." He breathed as she let go of his cock, let it sit underneath her as she rocked back and forth on his lap, her hand back in his hair. Her skirt covered everything so Finn left it as it was his bare cock rubbing against her stockinged cunt, playing dangerously, he took a sly look at the kitchen door; the gang were on the other side of that door.

"Yes?" She asked innocently.

"You're a dirty tease." He groaned.

"Might be." She grinned. His hands cupped her vagina with frustration.

"These fucking tights." He groaned and she groaned in sympathy and teasing.

"Oh I know. Terrible aren't they?"

"This will not do Miss Earl." Rae's jaw dropped as she felt his strong fingers tearing a hole in her tights. His fingers came up against her underwear and he tore them violently.

"Jesus." She gasped.

"Much better." He said as he slipped his cock into her.

"I can't believe you're doing this here." She shot her eyes to the kitchen door, they were still laughing and joking on the other side of it.

"Course I am." He said lustily, thrusting up from underneath her. She whimpered softly, and he grinned smuttily before kissing her lips forcefully. She moaned throatily and Finn shushed her quietly, his hand going under her shirt to cup her breast.

They heard the door opening and Rae went to get off Finn but he stopped her and she realised she had to stay where she was; with him deep inside of her, or else she'd leave Finn with his cock hanging out. Archie walked in laughing.

"Oh right, you two making out again!" He laughed, "Do you wanna play a round of foosball?"

"Nope." Rae said with a slightly higher voice than normal. Archie sat down next to them.

"Me either, I'm sick of getting me arse kicked!" He grinned.

"Yeah." Finn said softly.

"What are you guys doing tomorrow?" Archie asked as he grabbed a handful of chips. Rae cleared her throat.

"Um… well Mrs Vines is making me bring Finn up to speed. So probably homework." She nodded shifting a little to get more comfortable and Finn groaned slightly.

"Oh right!" Archie nodded, "Can't believe you're doing advanced!" Archie said.

"Aye." Finn nodded and tried not to groan as Rae shifted again.

"D'you reckon you will go to uni?" Archie asked, "We can be roommates." He grinned.

"I'll be a year behind now." Finn looked ahead, not wanting to look at Archie while his cock was deep inside of his girlfriend.

"I might defer for a year." Archie shrugged. Finn nodded but said nothing. "You can get off him you know!" Archie laughed as he looked at Rae sitting on Finn looking supremely uncomfortable.

"No… no that's fine." She said and tried to smile. Archie furrowed his brows and looked at them for a moment.

"What's wrong?" He asked them, Finn frowned and shook his head.

"Nothing." Rae said conspicuously. Archie looked at them again, both fully clothed, hugging up. They weren't fighting or fucking, which seemed to be all these two did. So what was wrong? He watched Rae shift again and noticed Finn close his eyes and take a breath.

"OH MY GOD!" Archie hissed loudly at them. "You're fucking right now aren't you?"

"No!" Rae said.

"Yes." Finn answered. "Now fuck off."

"Un-fucking-believable." Archie got up and banged through the kitchen door.

"They're fucking on your couch, Chop!"

"Oh no." Rae blushed and Finn buried his face in her breasts in frustration, but that didn't help, it only made him harder and he thrust into her as hard as he could, she gasped.

"Finn!"

"You what?" Chop asked. They heard him heading towards the door.

"Chop!" It was Izzy, "You can't go in there!"

"We haven't even fucked on that lounge!" Chop replied. They heard Archie laughing, Izzy joining in. Finn tuned them out and focused on how lovely she looked when she blushed, her full lips open with pleasure and thrust into faster. His fingers found the ragged hole he'd torn and snaked in to find her clitoris. She groaned and he gently shushed her again.

"You gonna cum for me girl?" He whispered to her and she nodded putting her hand in her mouth as her breath grew ragged, but he shook his head and offered up his hand for her to bite. She sunk her teeth into the side of his hand and whimpered as she grew closer. He felt himself growing closer and intensified the speed of his fingers, she groaned slightly, her chest heaving as her legs started to shake, he felt his own climax speeding towards him and he watched her eyes rolling back as she came, biting his hand hard enough to make him cry out in pain softly as his orgasm ripped through him. They looked at each other with sinuous smiles and kissed. He reached down and put his wet cock back in his pants and pulled a bit of a face. She laughed as she slowly got off him.

"I'll just clean up." She whispered and slipped off into the bathroom. Finn looked down at his pants. There was a small wet spot near the groin. He grinned satisfied and went into the kitchen. They were still playing foosball.

"Arsehole!" Chop shot at him and Finn just grinned.

"You're bleeding!" Izzy pointed at his hand, four sets of eyes turned to him as he held up his hand to look at it.

"Oh right." He saw Rae's bite print. "She's a screamer." He grinned. "But if she have to be quiet." He nodded to the bite mark. Chop looked impressed, Izzy less so. Chloe rolled her eyes and Archie shook his head. And Finn kept grinning.

When Rae came into the kitchen they all made jeering noises. But Finn smiled at her and she shook her head.

"So is this like a walk of shame?" Chloe laughed.

"More like a stride of pride." Rae shot back. They all laughed.

"Just got laid parade." Archie added.

"The took off my pants dance!" Chop continued the idea.

"Just got cock time to rock!" Chloe laughed.

"Just sunk the pink, time to drink!" Chop laughed and poured more drinks for everyone.

_'Heirate Mich' by Rammstein_

She hugged him, grateful for his company.

"It's nice to finally get back into your house." He joked as he walked into the house.

"Oh Archie, I'm sorry" Rae pulled a sad face. "I know me and Finn have been at it." She sat down on the lounge and he sank down beside her, "but it's just been a real emotional time." She tried to explain, "We broke up, we got back together, we started therapy, I got a stalker." She shook her head, "he's been real protective. And I'm glad."

"I understand. I do. I just missed you." He ginned, "and I know how protective he is, he had me at the gym punching shit in me free period the s'morning to make sure I were good enough to defend you tonight."

"Sorry." She pulled an apologetic face and he shook his head.

"Where is Cro Magnon man anyway?" He joked.

"Oi." She corrected with a grin.

"Hey, if he's gonna keep using his fists, I'm gonna call him a caveman."

"Yeah well you try getting a dead mouse delivered as a love gift and see how you feel." She nodded at him.

"Yeah alright." He had to agree.

"So where is he?" Rae looked thoroughly unimpressed.

"Study date with Stacey."

"Ugh." Archie sympathised. "Right, The Breakfast Club it is." He smiled, finally getting his way with the video choice. He put the tape in the machine and they settled down,

"You do know I've seen it right?"

"Don't matter."

"Oh hi Archie." Linda came in looking exhausted. Rae fretted when she saw the puffiness around her mum's eyes. "You staying for dinner?"

"I'm here till Finn gets back." He shrugged.

"Are we going to be feeding boys forever?" Linda turned to Rae.

"Maybe." Rae shrugged, "until the stalker goes."

"Well he hasn't sent anything for a few days." Linda stared at her.

"Finn wants to wait a few weeks before we decide he's done with me." Linda gave an exhausted sigh.

"Alright, but I can't afford the petrol for your car this week, feeding Finn isn't cheap." Rae was about to protest but saw how miserable her mum looked.

"That's alright. I'll walk to school."

"I can drop by." Archie offered. Linda nodded and went back into the kitchen. She heard Karim saying something and Aiesha cooing before the door closed. She'd probably get moved up to her bedroom after dinner. But for now they had the lounge room to themselves.

"Archie." Rae said softly, "how close were Finn and Stacey."

"I dunno." He said softly. "Not as close as he is with you." He grinned at her. "He wanted her, there's no doubt about that. But he didn't chase her like he chased you." Rae smiled at that and lowered her eyes. "She kinda landed in his lap and he were happy to take advantage of that." He shrugged.

"He told me he were a bit of a prick back then." Archie furrowed his brows in thought.

"Not really." Archie said. "I mean he were lucky." He said with a smile, "At 16, his skin cleared up, while the rest of us still had zits, and he kinda grew into his face so his teeth didn't buck out so much." Rae grinned, "and… well he kinda just filled out you know… just sorta became manly." Archie scratched his ear, "He just became what he is, you know, almost overnight he went from scrawny, buck-tooth, zit boy to fittest boy in school." Archie looked at Rae and sighed, "And I think it went to his head for a while. A lot o' girls started noticing him and he enjoyed that. Of course." Rae lowered her eyes and picked at the cuticles of her nails. "He weren't a prick though. He didn't really use girls as much as other guys I know. He didn't go after virgins or you know, pressure girls or any o' that. And he wanted to have sex for the first time with a girlfriend not just some random girl he'd picked up to play with for the week."

"Play with for the week?"

"He did brag a little."

"The girl that he didn't know the name of?"

"That were at a gig." Archie said. "He were high I think, and the girl kissed him and went down in the middle of a fucking mosh pit."

"Holy shit!" Rae exclaimed.

"He actually stopped her afore he came cos he wanted to watch the band." He shrugged, "I think he finished it later on in the parking lot though." He looked apologetic and Rae shrugged. "He gave her his number, she never called."

"Right." They watched the movie in silence for a while.

"You know he were sick o' Stacey after about a week o' dating her."

"Really?" Archie nodded, his eyes on the screen.

"Said she weren't his type o' girl."

"Then why'd he stay with her?"

"I think he were determined to actually have a girlfriend for once, you know?"

"He said he got sick o' all the girls and stuff after Stace." Rae understood.

"No, he were sick o' it afore then, he just didn't know it. And I think there's a lot o' pressure on boys like him to fuck everything with a vagina, you know? Boys talk; they brag. And Finn's good at that kinda talk, and he likes being good at that kinda talk. Even now. Perhaps especially now." He watched the way Rae furrowed her brow, and smiled at her, "although he has stopped talking in the locker room now. It's only wi' Chop and me he brags. He more private about it now."

"That must be fun for you." Archie pulled a face.

"Well I do see you a little differently Rae." He grinned.

"Oh no!" She blushed. And he nudged her. They chuckled together.

"At least I know I'm not the only one in the gang that swallows." They laughed, both blushing.

"Tell me all about Tom!" She bit her bottom lip and turned to Archie.

"I spent most of the weekend at his place." Archie grinned. "He likes fucking. And he likes it rough."

"Aye, and what do you like?"

"Aye…" Archie stoped and looked at her with a strange look.

"What?"

"His mum used to say Aye." Archie smiled, "She's Scottish." Rae could barely breathe she was listening so intently. "And she had the most beautiful laugh. And she could sing. And Finn adored her. And she were particular about Finn saying aye instead of yes. She joked that it made him more Scottish. He stopped saying aye for a bit after she left." He said sadly, "But he's using it a lot more now that you're around." Archie looks at her, "He uses it when he's happy." Rae smiled slowly.

"Did you know Grace?" Archie's brow furrowed and he scratched his face slowly.

"Gracie?" He said suddenly. "Finn's sister." He said as if really having to work for the memories, "I think his mum took her?" He shook his head, "No that's not right… cos I remember his mum, but I don't really remember her." He stared at the floor for a long while. He shook his head. "No. It's so odd."

"Not really." Rae said softly, knowing what had happened. "Anyway, back to Tom!"

"He's far too sexy or me."

"Rubbish!"

"And he makes me cum and he teaches me to box and I wish we was going out. But I don't think we are."

"That shite."

"Nah it's alright, we'll get there."

"What's taking it up the bum like?"

"You what?"

"I think Finn…" She paused and nodded suggestively.

"You think Finn wants to try anal sex?"

"Try saying louder, not sure me mum heard it." Archie laughed and turned his eyes back to the tv.

"Anal is really good." He smiled, "at first your body says, no that's not gonna happen. But if you just relax and take your time, it's fucking amazing."

"Right." Rae bit her bottom lip in consideration.

"Don't do it just cos he wants to." Archie said, "Only do it if you do. Otherwise you'll be too tense and it'll hurt."

"It's not like he's pressuring me." She said, "I just don't want him to get bored."

"I don't think you need to worry about that Rae."

"So Tom likes it rough?" Rae changed the topic back to Tom.

"Quite rough!"

"Oh yeah?" Archie nodded and turned away from her, lifting up his shirt. Rae's jaw dropped as she saw the bruises on his back.

"Oh my god Archie." She said worried. "Are you alright?"

"It looks worse than it is!" He grinned. "I'm fine. I love fucking him!"

"Alright." She said still unconvinced.

"You leave scratch marks on Finn, and that bite in his hand!"

"Alright, aright!" She laughed. Rae put her feet up on the table and Archie sat back and they linked arms. Archie thought about what Finn had said at Chop's place on Saturday. He worried that he loved Rae more than she loved him.

"D'you love me best mate Rae?" He asked softly. Rae turned her face to him.

"Being the protective best mate?"

"Yeah."

"I do Archie. I do love him." Archie nodded and smiled at her.

"Good. Cos he's been in love with you since the pool party. He thinks he were just having a perve at your tits, but I knew better." Archie smiled at her, "I could see him falling in love with your strength right in front o' me."

"Strength." Rae said softly with a huge, fond, smile. "He told me he liked me cos o' me strength." She explained.

"I know him well." Archie grinned.

"It's so weird to think o' him having a crush on me for so long."

"Why?"

"Cos he so perfect!"

"Look I don't know about all that stuff. Cos I think you're pretty perfect Rae." He shrugged as she smiled, loving him so much, "but what I do know, is that he were right mess over you for a real long time." He nudged her, "still is a bit." Then he laughed, "Actually a lot." And they both laughed. "I don't know about all the ins and outs of it Rae. But I know he's very deeply in love with you. So you better love him!"

"But he hasn't told me that he loves me." She said softly.

"Oh." Archie looked confused. "I don't know why he hasn't said it Rae."

"Maybe you're wrong."

"I'm-"

There was a loud thud at the door and Archie turned to look at it mid-sentence. Rae jumped and then sighed angrily before getting up to go to the door. She opened the door. There was a large bird on the stoop. Clearly dead. Archie came over and looked.

"That's a Hen Harrier." He said softly. "Is it from your stalker?" Car tyres squealed and they heard a car speeding off, Archie ran out to try and see it, but it had already turned a corner and gone. "That was your stalker!" Archie called to her.

"There's no card Archie!" She said. "I think it probably just hit the door… Poor thing."

"Card?" He asked as he came back to her.

"Yeah, there's always a card, with a heart drawn on it."

"Oh right." Archie said and laughed, relieved. "Poor little guy, must o' got lost and confused." He picked up the bird and then instantly dropped it.

"What?"

"Its heart's been cut out Rae."

_'No Suprises' - Radiohead_

_Life is such a funny thing. _

_Sometimes it feels like you're just floating around in a sea of nothing. But then you see someone you know. _

_A place that's familiar like. _

_It's so strange to feel like there's cotton wool wrapped around my heart. _

_I wonder if I should cut me hair off real short like?_

_Just shave it all off._

_Bye bye hair. _

_Down the drain with you._

_People talk about darkness creeping up through their innards. _

_I've heard me own best mates talking about it._

_How sadness can grow._

_How you can feel filled up with emptiness. _

_What a strange idea. _

_But it makes sense._

_I barely feel as though me feet are touching the ground most days. _

_Today is a bit different though_

_Today feels so different._

_Today is… somewhat of an ending. _

_When I saw myself in the mirror. I couldn't recognise me own face. _

_Who is this person looking back at me?_

_That's not my nose._

_Those aren't my eyes…_

_Those lips… they're not right… my voice could never come out of that mouth._

_Who are you person staring back at me?_

_Are you strong? _

_Are you brave?_

_You need to be both._

_You need to be very strong._

_And oh so brave._

_Or you're not gonna make it. _

_And your insides will fill up with it._

_Will fill up with nothingness._

_A different type of nothingness._

_Stranger in the mirror. Are you strong? Are you brave?_

_I hope you're stronger and braver than me…_

_I wonder if your innards can be filled up with death?_

_What a stupid thought. Don't be so stupid._

_You're always the dumb one._

_I wonder what they'll all be like without me?_

_He'll be lost. For a while. But he's stronger than he thinks. He'll be fine._

_And she'll have no one to laugh with. _

_And she'll have no one to listen when the others won't. _

_And he'll have no one to keep in him line. Cheeky bugger. _

_And he'll have no one to love lame movies with. _

_But they'll have each other. _

_If you don't make it._

_They'll have each other. _

_If this thing growing in you won't be killed…_

_Killed… how ridiculous…_

_Am I a knight… with shining armour…?_

_Is there a dragon in me…?_

_Am I not the fair maiden… terrorised by this dragon?_

_Then who's the knight?_

_Am I brave?_

_Am I strong?_

_I don't know._

_I don't understand how there can be this thing inside of me. _

_How do I tell them?_

She reached her fingers out to the door of the Chippy.

They were all in there.

Finn was turned in towards Rae, as always, his arm around her shoulders protectively.

Archie was speaking.

"It's fucking heart was cut out."

"Fuck." Chop said. "This guy means fucking business Rae Rae."

"What's wrong?" Chloe looked up at Izzy.

"Guys…" Izzy said.

_How do I ever tell them…?_

"I've got leukaemia."

_'Nutshell' – Alice In Chains_

He spun the beermat on its end again. It fell flat and he picked it up and spun it again. Another gulp of beer.

_Still not numb enough._

He took another huge gulp. He spun the beermat and a hand slammed down to it to stop it. He turned to see Finn looking at him.

"Alright?" He asked boozily. Finn looked unimpressed and sympathetic at the same time. He sat down on the bar stool next to him and motioned for a pint.

"Alright Chop?" He asked.

"Not drunk enough yet."

"Oh aye?" Finn asked, "Funny cos Danny says you ain't been at work for the last three days." Finn looked him up and down, "and by the looks o' you, you've been here, drinking since Izzy told us that-"

"Don't say it." Finn glared at him for a moment and then let his breath out, wiping his face agitatedly. He turned to his pint and took a gulp. He didn't know what to say, only that Rae had sent him down here to get Chop and he wasn't leaving without him.

"They have to do more tests." Finn said calmly and Chop gritted his teeth. "Gotta see how far it's spread."

"Shut it Finn." Chop scrunched up the beermat.

"She had a spinal tap yester." Finn said. "I thought that were just a parody rock band, you know?" Finn sighed. "Turns out it's actually a really painful medical procedure." He looked at Chop from the corner of his eyes, "it's to see if it's gotten into her spinal cord or her brain." Chop finished his beer in one long gulp and ordered another. Finn kept looking ahead. "Rae tells me it hurt so much that Izzy cried out in pain. Says she squeezed Rae's hand so hard it hurt. Says Izzy cried out for you, mate."

"I don't want'a hear it."

"Well that's not good enough." Finn turned to him. "Either you love Izzy or you don't?" Finn snapped at him.

"Course I love her!" Chop retorted angrily.

"Well you're acting like you don't!"

"Hey fuck you Finn!" Chop jumped off his stool furiously, "You don't know shit about it!"

"Maybe I don't!" Finn stood and squared up, narrowing his eyes in disgust at Chop, "But I know there's no fucking way, I'd be at this fucking pub drinking me liver dead while me girl's in hospital crying and fearing for her fucking life!" Chop hit him. Hard. Finn had seen it coming, but let him have it. Finn straightened up and put his hand to his right eye. He shook his head. And grabbed Chop by the collar, physically dragging him from the pub. "You get your fucking arse outside boy." He pushed Chop out the door forcefully and Chop fell backwards, skidding along the ground on his arse. He scrambled up cursing Finn.

"You cunt!" Chop screamed, spittle flying from his mouth. "YOU FUCKING CUNT!" He threw another punch at Finn but Finn blocked it.

"CHOP!" He yelled at him but Chop was screaming at him, punching him again. This one landing on his ribcage. Finn blocked the next and then knew he had no choice but to jab Chop in the face. Chop stumbled back and looked up, blood pouring from his nose. He put a shaking hand up to his nose and saw the blood on his hand. Finn tried to be somewhere in between ready to defend himself and ready to support Chop. He stared at the blood and then looked up at Finn.

"Why didn't I see it sooner?" He asked, he looked back down at the blood, "My girl's gonna die Finn." His voice cracked and Finn lowered his fists slowly. "She gonna die."

"You don't know that." Finn tried to say but it was drowned out by a slow painful cry from Chop. He stepped forward and fell at Finn, Finn barely catching him before he hit the ground, as it was Finn ended up going down with him, landing painfully hard on his knees, cradling Chop carefully. Chop's whole body shook as he cried, and Finn held him, his eyes wide open with shock, he had no idea what to say, he so wished Rae was here.

"You don't know if Izzy will die." Finn said after a long while. "But whether she will or no, you need to be by her side." Finn patted him gently on the back, "You know that."

It was probably the first time a fist fight had ended like this at the pub, two men holding each other, one weeping like a child. After a long time Chop went silent. He sniffed hard, wiped his face and sat up. He looked away from Finn. Finn lit a cigarette and handed it to Chop, who took it without a word.

"Alright?" Finn said as he lit another for himself.

"No." Chop said wishing he could just be numb.

"Yeah." Finn agreed.

"Why'd it happen to her, Finn?" Chop asked bitterly. "Why not some fucking arsehole, who deserves to die?" He shook his head angrily, "Why her?" Finn didn't know how to answer, he thought for a moment and shook his head.

"I dunno Chop."

"It's not right." He frowned, his face screwed up with grief, "shit like this should happen to bad people." He started to rock a little and Finn worried. "Makes me think I did something… that I made it happen to her."

"Why would you think that?"

"I done so much shit in my life. So many bad things… she the one good thing I got Finn." Tears started to flow again, "and she gonna be taken from me."

"You gotta stop speaking like she practically already in the ground Chop!" Finn said. "They think she got an ok chance." Chop scoffed.

"An ok chance." He took a deep, shaky breath.

"Chop, even if she had no chance… you still know where you belong." Chop nodded.

"Yeah."

_'The Ship Song' by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds_

Finn helped Chop get up and they walked silently, smoking to Izzy's house.

When they got there, Izzy mother opened the door and swept Chop into her arms.

There were no words said. There was nothing to say.

Victoria, Izzy's mother grabbed a wet cloth for Chop, and he roughly wiped the blood off his face.

Chop, tears in his eyes, turned back to look at Finn, he nodded to him, before turning to climb the stairs to Izzy's room. Finn nodded to Izzy's parents and Victoria handed him a cold bottle of coke from the fridge to put on his eye. He thanked her and followed Chop up the stairs.

Chop opened the door to see Izzy curled up on her arm chair by the window. Archie was sitting up in her bed, Chloe next to him and Rae was sitting at her desk.

She turned to look at him.

"Arnold." She said softly as he crossed the room to her.

"Isabella." He fell on his knees in front of her and she wrapped her arms around him, his arms grabbing her to him tightly. Finn stood in the doorway, the coke held to his face. Rae looked up at him with a questioning look, he shook his head in reply, and motioned for everyone to leave. Rae nodded and got Archie's attention who nodded silently at her. They left quietly, closing the door behind them.

"I'm sorry it took me so long." Chop said softly, not daring to look in her eyes.

"I don't care as long as you're here now." She said in a low urgent voice. He looked up at her and she kissed him.

"I been so scared.' He said, tears on his face, holding her as tight as he could.

"Me too." She whispered.

They clung to each other in silence, tears falling down their cheeks, words left unsaid.

"I love you girl." He said softly.

"I love you too."

"We're gonna get through this, and I'm gonna make you me wife, right?" She nodded, fresh tears coming to her eyes. "And we're gonna have 8 sons and 8 daughters." She laughed through her tears, "and we'll get fat and old together. Surrounded by a million grandkids." He kissed her, "And we'll be happy." He stroked her face, "There's no other way this is gonna go. Ok baby girl?"

"Alright." She said in a small voice. "But I want more girls than boys."

"Alright, I'll see what I can do."

He stroked her hair and took in her face as if he'd never before seen it. As if it would be the last time.

"What happens now?" He asked.

"Tests. See how bad it is." He nodded. "Then treatment." She said almost despondently.

"What… what treatment?"

"Chemotherapy. Radiation." She took a deep breath. "I'm so scared Chop." She shook her head, "What if-"

"No." He said resolutely. "No 'what ifs.' " He stroked her face, feeling the skin in painful new detail. "We do this one day at a time until it's done."

"But what if-"

"Izzy, you're love of me fucking life right, there is no what if."

He pulled her into his arms gently and held her to him as if he could shield her from the world with his arms.

As if he could protect her from the cancer inside of her with his love.

As if his will and desire alone could make her live through this.


End file.
